Not sure this is the best spot for this thread so please move if there is a better spot.

I know some have known you're entire life and to be honest a part of me always has but has been so long suppressed that when my gender bomb went off in early Jan, the meta arc of my femininity became crystal clear. Its always been there and has always been trying to come out and now it wants out bad and wants dominance and I'm just so so so tired or struggling with masculinity. I;ve felt I was always battling it, its just unnatural to my nature.

My question is this. I'd like to know for those like me that had a gender bomb go off, what was the timeline of action for you? Obviously we all feel an urgency to be our authentic self. Did you sit with it for any length of time. I've started seeing a gender therapist with the intention to see them for at least 6 months before considering hrt.
Myself, I think I will be happy if I'm living full-time in 3-4 years, 4 realistically.

I'd like to know about the people on here and their paths so if there is valid info I can absorb it. If there is an older thread I haven't seen about this please point me in that direction.

Thanks y'all

One thing I've discovered is that everyone's timeline is different.
Some people jump right in and surgery is first while others never have any.

I have a friend who took 5+ years to come out to the public. I came out to the first person (long story) and it was 16 months before I went full time and changed Facebook, LinkedIn...

The one common thread is, start voice and facial hair removal yesterday (ASAP) because it takes time.  It's also inconvenient to get electrolysis after going full time.  (Look, a bearded lady )

Bottom line, do what time are comfortable doing when you are comfortable doing it.  Put off until tomorrow what you are not.

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Quote from: SashaHyde on March 11, 2018, 11:17:22 AM
Not sure this is the best spot for this thread so please move if there is a better spot.

I know some have known you're entire life and to be honest a part of me always has but has been so long suppressed that when my gender bomb went off in early Jan, the meta arc of my femininity became crystal clear. Its always been there and has always been trying to come out and now it wants out bad and wants dominance and I'm just so so so tired or struggling with masculinity. I;ve felt I was always battling it, its just unnatural to my nature.

My question is this. I'd like to know for those like me that had a gender bomb go off, what was the timeline of action for you? Obviously we all feel an urgency to be our authentic self. Did you sit with it for any length of time. I've started seeing a gender therapist with the intention to see them for at least 6 months before considering hrt.
Myself, I think I will be happy if I'm living full-time in 3-4 years, 4 realistically.

I'd like to know about the people on here and their paths so if there is valid info I can absorb it. If there is an older thread I haven't seen about this please point me in that direction.

Thanks y'all

My gender bomb went off when I was a young man in college but it took me until I was in my 30's to finally get over my fears and to grip the reality of dealing with family, friends, job,  career, etc.

Transitioning is the biggest life and relationship changing event in our life so it is wise to not jump into it without pondering all of the ramifications.

Once I got near to my transistion goals I wondered why I waited so long.
I know that I am not alone with that thought.

Danielle

From gender bomb to beginning hrt was a bit less than 2 years for me. In my case I basically had everything figured out when I was 13, but after high school I went into a deep denial that didn't end until I was 32. I talked to a therapist for a while, but she didn't have the proper credentials to give me a diagnosis. I was living in Europe at the time, and after about 6 months I moved back to the us. I then decided to give living as a guy a go again, since I felt so much better about myself. It didn't really work out, so that fall I got a new therapist, I decided in spring of 2017 that I wanted to transition. I had several steps I wanted to take before starting (beginning laser, fertility preservation etc.) I also got delayed because my therapist flaked out and didn't give me my letter before going on a 5 week trip, but I finally started hrt in August of 2017.

In terms of immediate steps. I started shaving my body and growing my hair out immediately.

I was like a ping pong machine with my gender identity and expression. Always at odds. Not sure what being male or female really meant. I didn't feel like I was loved no matter what I did, or who I was. I didn't love myself sadly. It's still a struggle and probably something I'll be working on for the rest of my life.  When you're assigned a gender you're not, for some it shapes us. This should've made me realize that gender is important. But I'm also naturally a rebel and wanna prove things wrong. But as I grow older that fight to me isn't as important anymore. I started to realize I deserve to be happy and I will do much better in life that way.

Edit: also finally accepting trans actually does the exact thing that I initially set out to do. Well I guess I messed up there lol..

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The gender bomb hit me when I was 30. I mostly spent the next two years in denial. After that I tried therapy, but I didn't have the right therapist for the job. I gave up for another year. Then I started telling a few trusted people that I was questioning my identity, one of them was able to point me in the direction of useful resources, including a therapist trained to work with gender questioning people. I went to about 8-12 sessions with her which was very enlightening.

After I was done I started looking into getting hormones. I took several months for me to get in with someone about HRT, and honestly I would suggest calling in and maybe even scheduling an appointment for HRT while you're mid-therapy so you can keep things moving, especially if you're planning to go through a clinic that subsidizes the costs. The wait times for those ones can be 6-12 months. I went to a regular clinic and the pause in between therapy and my first HRT appointment felt like being stuck in limbo forever even though it was only 3-4 months.

