How did you decide to change your name?

How did you tell everyone? How did this affect your social life? Family life? Place of employment? Did you use one name in one place, and another name in other places?

I am feeling the definite pull to adopt a gender neutral name. I have no interest in dealing with the legalities of it (at least at this point).

I feel like it would be pointless to do around family, like it would stress them out more than it's worth. They have also known me the longest, the old me. Like my grandmother doesn't NEED to know about any of this, it's not necessary. My family is also very small so I feel like no big deal.

I WOULD LOVE to change my name in the workplace. However, I don't know how my employer would react. Everyone would definitely think I'm weird (especially if I'm not transitioning). I don't know if this would jeopardize my employment, because I live in a fire at will state. But because I interact with strangers, I feel like it's important to me and meaningful to present myself to the world as I am. I don't know how else to describe it, but I feel differently about this than I do with the issue of family.

Online and when meeting new people - introducing myself with a name of choice would be no problem.

Have you ever not responded to your name after you changed it? How did you decide to tell everyone? How did people react? What challenges did you face?

I didn't expect, or ask anyone to use Devlyn before it became my legal name. I'd expect pushback on that. If you haven't "dealt with the legalities of it" you're only talking about a nickname, and you can be whatever you want with that.

Hugs, Devlyn

I knew from day one that I would transition, so I wanted a permanent, legal name that I would be happy with in the long term.  I came out first to family and friends, and I told tham at the time that I wanted to use the name Kathy, but that it was not necessarily my final answer.  I was basically trying out my best candidate name to see how I liked it.

When I came out publicly, I just told everyone that my name would henceforth be Kathy.  I immediately started the legal paperwork to make it official.  I am now legally Kathleen Lauren <lastname>.

I get misgendered from time to time with pronouns from people who knew me from before.  But I have not heard my deadname spoken for a long time.

Ordered several copies of a deed poll, got it signed and witnessed by somebody, then used it to change details on everything else.

I didn't mention it to some people. I still go by my old name with some. Doesn't bother me since it was a gender neutral name in the first place. I also have work pseudonyms anyway so it's nothing new to me to go by different names. Some family members found out because they wanted to send me something and realized I was going under this new name officially, but they can call me whatever they like.

Reason of doing it is that I prefer stealth, and stealth doesn't apply to people who already know me so it doesn't matter with them. But for everyone else I wanted to drop off the grid.

I did it for me. I didn't go asking everyone to "now call me this". If they are attentive people they'd figure it out and realize, if not, they wouldn't. Some did come to me and ask if I had changed my name and what I'd like to be referred to. Generally though it's for official use and for use with new people/strangers. I've had no expectations so there have been no challenges.   

Thanks, everyone, for weighing in. I guess before I can start thinking about the legal (great points about having it done officially), I'm still working my way through all the philosophical threads of what it would mean for me, current relationships, etc.

It's a big deal. But in the same way I can't really stand ruffles on my shirts anymore, I want something neutral and ambiguous.

I changed my name at work and my ID which is important for GCS when I came out. I expressed that Monday of the next week. I came out on Friday the 13th . I started the name change process because I was not going to be my old name in the hospital when I had GCS. I had FFS with my new legal too.

I followed the requirements for the court in Bucks County, USA for name change.

I also work in a state that is at will employment. My company has a specific trans policy and nick name policy. When I change my name legally my sex was changed on my records at work. When I had GCS I sent them a copy of my paperwork for my EE file just in case as a backup.

Since I am from the Netherlands, but live in the USA, I have a few more things to do. As a Dutch citizen with a American green card, I will have to start in the Netherlands first, otherwise I have miss-matching ID's. So first I changed my name and gender with all main documents completed in the Netherlands which you can only do if you are transitioning, otherwise no one can change their name or gender.

It's not like in the USA where you just go to court and ask for a name change.

This requires a letter from a Dutch gender therapist, which I was lucky to do with Skype, instead of visiting in his office. Then of course I had to get legal documents to give a family friend a power of attorney to go to city hall and correct my birth certificate. This required a apostle from the US state department, since a US power of attorney is not valid outside the USA.

After the Netherlands is completed, I started with my American ID's, which still required me to go trough US court, since the USA didn't accepted my Dutch birth certificate. (except for US immigrations and DMV, they accepted my Dutch birth certificate, but others didn't. Social security would have accepted this if they would have done their homework, but they would have to contact the SSN office in Ireland, which overseas the process in Europe with European legal documents.  A Dutch birth certificate deletes your old name and gender permanently)

I was already using my name at work, but like a nickname. I did started the progress to change my name and gender early on in my transitioning, with everyone involved. It took a while as I will show in the below timeline.

You have completed your name and gender change when you start receiving female related junk mail in your new name.

I have tried to line up the table, but it doesn't work that well, it lines up real nice in my preview, but not after it is posted, my excuse. Hope this timeline will give you an idea of what's involved.

Here is my progress/timeline in legal name/gender change:

The date's show the time I received my new ID or completed the change, not the day I started the process.

Doc's needed for Dutch birth certificate:               
   deskundige verklaring                11/19/2015    $110.00 (Dutch gender therapist letter)
   power of attorney                11/25/2015    $0   
   apostille                                    12/14/2015    $15.00
               
ID's/personal records:               
   NL birth certificate                1/11/2016            $40.00
   VA drivers license                1/29/2016            $20.00
   NL passport                        2/17/2016            $140.00
   US green card                         3/27/2016            $450.00
   SSN card                                7/13/2016            $0   
   CSX employee records              2/29/2016            $0 
   CSX employee ID badge             3/18/2016            $0   
   Military dependent ID/DEERS          5/24/2016            $0-   
   Henrico Country court order          5/6/2016            $43.50
   Tricare (medical insurance)             5/24/2016            $0   
   Aetna UHC (CSX on the job ins.)          10/3/2016            $0   
   Military pharmacy records             9/13/2016            $0 
   Bon Secours hospitals                7/20/2017            $0 
   RRB                                        ?                    $0   
   IRS                                        2/14/2016            $0
   VA tax                                4/6/2016            $0   
   GRS certifacte                        10/20/2017    $0   
               
Bills:               
   Comcast                                 2/5/2016            $0   
   Nationwide                                 2/24/2016            $0   
   VA power                                 11/18/2016    $0   
   Richmond city gas                 11/2/2016            $0   
   Henrico water                          9/13/2016            $0   
   Henrico business license         9/13/2016            $0   
   VA sales tax (business)         4/6/2016            $0   
   PPA                                         ?                    $0 
   StudioPlus                                 ?                    $0   
               
Misc.:               
   DMV car title, Ford Ranger         1/29/2016            $0   
   DMV car title, Chrysler Pacifica           1/29/2016            $0   
   DMV car title, mini Cooper         1/29/2016            $0   
   US Mail                                 1/29/2016            $0   
   Wells Fargo                         5/18/2016            $0   
   Bank of America                         5/26/2016            $0   
   Ft Eustis Federal Credit Union                     $0   
   Capitol One                         7/1/2016            $0   
   ING                                         5/6/2016            $0   
   PayPal                                 6/29/2016            $0   
   Dela life insurance                 5/6/2016            $0   
   NYIP certificate                         ?                    $0   
   SNF pasfoto certificate         ?                    $0   
               
total cost:                                                        $ 818.50