Has having support or lack of it influenced your transition, and in what ways?

Do you have supportive people in your life? Friends? Family? Coworkers? Online friends etc.?

Have the closest people to you been supportive or unsupportive? Has that affected your decisions?

Has someone supportive been a great influence on your transitioning? Or has the lack of support from people (or the experienced lack of) negatively affected your life? Have you postponed transition because of it?

Do you now have insight on your decisions in life? Has support (or lack of it) played a huge role? Or are you the lone wolf type who did it all by themselves  ?

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In my life support has played a huge role. When I came out at 13-14 my family's baaaad reaction to it made it clear I couldn't turn to them for support. That made me less open about it in their presence to avoid conflict. After that the situation molded itself to 'don't ask don't tell' which I perceive as 'as long as I keep my mouth shut and don't talk about it, they tolerate it'. Since then, not even once have they ever brought it up. They like to pretend it's not happening (and my sister had the nerve to tell me she's utterly shocked now that I finally plan on getting on T). I have absolutely no idea what goes through their minds or how they see me. But from my sister's reaction I can guess it's very well possible they just don't wanna think about it and want to pretend I'm a woman despite living as a guy since 13... They also like to pretend me and my spouse are 'friends'!

At 16 I tried to transition but that was a mess and I faced transphobia etc.  I thought I tried my everything to sort it out but got no help from anywhere. I felt completely alone. I didn't even inform my family bcos of the aforementioned reasons. I just didn't know where to turn to after that - so I just sucked it up and concluded I wasn't able to transition. And tried to live my life regardless. Not having support from anyone played a huge role I think, because I would have really needed some advice on what to do next.

On the other hand I always had my spouse (been together forever) and she has always been 10000000% supportive of everything I do! She has been there for me despite me being pre-everything forever. I always felt it was an 'us against the world' type of situation. Not getting help nor support from anywhere else I really clinged on to her. I felt I don't need no others. My family was bad, school was bad, the kids at school were bad, encounters with medical staff were bad. So finally after that trying to transition mess I was fed up with whole humanity pretty much! So yeah, not getting support really negatively affected my life, I think.

After that I isolated myself, felt I was drifting, felt numb, felt a pang of a very painful feeling whenever faced with transgender people in general. I couldn't bear to look at pics of cis guys neither vids of trans guys. I felt there's nothing I could do - so I just avoided the subject altogether as best as I could! That then meant that I didn't follow YouTube vids or anything or didn't know the times were changing...

Finally about two years ago I started compulsively watching videos on anything transgender related and tried to work through my internalized transphobia (mainly caused by the fact I didn't transition and the whole bitterness bcos of that). After suffering alone for so long, I felt shocked at how openly all the trans guys on YouTube were telling about themselves. They were openly trans and fine with it!

Ordering this book helped me tremendously:
Dara Hoffman-Fox: You and your gender identity
It helped me work on many issues I had and I finally accepted that yeah, I indeed am transgender... (I always was convinced I'm a guy - but wasn't quite sure if that in itself made me trans enough to be transgender.) That book was the first 'support' I got on this!

A few months ago I signed up in here, and the support I've gotten from all you guys has been MARVELOUS!!!!!!!! I've never felt this supported in my whole life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was the last turning point - and my life has improved SO MUCH in such a short period of time. I feel like a completely new man right now. For the first time in my life I have people to turn to, other than just my spouse. Pretty much all that anger and bitterness and hopelessness and internalized transphobia is gone! I already changed my name and about to start that process and I already made the first irl friend for ages.

So yeah, not having support played a huge role - and getting it finally had even bigger effect!!!

This was bit of a long read  - so if you managed this far, I wanna say THANK YOU for everyone here!!! You made it all happen! So I'm forever grateful, guys! (And girls,  for those who don't perceive 'guys' as gender neutral as I do.)

Quote from: PurpleWolf on March 24, 2018, 11:50:07 AM
Has having support or lack of it influenced your transition, and in what ways?

Not really. It always felt like a personal decision, the weight of which was entirely mine to bear.

QuoteDo you have supportive people in your life? Friends? Family? Coworkers? Online friends etc.?

I suppose this depends on what the word "supportive" means. If it means people who are "for" the idea of transition, who are looking forward to it, encouraging, that sort of thing... no. I have nobody who feels it's something "good", but rather "necessary" if I say it is. To them it's something going on because it's something I have to do. But not something we shoot the breeze about like it's eagerly anticipated. If supportive means people who accept it and have done me a few favors here and there with advice or navving to the clinic sometimes, then yeah. I have a few of those. All my close friends treat me and speak to me exactly as any other man, and ideally that's all I could ask for or want. 

QuoteHave the closest people to you been supportive or unsupportive? Has that affected your decisions?

None of their opinion affected my decisions, but most of the 'closest' people were also the most resistant. To say my other half was mortified at first would be an understatement, mother was a bit of a cow about it, although she knew better than to lecture since she's spent her life telling others they have to respect personal choices, even if they don't approve. My biological dad has been much better than her about it. My sister was fine about it. Not sure about the other siblings. They don't know me that well so it probably doesn't mean much to them.   