Hi Sasha,
   I took so long to finally concede that my male self was no longer valid, a whole long time. I think that once I decided to move forward, I wanted it to go lightening fast. I would not be surprised that when you reach your mental day of commitment, that you will want it to happen quicker than you think now. I sometimes wonder about the people who want to do it slowly. I don't mean this judgmentally, everyone does it as they think best. To me, whether one goes fast or slow, the same barriers must be overcome. I found the 'in between' time to be the most uncomfortable to me. Limiting the time where I had to present in two genders, keep the secret of my truth to myself, and live in fear and anxiety of what was to come made a lot of sense to my emotional well being. To be clear, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. Just throwing out the thought.
Moni

Quote from: HappyMoni on March 11, 2018, 02:41:12 PM
Hi Sasha,
   I took so long to finally concede that my male self was no longer valid, a whole long time. I think that once I decided to move forward, I wanted it to go lightening fast. I would not be surprised that when you reach your mental day of commitment, that you will want it to happen quicker than you think now. I sometimes wonder about the people who want to do it slowly. I don't mean this judgmentally, everyone does it as they think best. To me, whether one goes fast or slow, the same barriers must be overcome. I found the 'in between' time to be the most uncomfortable to me. Limiting the time where I had to present in two genders, keep the secret of my truth to myself, and live in fear and anxiety of what was to come made a lot of sense to my emotional well being. To be clear, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. Just throwing out the thought.
Moni

Agreed. Even after I started to transition and I was out publicly, I thought it would be years before I went full time, but I would say I ended up full time somewhere between 6-9 months. It may have happened sooner, but I was broke and I'm very tall which both made buying a new wardrobe quite the process.

It is hard to pick a moment when the "bomb" went off.  This awareness has been building for most of my life.  I guess the moment when I realized that this was not my imagination, it was not something I could talk myself out of, that it was real, was in July 2015.

So, investigating and deciding that I was for sure really trans: until October 2015.
Deciding that I actually needed to transition: until December 2015.
Getting up the nerve to tell my wife: until June 2016.
Begin underdressing, dressing at home, and ears pierced: July 2016.
Begin therapy: August 2016.
Begin voice lessons: September 2016.
Begin laser hair removal on face: October 2016.
First part-time full dressing in public: October 2016.
Begin HRT: January 2017.
Out in public, begin full-time: April 2017.
Legal name change: July 2017.
First referral letter for GRS: February 2018.

so my whole life I was into dressing as a female in secret, but I never really had a feminine personality. In 2013 something just came over me and I think that's when I realized that I really was transgender, it wasn't just some clothing fetish. I don't think that counts as the bomb, let's just say that's when the fuse was lit. the following year I considered seeing a therapist but I didn't. I also considered starting a journal and writing about how gender dysphoria has impacted me over the last few years, but I didn't do that either, instead I just drank every night, but I started writing songs about my dysphoria. January 2017 the drinking caught up with me, I got gout and I had to stop drinking so I could take medication for it. Then a month later I realized that I was thinking clearer than ever and then BOOM! The gender dysphoria was still with me while I had the most mental clarity I've had in years, it was obviously not going anywhere so I had to do something about it, so I started coming out to a few friends and everything just escalated from there. In March of 2017 I started seeing a therapist and by April she approved me to go to a doctor for HRT. I needed to lose some serious weight though and I wanted to get a head start on that before HRT, so I decided to hold off on HRT until September, but in May I still went to the gender doctor to talk with them. I found that the weight loss was going a lot better than I had expected so I decided to bump up my start date to July, I started HRT on my 31st birthday in another week it will have been 8 months since I started HRT! I'm not full time yet though. I probably would have gone full time back in December or January if I could have, but I need my own apartment first, which I'm going to be getting in a few more weeks. I'm going to settle in for a month and then come out in early May! So much happening in the next couple months, I'm nervous but excited!

Besides being into girly activities since I was 3, and wanting to dress as a girl since I was 5, the bomb heated up periodically, and finally blew when I was 24.  That was the point when there was no turning back. It could no longer be contained, and I could no longer pretend to be a guy. Perhaps it was more of a gender volcano, in that there were quakes, and there was smoke, before the final eruption. After the pyroplastic flow, nothing could have been more obvious.

I was 25 when I knew I had to do something. I spent a few months writing everything down. A lot of my feelings over the years had been really suppressed so it took a while to unlock them. I started having counselling every month for about a year and then came out to my partner. It's been a bumpy path so far and I think there'll be a few more bumps on the road to go yet xx

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I've always suppressed my feminine side, acted manly as if to prove there was nothing unusual, while I secretly dressed in women's clothes which was comforting, I buried my feelings but in doing so made me very cynical, bitter, and unhappy, until about three years ago I felt I could no longer live with myself as a man, I sought a therapist out and talked around every problem in my life avoiding to say what I knew I felt inside, it took about 18 months to pluck up the courage to tell my therapist I have always felt female.

The relief in saying that was indescribable, it took another 2 months to tell my wife and family, then about another couple of months before telling close friends, then later my employer, after about 9 months I started HRT.

For me I felt I could not hide any longer and had to be myself, and that dictated the pace I went. Each set of friends/family etc I told was mentally exhausting, not knowing, or second guessing how they will react took a lot out of me, and I had to recharge which took time.

