Hello Everybody, I'm Miah. That much, at least, I'm sure about.
I'm in my late forties, born male, and have been gender bending since I was a teenager. Stop me if you've heard this one before: the androgynous slender boy with the long hair who sometimes paints his nails or wears eyeliner, always has lots of jewelry, hates sports, always comes in drag to every costume party... That was me. Over the years I drifted more and more towards feminine clothing, but never really went full femme and I'm still not sure I would consider myself trans - but at some point in my early thirties I started to really lean towards a more feminine identity. Over the next few years I started to realize, in fact, I don't identify with the male gender at all, and I never have - I just never questioned the fact that I was male until then. Growing up male is definitely part of who I am today, but it's not my core.
Now, I don't think I want to do any kind of medical transition, but I'm more convinced than ever that I am essentially feminine on the inside, and I want less and less to do with masculine clothing and habits. I think I'm just done with "man stuff". I don't feel like I need to be wearing dresses and makeup all the time, but I'm damned if I'll ever shop in the men's department again. I like my tight jeans and yoga pants and bright, slim-fit T-shirts, my clogs and my pretty sandals, and I feel seriously underdressed if I don't have at least three rings and two pairs of earrings on.
This is probably way too many words just to say that I'm nonbinary and probably best described as demifemme. I know, I know.
I'm married with two kids, and have always been pretty open with all of them about who I am. I "officially" came out to the kids a few years ago, but it was really just a formality, because I never bothered to hide my femme side at home. With my wife it's a bit of a struggle sometimes because she comes from a culture where a man is a man and a woman is a woman, amen and hallelujah, and you never, EVER talk about this kind of thing. So while she's known from day one that I have a pretty strong "feminine side" and been more open to it than many cis women would be, we don't talk about it much and she has some pretty firm boundaries that she is very uncomfortable about crossing.
In public, I'm not exactly out but I'm not exactly hiding my "girl side" either. I work in a strongly female-dominated field, where the customers frequently say things like "thank you, ladies!" For years some of my coworkers would say "... and (Miah's male name)!" until I told them enough times that I'm perfectly okay with being part of the collective "ladies". One thing I'm really happy about is that over the years my workplace has seen an influx of staff who are not as conservative as the old group, and I feel a lot freer to dress and act "fabulous" these days. It's been very liberating.
What else should I add to this terribly wordy intro post? I'm a veteran, a geek, a cat lover, hiker, knitter, gamer, avid reader and occasional writer of horror and fantasy fiction. Currently reading G.R.R. Martin's "Dreamsongs", and the last movie I watched was Black Panther. Which I was ever so slightly disappointed in that they nixed the opportunity for queer representation in the Dora Milaje, but otherwise loved.
Not sure where I'm going from here, but thank you for letting me be here and bore you all with my wordiness.
- Miah
