I want to start off with a quick backstory about me.

24 years old, known I was different (transgender) since i was about 5. 12 years old and severe depression hit. 20 years old and depression finally went away, 21 years old starting experimenting with clothes and such. 24 years old I started hormones.

Me and my mom have always fought on and off about just about anything, we just butt heads a lot! My family is OK with my transition but I think would prefer I didn't go through with it.

Me and my mom recently got into a fight about some other topic unrelated to me, and she ends up saying "maybe if you were a women you would understand what I feel and maybe have a heart, men do not have a lot of heart or feelings". I got mad at just that and said "I am a women!" She continues with "well not a real women". When she said that I was speachless. Normally things she says do not get to me as I do not let a lot get to me, but this one is tearing me down. I have not been the same since she said that... I feel fake... my depression has came back, after being over it for almost 4 years, I need some help on how to get over it!

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Big hug! I reached a certain point in my life where I realized that I love my mother but I don't like her. It finally came down to not wanting her negativity in my life.

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this! Don't lose sight of the path you're on and being true to yourself.

Even when parents say things we know aren't true, they can cut right to the bone. It's the worst. Do you live at home?

Quote"maybe if you were a women you would understand what I feel and maybe have a heart, men do not have a lot of heart or feelings"

This sounds to me like your mom is projecting some internal frustrations she is having with men at you.

If anyone says you are "not a real XYZ," I would politely call them out and ask them to respect my identity. I know that's easier said than done--sometimes it's impossible to react how you want on the spot--but I have to speak up for my boundaries for the sake of my own sanity. Sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you. For me, sometimes that can even mean taking a few days off to collect my thoughts and calm down, and then saying to the person, "Hey, you know, when you said ABC, it made me feel..."

Those were some harsh, unwarranted, and really low blows. I'm sorry she said that to you, and above all things, understand that negativity is her own.

My dad had a certain horrible line he used to throw during arguments that would destroy me. When I finally talked to him about it (it was really difficult, I cried and cried) and explained how it made me feel, he told me he said that out of frustration because he felt like he had no other way to get through to me or make me listen to him. He hasn't done it since. Sometimes people communicate poorly, and it can happen on both sides of the equation.

Hugs 

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 03, 2018, 08:49:45 PM
Big hug! I reached a certain point in my life where I realized that I love my mother but I don't like her. It finally came down to not wanting her negativity in my life.

Hugs, Devlyn

Same as Dev.....cept' for that "love" part.   

My mom was good with my transition. Now on to what was said. Your mom may have been pushing your buttons to get you upset or and I'm not taking her side she has a point about emotions. Let me explain from my experience. I grew up completely without emotions due to childhood abuse. I was married originally 29 years and could not cry when she past away. I got remarried two years later and my new wife noticed I had no understanding of the emotional side of men and women. She tried and tried to explain and make me see what I couldn't see, she tried to explain how her thought process worked. So along comes my changes and meds and estrogen and I start crying profusely over sometimes the weirdest things. I had a moment where my mind opened and I finally understood what she had been talking about and now I can laugh as well which I couldn't do before either. Women are intuitive and feel and sense things we don't. Maybe your head butting is her knowing you were different and not knowing at the same time. Her observation about you not being a real woman is her trying to say your brain hasn't flipped on the female thinking and feeling switch. Have you sat down with her and had an open and absolutely honest talk to her about everything. This talk has to be approached with absolutely no baggage and only be open to listening as well as talking. Just a thought

I'm sorry to hear this... people who love us do often end up saying stupid things because they honestly are clueless as to what we go through.

We are all different and from my perspective I'd have to wholeheartedly disagree with Donna, not because I think she is wrong, I'm sure she experienced it like she said but because I lived what I thought was 40+ years as a man with highly developed emotions and a keen sense of other people's well-being or lack there off.

More so than my SO by a long shot. Sure you can argue that I've been a woman all along but I didn't know and my parents certainly didn't raise me as such.

But my SO (cis female, I consider myself lesbian) came out of our therapy once, saying that 99% of all woman wouldn't want to date somebody like me (meaning a MTF transgender). She was frustrated and to this day still doesn't know how to deal with it as I'm also learning every day.

You mom needs to learn. Help her learn and explain how you feel to her but starting this is important to you and let her know that once you are done talking she can reply. Then you will know where she stands.

As somebody else mentioned, she realized she loved her mom but didn't like her. That is very possible for you to have happen but at least you give her a chance. She might just be frustrated.

But please, don't stray the course, you are valid, your feelings are valid and we are all here supporting each other.

Hugs


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Thank you all so much for the replies! I go see my therapist tomorrow as I feel I really need to see her now, even though I just seen her! I currently live with my parents, and things like this are nothing shy of new around here. I do not get offended by much, I am usually very easy going and can brush pretty much everything off, but when my own mother says just about the most offensive thing I feel you can say about being transgender, it is a lot harder to brush off. 4 years free of 8 years of depression and 1 little line sends me right back into it. I have no ambition to do anything anymore... My breasts are just starting to come in and I have been super excited to see those, now I feel like what is the point... I was doing laser to get rid of my facial hair, and have been slacking on that, I usually care about how I dress and look, even for work (where I get super dirty), but could care less about what others think or how I look right now, I just do not care to do any of it because I feel like I am a fake women now, just a wannabe one... Even though I feel fake though I still do not feel like a guy... I think if I should just abandon the whole thing and just not transition (which i know my family would be thrilled to hear), but when I think of that I do not think I could ever go back to that life, even though I do not feel like a women right now, I still do not feel like a guy... I am in a serious rut right now... I have an alright job but with bills I am unable to live alone right now, and ever since I moved back home (I lived on my own for 2 years), I have been just trying to catch up on bills slowly and then get through my transition. After this happened I have decided I am ready to move out as my family is not the kind of people I need around right now. I have talked to work to see if I can get some heavy overtime for just a couple months, enough to pay off my car loan, then I should be in the clear to have enough money to move out, it will be a couple months though... Thank you all again for the support, I have been really needing just some positive vibes right now.

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By all means talk with your therapist. Just don't give up on yourself yet. This is an emotion time right now and you are being hit with it internally and externally.
Best wishes and keep
Talking with us as well

     I'm gonna tell you it's time to toughen up. Cuz' no matter how it goes, it's tough.....and it'll get even tougher. You aren't fake unless you say you are. Now if you give up this easily, it may not be that important to you. If on the other hand, you are who you think you are, you'll get thick skinned real fast. It's a cruel world, regardless of who you are. I suggest you own it now or you're going to be stuck as a miserable man for the rest of your life. Not that men are miserable, but you will be. So suck it up buttercup, just like the rest of us have done, every single day.
     You know, you are who you say you are. If others don't believe it, leave them behind.  Or,...... live your life for others and allow them to define your existence. The choice is yours. There is no easy way to be free.