Like others have said, go at your own pace, transitioning is a slooow process but there are things you can do quickly if you want, I shaved my entire body the day I told my wife, quickly had laser hair removal, and still  doing electrolysis - which is painfully slow, so if you are inclined get started.

Try not to judge yourself against the progress of others, try to be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up if you can't achieve goals you may have set yourself, transitioning is not easy, but it can be the most rewarding thing you could ever do for yourself.

Best of luck xx

Quote from: SashaHyde on March 11, 2018, 11:17:22 AM
Not sure this is the best spot for this thread so please move if there is a better spot.

I know some have known you're entire life and to be honest a part of me always has but has been so long suppressed that when my gender bomb went off in early Jan, the meta arc of my femininity became crystal clear. Its always been there and has always been trying to come out and now it wants out bad and wants dominance and I'm just so so so tired or struggling with masculinity. I;ve felt I was always battling it, its just unnatural to my nature.

My question is this. I'd like to know for those like me that had a gender bomb go off, what was the timeline of action for you? Obviously we all feel an urgency to be our authentic self. Did you sit with it for any length of time. I've started seeing a gender therapist with the intention to see them for at least 6 months before considering hrt.
Myself, I think I will be happy if I'm living full-time in 3-4 years, 4 realistically.

I'd like to know about the people on here and their paths so if there is valid info I can absorb it. If there is an older thread I haven't seen about this please point me in that direction.

Thanks y'all

I've known less than a year, and I'm full-time, for about two weeks now.

I think it's really about being authentic. Can anyone be happy repressing who they truly are? Sure, there will be problems. Sure, people will laugh at you, reject you, tell you you're sick, twisted, perverted, confused ... So what? You know what it's like to live as a woman trying to cram herself into a male presentation, frame of mind. They don't. Hold fast to what you already know to be true, and don't give their ignorance any special privileges, whether they're family or not.

I am of the firm belief that going full-time as soon as you can is generally the best course of action. Only the threat of violence gives me pause.

Moni, I'm laying out my transition goals now. How did you afford that much work? I make a pretty decent amount of money and that much work scares my pocketbook. I wish I could just lay it all out like that over a few years. seriously, how? I'm thinking about working week ends at Starbucks just for the insurance (really).

My final certainty that I was not a feminine male or nonbinary came about September 2014. I immediately began adjusting my wardrobe, though I already had a lot of women's clothes and growing my hair out. I began to talk to my friends about it at the same time and my then-spouse. I began living as a woman by December that year and started changing pronouns etc. The social transition.

By Feb 2015, I was on t-blockers and then estrogen by about April. A year after that in April 2016, I upped estrogen and added progesterone. So the gap for me was pretty small.

I can't pinpoint when I first really felt this way, but when I first UNDERSTOOD that these feelings have a word for it and steps that follow, I did my research, came out to my gf maybe 2 months later. After searching for a therapist, finally one who was also trans, decided to point me in the right direction than take my money. When I told her I wanted to start the process as soon as I could and Id have to space out her sessions drastically to afford them she told me about a clinic in the city (NYC) Callen Lorde. I saw their therapist once, the NP and nursing for bloodwork, and within a month or so I got my first shot of testosterone. All in all, I'd say it took a little under a year. After I came out to my gf we fought, broke up for a year and in that time I spent 4 months testing out binding/packing (with ace bandages and socks, ha) wallowing in my relationship drama, etc. Then finally another 2 months of calling therapists, then trying to book an availability appt at Callen Lorde (that took like 3 months). So I think a little under a year was pretty quick for me. I was nervous and part of me did worry maybe I was reading myself wrong and I wasn't trans, but I was too excited to start the HRT to second guess. And once it finally started working, it just confirmed I was right to start this all in the first place.

Also, this was 5 years ago. Not only do I feel things would be slower if I wasnt born in this generation,  but also I realized it early, when I was 19. I feel like if I realized when I was older, I'd not rush because even though I spent my whole life as the wrong gender, I think being young made it easier for all the adrenaline and excitement to overwhelm me. I dont regret it at all, but I know I definitely didn't think too long about HRT before starting. There's a reason men usually die of heart related complications. Testosterone has definitely messed with my blood pressure, cholesterol metabolism and other things. But all it means is I have to be healthier, which is something to normally strive for so oh well!

Edit: And unless you have worries health wise, then you shouldn't wait too long. If you're really sure and you feel more comfortable living as your gender not DAB and even maybe feel like living as your birth sex feels suffocating and like you're faking it or lying, then don't hesitate to go full-time. I know fear of possible threats and violence is a big thing too, especially in less liberal places, so make sure to take care of yourself.

I think its a great idea ladies to buy mace (I always carry some), take some self-defense or any other MMA courses and practice. Until the world accepts us, there will be bigots who will try and hurt us. And some maneuvers are basic and easy to learn/remember if a transphobic person comes at you and gets violent. Mace is a great incapacitator (ive been maced twice, can confirm its awful) , easy to carry in any purse or pocket,and if its hard to get or illegal where you live, some self defense moves are veey easy to turn the tables on your opponent > dont let fear hold you back from living