..so once again my wife says 'the way you guys are (meaning my kids and I -one is gay the other bi- or gender fluid) is not normal...I try to understand, but it's not normal...I don't need this stress...'

How can someone who claims to love another be concerned so much on her own ?
When this has come out in the past, it seems it's about her, how it affects her, how she sees life, not about how it affects someone else not to live true to their feelings...
First ti.e she said that, made me cry...now I'm kidda num to it...[emoji852]

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I'm sorry you're having this problem. I don't know you or your wife, but if I had to guess I would say that it's a combination of two things:

1)she probably had an idea in her head growing up of what her life and family would be like, and it's not playing out that way.

2) for cis-het people it can be difficult/impossible for them to understand what living the wrong life feels like. Lots of people think that this is some sort of lifestyle choice and that we could just choose not to be this way if we really wanted. Also a lot of people think that being "normal" is an ideal that all people strive for, and they can't comprehend what being uncomfortable all the time entails.

That was just my $0.02, I hope you and your family find happiness.

It sounds like she may be working on acceptance, perhaps understanding will come in time.  It sounds like she's hung up on the fairytale.  She may come to realize that if the love and mutual respect is there... (that is the ultimate goal of the family dynamic), the rest is all window dressing.

I just dislike how she confuses "not normal" with "infrequent."

Doesn't strike me that there's anything abnormal about being gay, fluid, or trans. However, in my limited experience, it seems to be uncommon to encounter three in a single nuclear family.

And partly it is about her, and how she feels.

Maybe she'll come round, maybe not. That'll be a shame for the children because they are owed unconditional love, but spouses aren't.

I hope you all find peace.

I know this may be the unpopular opinion on this topic, but I do not believe that being trans is "normal". Natural, most definitely! And I don't have a problem not being normal at all and it's ok. I think we must own it. I agree when people say that trans isn't normal because speaking from a strictly definitive purpose, normal means the usual. We are less than 1% of the population so we are very uncommon. At the end of the day, a lot of people have something about them that isn't normal so who cares lol

All that aside, it does seem like she has made it about herself and sounds exactly like how my cis-boyfriends mom first dealt with it. It was all about how it would effect her and her family in society. Eventually she came around and we are really close now! Hopefully in time your wife will also begin to be ok with it Stay positive!!

Quote from: jennie.ayana on March 23, 2018, 11:27:58 AM
..so once again my wife says 'the way you guys are (meaning my kids and I -one is gay the other bi- or gender fluid) is not normal...I try to understand, but it's not normal...I don't need this stress...'

How can someone who claims to love another be concerned so much on her own ?
When this has come out in the past, it seems it's about her, how it affects her, how she sees life, not about how it affects someone else not to live true to their feelings...
First ti.e she said that, made me cry...now I'm kidda num to it...[emoji852]

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Quote from: Iliana.Found on March 26, 2018, 08:36:12 AM
I know this may be the unpopular opinion on this topic, but I do not believe that being trans is "normal". Natural, most definitely! And I don't have a problem not being normal at all and it's ok. I think we must own it.

"Normal" is boring but normal is what I now am. Even though it took years to get here.

Depending on when one grew up, television shows such as "Father knows Best," "The Brady Bunch" and others imbued a false view of what "typical" family roles should be which, unfortunately, continues to be passed down. My late MIL was one of those too and she never understood why her daughter stood by me and supported me as I came to be the real (and boring) me.

Hugs
Susan

Yeah, it is uncommon.
I posted a while ago about that: I wondered if this was a hereditary trait?
Did I unknowingly pass something down to my kids...i will never know, but I would not chafe them for anything in the world.
And as far as gender rolls
..I too grew up in an ultra conservative family (they don't know I'm trans, and it scares me half to death to think about them finding put) it took me a long, long time to accept the real me,
At the end of the day, my family are my kids and wife and siblings (no one matters more to me than them) and I hope that they accept me when I finally build the courage to come out in the open..

Thank you all for your perspectives, it feels wonderful to actually be able to express yourself and have someone understand the struggles we go through in one way or another..thanks [emoji4]

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