Hello I'm new here I'm priya I'm divorced marriage ending after 5 years due to me
I feel ashamed beacause I didn't tell her that I was gender dsphoria I struggling With debt

Quote from: Priya on February 26, 2018, 01:58:35 PM
Hello I'm new here I'm priya I'm divorced marriage ending after 5 years due to me
I feel ashamed beacause I didn't tell her that I was gender dsphoria I struggling With debt

Welcome. I also didn't tell my wife when we married. But, you can't be ashamed of something that, in the end, can't be changed. You are who you are. As time goes on you learn to accept that and bring it to the surface where it belongs. Take the small successes and focus on them. The big picture will sort itself out.

Priyah Before I got married 35 years ago, I told my wife. We never talked about it again until a year and a half ago. Meanwhile I was crossdressing at every opportunity. Often 4-5 days a week. Well like I said, I brought it up again. This time I had backup from my Therapist as we discussed my life and problems I have had relating to my lifetime desire to be a woman. Thankfully after a little doubt, my wife decided to cooperate. I have to say the results over the last 18 months have been illuminating. I have learned so much and my wife has been my rock throughout. Doesn't mean she understands. But she is willing to work with me. I am so fortunate as my family has been so supportive.

Before I told my wife, I had to think carefully about why I hadn't said anything to her.  Because I knew that that would be one of her first questions, and she had a right to an answer.

I had certainly wondered for years if I was trans, even back before we met.  But wondering isn't the same as knowing.  Repeatedly, I had asked myself the question, and every time, the answer came back, No way.  Of course, that was the wrong answer, motivated by internalized transphobia, but the fact remained that, for years, my answer that I believed was no.

So, when she asked the inevitable question, I was able to answer honestly that I had been in denial.  That, in hindsight, I could see the signs going way back, and that I had wondered many times if I was trans, but that always, the answer came back no.  And that that's how denial works, but I could deny it no longer.

I don't know if any of that applies to your situation.  But it sounds like it's water under the bridge for you now.  Don't beat yourself up over the past.  You have to look forward now, not backwards.

Dear Priya:

(You have a very pretty name).

My first wife was hot looking and hot tempered.  And no, I did not tell her about my feminine issues.  After I aborted my second attempt at transitioning in 1988, I resolved to live as male.  I met and married her.  I figured being married to the hot chick and having children was supposed to cure me, you know.  I quietly purged my clothes and research materials and (thought I) buried my female side.  But that kind of thing refuses to stay buried.

Fast forward eight years, she is cheating and getting ready to leave me for her boyfriend.  I was in such denial about the trans thing I thought my social difficulties must be due to autism.

My first wife was screaming at me that I needed therapy.  Now fast forward to two years ago when I got diagnosed and started hormones -which turned me from a geeky recluse into a social butterfly.  Okay so I'm not autistic—I'm a girl.

Imagine if, at my first wife's insistence I had gone into therapy...  BTW my now adult son tells me these days my ex is a Trump supporter.  Getting divorced from her was bad enough, but could have been worse...

I actually ended up aborting my third attempt at transitioning in 1998 after I saw a judge in court intentionally misgendering a trans girl.  I was in bankruptcy at the time, had lost everything, and didn't want to lose visitation with my son.

I married my wife in 2000, came out to her in 2014, and we are still together.

Things happen the way they do for a reason.