QuoteHas someone supportive been a great influence on your transitioning? Or has the lack of support from people (or the experienced lack of) negatively affected your life? Have you postponed transition because of it?

Not really. It feels like something mostly confined to myself. That's not surprising since I keep most people at a certain distance to preserve my personal freedom anyway and always have. I was surprised by my mother's attitude since she was always saying she was pro-LGBT but now apparently finds trans issues a load of crap, but whatever. I'm not surprised by my boyfriend's reaction since he's a straight man. However, like the others, he doesn't see the point in living a lie, so they generally have just accepted the process without much comment.

I did hang off a bit in 2015 to be absolutely sure I needed transition since it was going to affect a 10-year relationship, but it wasn't because of support or lack thereof, just figuring out what the repercussions were going to be and whether it was logically justified to me.

QuoteDo you now have insight on your decisions in life? Has support (or lack of it) played a huge role? Or are you the lone wolf type who did it all by themselves  ?

Yeah, it's thrown a lot of light on who I am and why I've done what I've done. A bit too much light, maybe, all at once. But support was never something I counted on having or needing. Definitely a lone wolf here. To me there is almost nothing more personal I can think of in life than a physical/sexual transition. It's an intensely individual journey that few others could be relied upon to understand, nor can they "share" the experience with you as such, nor can they go through it "with" you. They can help in other ways, which for me most people have, but at the end of the day its a door we have to walk through alone to me. If I didn't have the qualities to do that in the beginning I would not have begun the process since we know it's not an easy path.

But I will say that the sort of info and advice you can get from the internet is a support of sorts, and without that it would have been a more difficult process. While I am getting on with most of the doing myself, a lot of the run up to it was done with the help of countless anecdotes and descriptions contributed by others to the community at large. Perhaps that has been the most supportive aspect for me in the whole thing, even if it wasn't directed at me.

The best support I've had has been right here on Susan's. I have a few friends who've been great, and my local trans* group, but the bulk of family/friends have been accepting not supportive, they're is a difference for me.

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Has having support or lack of it influenced your transition, and in what ways?

I don't think so. I mean I support my therapist by paying him and he writes a letter so I can stay out of work longer lol I just called him out for dozing off during sessions.  Transitioning is a huge pain. I want to go from male to female and it's just gonna take a while.

Do you have supportive people in your life? Friends? Family? Coworkers? Online friends etc.?

I'm on here, my friends and family can barely support themselves. People don't really give me any special attention or treatment. If anything, I'm the one who people lean on and it's a lot to take. My job obviously I'm very much the person they call in any crisis... it took a toll on me and I'm not working now because of it

Have the closest people to you been supportive or unsupportive? Has that affected your decisions?

They don't really know yet except one of my sisters. We haven't talked (unless we see each other) for the past few weeks. And I'm okay with that. She thinks I'll never pass as a woman. Bye felicia (to my sister). Her telling me these doubts she has really knocked me down at the time.

Has someone supportive been a great influence on your transitioning? Or has the lack of support from people (or the experienced lack of) negatively affected your life? Have you postponed transition because of it?

For years I held off on transitioning because of fear, anger, sadness... depression was my way of life. I would gain weight, lose weight, on and on.. I always felt so empty and worthless. My insecurities are still there, but I'm slowly not feeling that emptiness.

But yes, my family held me back. I can write a book about that...

Do you now have insight on your decisions in life? Has support (or lack of it) played a huge role? Or are you the lone wolf type who did it all by themselves  ?

I wouldn't say I'm a lone wolf. I think that's a title I don't deserve yet.. my doctora have helped along the way. In some ways transitioning is lonely unless we surround ourseleves with trans sisters and brothers. 

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm rallying a pity party for myself.. these are the challenges I face right now

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At this point in time I probably can count on my hands the number of people I've told about me.  With the exception of my brother, all have been supportive.

In fact, I told a long-time friend about a month ago.  She was surprised but supportive.  Last night I was chatting with her on FB and she mentioned how the pictures reflect such smooth and radiant skin.  I told her (thinking of Jess and Ashley) that some older trans have actually turned out looking anywhere from 10-20 years younger - her response "You Bitches", lol.

My niece talks with my first wife who will have contact with everyone but me and my friend asked if she knew.  I know my niece told her.  My friend asked what she said and I said my niece wouldn't tell me if she said anything.  I mentioned that she was friending people but my friend said that she thought too much of me to friend her because if she did bad-mouth me her "Bitch" would come out.  Had a tearful moment there out of happiness of still having a friend.  Oh, and she liked my red hair, lol.

I have received a lot of support.  90% of it has been from my wife.  Within the first minute of telling her about myself, she said the magic words, "Whatever you decide, I will support you."  She meant it, too. 

Whenever I have taken another step on this road, she has been there telling me yes of course you have to do this.  She goes clothes shopping with me.  Her price is that she has to get new clothes, too.  So we are a couple of old ladies out together on a shopping trip.  She jokes about how I made her a lesbian, and makes a point to hold my hand when we are in public.  She makes the load light for me by not making me feel like I have put a burden on her.

