First of I'd like to say thanks to anyone who comments or reply's with help and or information on my current dilemma.

At this point in my life I'm 35 and been in a relationship with my gf for about 15 years , we have 2 kids 15 and 4. My eldest has learning difficulties and struggles with autism (doesn't like change etc)

My gf knows of "Marie" and she puts up with her for the sake of it. Never said she dislikes what I do etc and there has been times when I've mentioned transgender tendencies.

I'm at the point now where it's in my head all the time , I'm researching it more and more , watching transition videos on YouTube. Constantly wondering what life would be like as "Marie" I'm self employed in quite a macho job. Although that's not my worry. My kids are my world and I've only ever thought of them first. But there becomes a point where I think I should start thinking of putting me first.

It's starting to effect my metal well being , feeling depressed and when I have these strong dysphoria tendencies , I come out in spots and feel really low in myself.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar having children etc ? Any help would be appreciative.

Marie x

Marie this is a hard decision especially when it come to kids. I put it off for 30 years and the last 10 or so were due to my family being young. At the end the feelings got so strong I had to do something. Its been a turbulent five months and my wife and children aren't super happy. However, they also realize that this is something I have to do. I work with autistic kids all the time and know well their aversion to change. Look at your childs strengths and try and find ways to communicate through those. Social stories work, as do visuals. The nice thing about autistic kids is that once they do change their view it stays that way!

Putting your own mental well being first is an important step in supporting your family better. A bitter, angry Dad isn't much use to them and it will show in everything you do. Been there!

Good luck!

Hi, Marie!

Welcome to Susan's.

I think you will find that lots of members are or have been in a similar position.  It is not easy, and there are no perfect solutions.  I can't offer any specific advice myself, since I have never had kids, except the furry kind.  Hopefully, someone else can.

One thing I would recommend is that you start seeing a gender therapist.  They will help you to work out what is the best course of action for you, given your circumstances.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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It might sound cliche, but find a good therapist to talk about this, they can be super helpful.

Hi , thanks all for replying

I think I'm going to get an appointment with my doc and have a chat about my feelings. I'm starting to think that when ever I have some strong dysphoria I have a bout of depression , causing me to feel low. It's a nasty cycle and need to address it. Once again thanks for the advice.

Marie xx

Hello,

I am 51 and a transgender woman. I have raised two children who were mine, and in their 20's having been in the system for so long, I struggled so that they could finish school. I am married but these were my children from my past. I also have half a dozen children from marriage. However, the only thing I know how to do with them is stay in therapy. I have motivational issues. It is hard for me to get out of bed. Beginning with my relationship to my mother, we all need to ease up on ourselves for being dysfunctional. Having kids, and literally transitioning my gender was not the greatest challenge I have faced. Yet, I admit with my kids who went through the system I faced complete defeat, and literally felt defeated. In my experience, the greatest challenge has been in staying active with even one community. I started in AA with the 12 steps at the age of 26. I became a Transgender LGBT activist at 40. Finding a balance to keep my interests going, and achieving my goals has been the  hardest struggle. I have 31 graduate credits in Education and it maybe I will have to satisfy the requirements without a diploma before having to start over again in the humanities. My experience is that raising children as a Transgender is very much a single experience. While I love my wife, and love that we can be close, my conviction not to leave the past behind to give my kids a chance may have been late in our needing to have  a family of our own. I believe once Transgenders can accept themselves they can begin to think of their own families as a multiple unit. Until then we can feel left up to our own completely, no matter how hard we try. 

Thanks for the reply's , it's kinda helped.

I rang the dr's , he gave  me a number to the trans help clinic in Nottingham , who in teen said that my doc needs to refer me and that there is a 24 month waiting time. Just to see a consultant :-(

Is there anywhere in the uk I could get seen privately instead of on the nhs ?

Xx

Hello MarieLouise

Yes I can thoroughly recommend GenderGP. I and several other members of Susan's are registered with them.

They have a counselling service and after counsellor validation, you may proceed to hormones if you so choose from Dr Webberley and her husband. Their admin is also very efficient at answering questions and helping you in general. You start by e-mail and then counselling by phone or Skype or visit. (I chose not to visit as I am in NW England and they are in Abergavenny in Wales.

A good all round service. Perhaps you could let me know if in due course you register there.

Good luck on your journey.

Pamela