So after coming out as trans 4 years ago, I started my gender therapy early February. I'm pretty happy/lucky that it's happening really, and hopefully I'll be starting HRT in the coming months. But as he's been talking to me, he's told me some things that sorta contradict what I've found out by doing research on the trans community in general. I can't tell if I'm just being stuck up and close-minded, but it just has made me worried a little bit. I thought Id post here really quickly and get a second opinion. Here's some of the stuff we've talked about.

-HRT for MtFs doesn't really noticeably change my face or my facial structure. The best way to get a more feminine look is to go through Facial Feminization Surgery.

-Vocal feminization surgery isn't as crucial as I think, and I can achieve a 100% feminine voice with nothing but voice training.

-There's an informed consent clinic near me that I can go to in order to start HRT, and I could do it now if I wanted to, but he instead wants me to switch my primary care doctor to this one nearby that also works with HRT and transgender people. According to him, even though it'll take me several weeks to get an appointment with her, that that option is better, because that doctor will be better able to take into consideration my transition when thinking of my health, and it'll also give my parents time to prepare themselves mentally.

-I'm currently living at my mom's house, who is extremely transphobic. My therapist is telling me that in order for me to be able to leave, my only option really is to either get a full-time job, or to work a second part-time job. I don't know if that's possible right now, though.


He says a lot of stuff I agree with, too, just that some of the stuff he says can make me wonder sometimes. I'd love it if anyone could tell me if I'm just overthinking things or not, or if I'm in the right for questioning things.

Quote from: Blucatt on April 02, 2018, 05:03:43 PM
-HRT for MtFs doesn't really noticeably change my face or my facial structure. The best way to get a more feminine look is to go through Facial Feminization Surgery.

If you are post puberty then no, HRT will not make any significant changes to the bones structure of your face. You will get changes in skin and fat deposition, but the bones will remain as they are.. Whether you want or need FFS is really up to you..

Quote-Vocal feminization surgery isn't as crucial as I think, and I can achieve a 100% feminine voice with nothing but voice training.

This is actually quite true - especially when you consider that surgery only raises the pitch. All the other things that go in to making a female voice still have to be learnt..

Quote-There's an informed consent clinic near me that I can go to in order to start HRT, and I could do it now if I wanted to, but he instead wants me to switch my primary care doctor to this one nearby that also works with HRT and transgender people. According to him, even though it'll take me several weeks to get an appointment with her, that that option is better, because that doctor will be better able to take into consideration my transition when thinking of my health, and it'll also give my parents time to prepare themselves mentally.

I generally find that having my HRT monitored by my primary care doc to be a benefit - they are far less likely to prescribe things for other medical issues that may compete or cause issues with HRT..

Quote-I'm currently living at my mom's house, who is extremely transphobic. My therapist is telling me that in order for me to be able to leave, my only option really is to either get a full-time job, or to work a second part-time job. I don't know if that's possible right now, though.

Only you know the right choice here..

QuoteHe says a lot of stuff I agree with, too, just that some of the stuff he says can make me wonder sometimes. I'd love it if anyone could tell me if I'm just overthinking things or not, or if I'm in the right for questioning things.

Question him by all means, but understand that a therapists view of things is not going to be the same as the trans community group think. And that the group think isn't always right, in fact, it's often wrong.

Your therapist has some valid points. Though not an absolute, most of those are true. But you may have seen the expression here: YMMV (Your Milage May Vary). Meaning most of the time the results are a little different for each person. Age seems to be the biggest influence, followed by genetics. And medical transition is rather expensive if your medical insurance doesn't cover transgender health care. I've spent nearly $2500 in a year and I'm just getting started. This year I'll be adding laser hair removal and an orchiectomy (another $6000 on top of the $2000 for hormones). Unless you just have to have surgery because of the dysphoria, wait and see what hormones will do. Don't rush to the knife. I'm trying the voice/speech therapy route myself. I start this week!

Hi Bluecatt,

Medical transition is a biggest decision you have to make in your life moving forward, and that why your Therapist told you about what will happen when you're begin Hormones Replacement Therapy. Just take it slowly to decide about this because when you begin Hormones Replacement Therapy you can't change your mind when hormones begin to change your body and mind. So take your therapist advise and becareful. Good luck with your future endeavors.

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I haven't had any surgery and I am happy with my results. I have friends that are very passable and have not had surgery. So that is not true.

Voice surgery is not needed for most of us. The truth is that barring damage from an illness or injury almost all of use can have a feminine voice.

There is a comfort in having a medical professional monitoring my health with all of the medications and changes.

That last bit does not sound like anything a gender therapist has any business giving advice about.

Having a degree is not all knowing and yet some will act like it. Therapists are human and suffer from all of the human faults. Some of the things that psychologists and psychiatrists have done to me in my life have been criminal. Some of the things they have said were almost as bad. Not all are like that obviously but....

Thinking that a politician only has their constituents best interests on their agenda...
Thinking that every doctor cares about our well being...
Thinking that a lawyer actually cares about winning our case because they are trying to help us...

I am sure that somewhere there is a politician that cares.
Of course there are doctors that are doing what they do to help people.
There might be a lawyer... lol, kidding.

You get my point though. It is your life and your agenda, and they don't know everything. Don't dismiss what they say simply because you don't agree but don't take everything they say as absolute truth either.

Quote from: Blucatt on April 02, 2018, 05:03:43 PM
-HRT for MtFs doesn't really noticeably change my face or my facial structure. The best way to get a more feminine look is to go through Facial Feminization Surgery.

True that it won't change your facial sructure.  But it can still make significant changes to the soft tissues of your face.  Whether those changes are significant enough to satisfy you, only you can judge.

Quote
-Vocal feminization surgery isn't as crucial as I think, and I can achieve a 100% feminine voice with nothing but voice training.

As noted above, surgery only changes the base pitch of your voice.  You have some control over pitch without surgery.  And training will allow you to develop more feminine intonation.  Laverne Cox has a deep voice, but manages to speak with a feminine intonation.

Quote
-I'm currently living at my mom's house, who is extremely transphobic. My therapist is telling me that in order for me to be able to leave, my only option really is to either get a full-time job, or to work a second part-time job. I don't know if that's possible right now, though.

If you are living in a hostile environment, you will need to move for your own well-being.  That means having enough income to support yourself.

Its Better to have your primary doctor prescribe all your meds if possible. ( Including HRT). Especially if you have any health problems. It may save you problems later. 


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Quote from: Laurel D on April 02, 2018, 11:24:37 PM
Its Better to have your primary doctor prescribe all your meds if possible. ( Including HRT). Especially if you have any health problems. It may save you problems later. 

Always use the same pharmacy.  Part of a pharmacist's job is to watch for conflicts.  I also get a card, when I get a prescription filled, that lists all the medication I'm on.  I keep it in my wallet, so that I have the info when needed.