I can't even believe I'm posting this, as I'm 38-years-old.

But, I'm not sure how, or if, I should come out to my parents. I'm fairly certain my mom would freak a bit, but no disowning there. I'm not so sure about my dad.

One of the upsides to having kids as young as I did is that I'll be 42 when my youngest is 20. My wife and I were talking about my coming out as an androgyne/possible MTF TG. She suggested that I might want to wait at least until our youngest has graduated high school. She's a sophomore now, so it wouldn't be much longer. But this way, if my parents do reject me, it won't (or at least shouldn't) affect their relationships with our kids.

I feel like I should tell my parents. But, I'm dreading it nonetheless. What can they do, kick me out of their house? BFD, I've got my own home and have for nearly 20 years. Why am I still so damned passive with regards to my dad? This is crazy. It's not like he could physically attack me; his knees are so effed up he'd never catch me.

Sheesh; out of the house for 19 years and I still am afraid of my dad.

Ick.

The parents are usually the biggest hurdle.  Do what you feel is right... but in my case I am glad that I told my parents.  Otherwise it would feel like i was lying to them.  Same would go for children.  She's more than old enough to understand what is going on.

Your wife sounds supportive, so maybe when you decide to come out to your parents you could take her along.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

I think everyone is worried about telling there parents and it is the biggest thing you have to do.

If you dont want to lie to them the tell them how you feel and explain that it has nothing to do with them.

If you cant tell them face to face then write them a letter. At least there would be no interruptions and you would be able to get it all off your chest.

I wish you all the luck.

Jay

Thanks, folks.

I guess I just need to cowgirl up and get it done, one way or another.

Quote from: Shades O'Grey on March 11, 2008, 01:43:14 PM
Sheesh; out of the house for 19 years and I still am afraid of my dad.

LOL, I know the feeling. I think we're biologically programmed to want to make our parents proud, to have them respect us and acknowledge the accomplishments of our lives. I don't think that urge EVER goes away, no matter how old we are, no matter how poor or distant the relationship becomes. We'll always be their children, and they'll always be our parents.

I was TERRIFIED to tell my parents (I'm 43, they're in their 70s), but I knew I had to. And I WANTED to. Once I started transitioning, I hid this from no one. Looking back, it seems kinda silly how afraid I was. I led into it, dropped hints over a few days to warm them up, and then called one night and told mom. And told dad a few days later I think (though she's already spilled it to him). It's scary, but it felt good to get it Out There, regardless of what happened. They NEEDED to know.

Besides, I had just told my coworkers and other relatives (wife's side), so I had to tell my own parents before they heard it from someone else. All part of a Master Plan I'd laid out long before

~Kate~

Quote from: Kate on March 14, 2008, 10:46:06 AM

Quote from: Shades O'Grey on March 11, 2008, 01:43:14 PM
Sheesh; out of the house for 19 years and I still am afraid of my dad.

LOL, I know the feeling. I think we're biologically programmed to want to make our parents proud, to have them respect us and acknowledge the accomplishments of our lives. I don't think that urge EVER goes away, no matter how old we are, no matter how poor or distant the relationship becomes. We'll always be their children, and they'll always be our parents.

I was TERRIFIED to tell my parents (I'm 43, they're in their 70s), but I knew I had to. And I WANTED to. Once I started transitioning, I hid this from no one. Looking back, it seems kinda silly how afraid I was. I led into it, dropped hints over a few days to warm them up, and then called one night and told mom. And told dad a few days later I think (though she's already spilled it to him). It's scary, but it felt good to get it Out There, regardless of what happened. They NEEDED to know.

Besides, I had just told my coworkers and other relatives (wife's side), so I had to tell my own parents before they heard it from someone else. All part of a Master Plan I'd laid out long before

~Kate~

I don't know if I want my parents to be "proud" of me. I don't want their rejection, but I'm more concerned of them rejecting me ruining their relationships with my kids. Which is why I was considering waiting coming out to my parents until my daughter was older. That way, she could still visit them in the even I'm unwelcome.

My dad openly hates non-heterosexuals. "Lesbian," "->-bleeped-<-/got," "AC/DC," "queer," and the like are all vicious epithets when used by him. Part of me hopes he kicks-off before I feel the need to come out to him. My mom is a little more level-headed, but still heterosexist.

Do they "need to know?" I can't really see why. I'm no longer their charge. I've never felt any undo amount of love towards them, and I'm not really sure why.