Thank you Cassi and cynthialee
Update:
----------------------
Facial hair removal- Thermolysys is really doing a good job. I am still doing electrolysis ( she is a trans friend) but it is not as effective on me. It goes to show to use different methods. I think some people may respond to different methods better.
---------------------------
I did not go to group Thursday. I was wiped out from the snow and needed to get some rest.
---------------------------
Therapist - I have secondary insomnia. I get to sleep very well and when stress levels are low to moderate I can sleep 5 hours without waking. When I wake I can not get back to sleep. When stress is up a bit I get 3 or so hours of sleep then wake and can not get to sleep. My therapist asked what I think about? I responded from superficial to core. She asked if I would keep a dream journal. I said I have one by my bed. I told her I did not need it, the dreams are the same.
Superficial - work stress de jour.
She asked is that it. Then I told her a layer.
Base dream- I dream about when I was six or seven and I would wrap rubber bands around my gonads at night before I wet to bed. One night I fell asleep (that was the plan) then a while later I awoke and had a dream where my dad beat me unmercifully. I took the rubber bands off. I should have left them on and gone back to sleep this haunts me.
What I did not tell her and what bothers me so much is I go back into my past from recent to way back. I crate different endings. The first part is from the past then I recreate. There are themes to the new endings and it always ends in me transitioning and being accepted or starting a new life with a new family or other endings.
There were many things I recreate with new endings. I guess it is on my subconscious. My therapist wants to help me to end the dreams but they are my past and then I recreate a new ending. How do I stop that? This is my past it consumed me. It altered who I am, my identity. I am trying to find my new base my new normal and create a new life and share my life with a person that wants to be part of my present and future.
---------------
25 days till the operation. I sometimes think it is not worth it, just passing thoughts. I guess mainly I am afraid it will not be successful. I guess the urethra by far then the scar tissue is my biggest concern then making the bottom of my vagina followed by labiaplasty then hood correction.
---------------------------------------
The guy from
match.com - I am thinking of blocking him. I asked twice if he wanted to get coffee and if he wanted to meet after work. Each time he said he would see if he can get some time to meet. Then when he calls the connection is always bad and I end up saying to call me from a land line but he doesn't. I need to write a tactful message basically saying I need to see a person face to face and that it is best if we no longer contact each other. I just need to get the nerve up to send the e-mail.
-----------------------------------