Here is your scenario. You are pre-op and at a social function whatever that maybe. You get mingling and well someone you hit it off with just really likes you. You talk, chat, and the function is coming to an end they introduce going home with them. So with that may go expectations like sex not all the time. Assuming it is going home with them for sex, what do you say to them before about who you are and that you don't exactly fit your gender norm. I would like advice on how you tell hey before we go further I have a penis/vagina. How do you introduce that, address it, or do you do it at all? I just don't want to catch someone by surprise. Obviously if we are dating before I will bring it up at some point but, it's not the first thing. Any advice is great.
P.S. My therapist told me to think about this. She didn't say I couldn't phone a friend or 2, lol.

Sounds like an exercise to see how you view yourself?

If that happened to me I'd say "Let's get in the Delorean and go back five minutes in time. Hi, I'm Devlyn, I'm transgender."

Hugs, Devlyn

Disclaimer: I have no experience with this at all.

The one thing you absolutely want to avoid is waiting until you are at their place and getting undressed to tell them.  That is an extremely dangerous situation to be in.

I would say that the time to tell them is the moment it looks like sex is in the cards.  So, at the social gathering, the guy says, "Why don't we go to my place?" and you say, "OK, sure."  You don't necessarily want to tell him right there in the room, but sometime between there and whatever vehicle you are going to use would be a good time to tell him.  You are still close enough to the group to go back for help if you need it, and you are not yet in a vehicle where you might not have control over events.

Quote from: KathyLauren on March 29, 2018, 06:30:04 AM
Disclaimer: I have no experience with this at all.

The one thing you absolutely want to avoid is waiting until you are at their place and getting undressed to tell them.  That is an extremely dangerous situation to be in.

I would say that the time to tell them is the moment it looks like sex is in the cards.  So, at the social gathering, the guy says, "Why don't we go to my place?" and you say, "OK, sure."  You don't necessarily want to tell him right there in the room, but sometime between there and whatever vehicle you are going to use would be a good time to tell him.  You are still close enough to the group to go back for help if you need it, and you are not yet in a vehicle where you might not have control over events.

This. By the time you are at their place it is too late. You just gotta tell them when it seems like you're hitting it off and sex might be something that'll happen.

I would tell them as soon as the possibility of sex was mentioned. I would do it in a public place before I went anywhere with him alone. I've never been in a situation like the one you outlined. I did have to tell Tristan but we had already been dating for a month. We had messed around and I had given him oral but when he started wanting actual intercourse I had to tell him. I told him that I really liked him but he needed to know I was trans.

I would agree with Julia. Certainly tell him before you leave and make sure you are in a public place for that with a few people around.

Agree with others 100%! Not been in said situation myself.

One girl in a vid told it like this: I don't have a vagina.
(Though she was already in bed with him by that time which I do not advice.)
But just saying you could use: 'I'm transgender and I don't have a vagina' or something like that. Or just 'I'm transgender'. That would lead to other questions then, I'm sure.

'Sure! But before we go I have to tell you something, I'm transgender. (And I don't have a vagina.)'

And maybe add:
'I hope you are okay with that because I really like you and am up for it!'

You can never guess how the other party is gonna take it. So... worrying is useless I guess. It goes how it goes. It could turn out just fine (like in that example with the girl it did!) and then there are people who are not comfortable with that. But you could at least be somewhat upbeat about it, so it doesn't sound like it's a very grave situation, as if someone just died. At least make it sound like it's no big deal to you! And like you'd have amazing sex together if only the other one agrees!

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 29, 2018, 06:27:39 AM
Sounds like an exercise to see how you view yourself?

If that happened to me I'd say "Let's get in the Delorean and go back five minutes in time. Hi, I'm Devlyn, I'm transgender."

Hugs, Devlyn

Hmmmm, Devlyn you may have a hit the hammer on the nail there. Not so much how I see myself as how I see that one little part down there. I told her that I don't like and never have so yes, I think she is trying to get me to be okay with it so as wolf said like someone died. Add to that I did go to the local gay bar and mingle with a few too many downed too. I was clicking with some people. Now, keep in mind I am bi and lean towards feminine attraction but, I am just going to go with the flow. So being that it's a known gay bar makes me being trans less of a shock whoever I tell. Thanks all for the comments. I think this helped for sure. I was complicating it in my head make it simple and easy. Say it with confidence and not stress is what I got from all of you. I already was thinking I need to do it before we left somewhere. Julia in your case I would have done the same. If they like me and we are dating bring it up at the right time and shouldn't matter.

I'm pretty blunt with stuff like this. If I thought it was relevant to a relationship, I'd simply say "btw,  in case you hadn't realised I'm transgender". If they walk away, their loss. If they ask questions, I'm fine answering. If they don't react, I figure they already figured it out and it's not an issue for them. X

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