My older brother, too, has been behind me since day one.  I told him the day after I told my wife.  He was the executor of our mother's estate, and still had some of her jewelry in a safe deposit box.  When I mentioned getting my ears pierced, he packaged it all up and sent it to me.  This past fall, he and his partner drove clear across the country, coast-to-coast, to visit me.  It wasn't a long visit, but we had some quality time together.  It gave me goose bumps to hear him refer to me in public as his sister!

When I came out to a couple of large groups by email, I received dozens of responses, every one of which was supportive, sharing stories about their own family members, or commenting on my choice of names, or even just assuring me that they would continue to associate with me.  When I contacted the organizer of an event I had agreed to speak at, coming out and offering to step down if they felt I would be an embarassment to them, he assured me that it was my mind they wanted, and that I would remain on the program regardless of transition (and to let him know ASAP what name I wanted listed on the program).

When I first came out, my wife shared my news with some of her long-distance friends (no danger of blabbing to locals).  She showed me the replies.  Some of them were so sweet, it still brings tears to my eyes!

As with my wife's support, the support from others helps me by making the load light.  I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

The closest people in my life are my dad and brother. They are both extremely supportive and try to help any way they can with my transition. I wouldn't be nearly as far along with my transition if I hadn't had my dads help.  Im having SRS in may that my dad is paying for. From the beginning my dad has been involved in my transition.  He found and paid for my therapist and he found the Dr who does my hrt. He signed all the forms giving his consent for me to start hrt when I was 17 and he pays for everything his insurance doesn't related to my hrt. He also spent a lot of time researching surgical techniques and surgeons with me. I suppose it's kind of unusual for a father to be that involved with helping his child transition , especially a man like my dad who is very much the very masculine, ex military type guy, but my dad has always been involved with anything involving Tyler and I. Once it was clear to him that transitioning was what I needed to do he wanted me to do it ASAP while I'm young and get it out of the way. Transitioning would have been so much harder without him.

My brother has been very helpful too. He helps as much as he can and he's always tried to give me the best advice he can relating to trans issues. He's a straight CIS male so a lot of times he doesn't have a lot of advice that's especially helpful but he does try. He's also very helpful giving me a male point of view on how I dress and my look in general. Tyler has always given me a lot of emotional support. He did even before transition.  He has also always been extremely protective and other kids knowing he was saved me a lot of harassment and kept other boys from beating me up.

Having support from my loved ones has made my whole transition much less horrible than it would have been without them. I'm very lucky to have my dad and Tyler and I'm very grateful for them. And this site has also helped me a lot. I've had a lot of very good advice from the people here and it's also very helpful to me to be able to talk with other people who completely understand my feelings and issues. No matter how supportive and loving CIS people are they just can't ever understand what it's like to be trans. Only another trans person can do that.

I think it takes a very strong person to transition with 0% support from family/ friends, and I wouldn't have started if i hadn't expected a <20% resistance.

My family are neutral ranging to supportive, although when I initially came out they only supported me because they felt the 'had to', not because they believed me or wanted it for me, but because they didn't want to have to go through what would be a terrible process of attempting to stop me.

The biggest thing I've learned is that people will be accepting until they see a change to influence me away from transition -- like comments about how much acne i have since starting T (the same amount I had before ) or putting me in awkward situations to scare me out of transition. It's disappointing because I had a lot of trust and faith in my parents and I thought better of them than attempting to manipulate me haha & i also now know that they thought i was too immature and weak to cope alone with doctors being mean to me/ the idea of surgery etc and were hoping i'd change my mind the first time something was unpleasant... turns out i would like support but i don't need support

also i feel that people are happy to be neutral/ politely supportive when things are going well but if anything is hard or uncomfortable, the reaction is just 'well then just stop being trans, you chose this'

 I've had very little support really. I've always had to muddle through by myself, I'm just used to it.
I do have a wonderful doctor who have patched me up from time to time, but mostly all the leg work has come from me. There are a few here at Susan's who have also helped me though some tough times for which I'll always be grateful

I'm very independent though. I know when I've transitioned it's me that is going to have to live in this world, so I just get on with things.

I've already socially transitioned, but lack experience, having only lived full time for a little over a year. I'm still a fledgeling really after unceremoniously being booted out of the nest I'd been hiding in for so many years. I guess nature will always have her way.

Support for me would be from the medical side, starting HRT and GRS. These things are out of my hands for now. It takes a few years here in the U.K. for any kind of help which can be difficult at times.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

My mom and my sister have been very supportive, although my mom has expressed that she is unhappy that she lost her son. Also, she greatly dislikes my fashion choices, as she thinks Goth is weird. I can't be mad at her though, because if it was not for her I would have never been able to transition in the first place. It does get a bit annoying when she calls me he to make herself feel better though, but whatever.

Actually, practically everyone in my family has been supportive, and a bit overly so. The only one who does not know anything is my dad, and that is because I have not physically seen him in forever. I do not want to deal with his reaction, so I think it is best we only communicate via txt.