Quote from: Lisbeth on March 01, 2008, 08:44:41 PM
A solution that Deb had suggested was to say we are sisters-in-law.  That way people wouldn't question why we had the same last name.  That's satisfactory with me.

She drove me to the hospital for my colonoscopy about a week ago, and as you may know, the driver is supposed to stay until the procedure is over and take the patient back home.  When the nurse was taking me in she asked, "Is Deborah a friend or family?"  And I answered that she was family.  That was good enough.

We really don't need to define our relationship beyond that we are family.

For medical purposes, I usually refer to Mary as my "Next of Kin".

Quote from: Dawn D. on February 25, 2008, 05:18:13 PM
In an attempt not to be labeling of anyone, I am looking for guidance in defining what an otherwise heterosexual relationship with my wife might be considered to be. I will be beginning transition soon, though my wife is ambivolent about us continuing in our relationship as husband and wife. My feeling right now is that she does not want to be seen as being lesbian. I personally do not care how anyone sees us. But, that is just me. She needs some kind of validation to continue our marriage. So, I'm wondering how you see yourselves in your own relationships, if your SO's have/are stayed/staying with you.



Dawn

I'm still in the early stages here, and I'm not yet sure just how far my transition will go. But the other night, my wife announced that she would stay with me no matter what. She's not bi; she's not lesbian. She's very much hetero. But, she's indicated that my happiness is important to her and she wants to be married to me, whatever body I'm in.

I cannot believe how lucky I am to have her.

I hope this post doesn't come across as boasting, as that's not what I'm trying to do. I'm just trying to describe my situation and answer the question.

I guess if I did get MtF SRS, that would make us a lesbian couple, to all outward appearances. I'm not sure how that would affect the status of our legal marriage, however, since such unions are still not recognized. Spiritually, emotionally, I don't think it would change our relationship with each other. It's not each other's bodies we fell in love with.

Quote from: Shades O'Grey on March 13, 2008, 01:31:56 PM
I guess if I did get MtF SRS, that would make us a lesbian couple, to all outward appearances. I'm not sure how that would affect the status of our legal marriage, however, since such unions are still not recognized.

It's a legal mess, basically a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. You're still married in theory... but if a particular agency (health insurance carrier, etc.) wants to contest it, they have grounds for doing so. And you can then either take them to court over it, or just deal with it and move on. And even if the court rules for or against you being married, it likely only applies to your marital status for THAT particular problem. At least in PA, there are no statewide laws deciding whether TS marriages are considered "same sex" or not. So each individual organization gets to decide for themselves. Yay.

A very unsettling situation where for the rest of our (married) lives, we basically just "get away with it" until we don't

~Kate~

Quote from: Kate on March 13, 2008, 01:51:21 PM
It's a legal mess, basically a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. You're still married in theory... but if a particular agency (health insurance carrier, etc.) wants to contest it, they have grounds for doing so. And you can then either take them to court over it, or just deal with it and move on. And even if the court rules for or against you being married, it likely only applies to your marital status for THAT particular problem. At least in PA, there are no statewide laws deciding whether TS marriages are considered "same sex" or not. So each individual organization gets to decide for themselves. Yay.

A very unsettling situation where for the rest of our (married) lives, we basically just "get away with it" until we don't

~Kate~

That's kind of what I thought. Obviously, there's a lot I'll need to think about and discuss with my wife during this whole process.

I had the same situation with my partner.  She in no way identifies as lesbian.  You may notice that the sexual component of your relationship declines but you still love each other and are still commited.  I refer to our's  as a non-sexual intimate relationship.