I am a 30 something straight male, and I just started seeing a trans female a week or two ago.  We had met and started flirting on a dating app and right away she told me she was transgender.  I am a very open minded person and I would never judge and since I was attracted to her pictures I figured whats the harm in seeing where this goes.  We had some awesome dates over a few days and then she agreed to come back to my place and spend the night.  I had no idea how I was going to feel or what was going to happen, but it all felt normal, nothing felt different or anything.  I think thats where I am confusing myself because, I am a very sexual person, I am very straight person, I have been with a lot of females and consider myself pretty confident when it comes to the bedroom... In no way I am saying what I think I did was wrong... I guess what I am saying is that it all felt a lot more normal than I thought it would, if that makes any sense.  I did things I didnt ever think I was going to do, mainly because I wanted to return some of the pleasure if you catch my drift. 

I like talking about things, and I didnt know where to start so I made this post. 

If anyone can tell me what I should be doing or saying to her... this is all new for me.

Thanks!

I forgot to add:  I am developing feelings for her... I like her a lot

Quote from: insertnamehere on March 26, 2018, 09:08:38 AM
I am a 30 something straight male, and I just started seeing a trans female a week or two ago.  We had met and started flirting on a dating app and right away she told me she was transgender.  I am a very open minded person and I would never judge and since I was attracted to her pictures I figured whats the harm in seeing where this goes.  We had some awesome dates over a few days and then she agreed to come back to my place and spend the night.  I had no idea how I was going to feel or what was going to happen, but it all felt normal, nothing felt different or anything.  I think thats where I am confusing myself because, I am a very sexual person, I am very straight person, I have been with a lot of females and consider myself pretty confident when it comes to the bedroom... In no way I am saying what I think I did was wrong... I guess what I am saying is that it all felt a lot more normal than I thought it would, if that makes any sense.  I did things I didnt ever think I was going to do, mainly because I wanted to return some of the pleasure if you catch my drift. 

I like talking about things, and I didnt know where to start so I made this post. 

If anyone can tell me what I should be doing or saying to her... this is all new for me.

Thanks!

Hi, I'm Laurie. The best thing I can suggest is to talk with her. Be open with your thoughts and questions. She will tell you what she wants and how she feels. In any telationship, good communication is key. Discuss how you feel and she will do the same. Btw it is normal it was just something you had not experienced. Life is an adventure..go explore.

Hugs,
   Laurie

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Before I accepted that I'm trans, I also considered myself a straight male, and when I saw a penis I would turn away as if I had just witnessed a gory crime scene. Almost one year into HRT, though, I view it as part of a whole person and what I think about it depends mostly on my relationship with that person.

Much of this is HRT turning my sexuality more inter-relational, but of course that can't be all of it, as a lesbian would be less open to penises than I've become. So, my theory is that there has always been a latent or suppressed part of me that has been more open to penises than I've realized.

This is one of my theories about what's going on with you (except from a cis male perspective). My other theory is that I know that some straight guys can re-frame a pre-op mtf's penis as a female penis or large clitoris. So, either you like her despite her penis, are neutral towards her penis, or like her because of her penis. All of which are cool. Just keep soul searching, until you figure it out, so both you and your partner know what to expect.

As far as what you should be doing with the woman you're seeing now, it seems like you're already doing great. Just make sure she's fine with you contacting with her genitals, as that can be very distressing for some trans women.

I just want to make sure things are clear for my simple mind, but was she pre-op or post op?

laurie - I agree, communication is great and I like to communicate.  I just decided to post here to make sure I communicating in the right way.  I dont want to say or do something that would be considered out of line i guess

automn08 - So the theory of having a latent feeling towards penis' I guess is somewhat true... Ive had quite a few MMF threesomes but I just never did anything to the other guy and no guy did anything to me... because he was a guy.  I think this feels different because she is a girl... her skin is soft, her legs are gorgeous, she has breasts and everything about her feels like a girl... being good in the bedroom is about how you receive and how you give back pleasures and feelings and orgasms... in fact I think it made it a little easier because i dont think Ive missed a day masturbating since I was 12 lol... so I know how to pleasure her, if you get my drift.  I just didnt think it would be this easy, I didnt think Id be this open, and its not in any way I feel gay or bisexual in any sense of the word.  It actually just all feels good.  I find myself thinking about some of the sex we had and it turns me on big time.

breeze - pre op - i asked her if she would do surgery, she said shed be doing it this week if she had the money.

She also is 10 years my junior.  Im 33, shes 23.  I have a super successful career, I make really good money, Ive just never settled down and had kids or anything.  So, it feels good to be out with a young girl who shares a lot of my same interests because I feel so young at heart anyway. 

Hi insertnamehere,

First of all, it's great that things are working out between you 2, I would be really happy to meet a good guy. Just wanted to point out 2 things:

1. You said you were not sure about how to treat her or what to say to her. Well treat her like you would any other woman . Be a gentleman, and be honest. If you have questions about her transition or there are things you want to know, just ask her. We know most people aren't very informed about this so we usually like to answer these questions as long as they come from a good place.

2. It doesn't make you less of man or less straight if you are attracted to her, or if you pleasure her, even down there. Because you would never get that far with a man, your attraction for her developed because of her feminine appearance, not because of what she has between her legs. Basically she's a woman, you're a man, you're in a straight relationship. Period.

There have been a number of times where upon meeting someone I found them somewhat physically unattractive, and then after getting to know the person, I became very attracted to them because I liked them as a person so much. I think this is a similar situation. You generally aren't attracted to penises or the humans that are attached to them, but this particular penis is attached to someone you otherwise find attractive and enjoy spending time in her company. Sometimes you find that what you once considered a deal breaker isn't necessarily a deal breaker after all. Nothing wrong with that.

Hi, InsertNameHere!

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Quote from: Charlie Nicki on March 26, 2018, 11:14:38 AM
Hi insertnamehere,

First of all, it's great that things are working out between you 2, I would be really happy to meet a good guy. Just wanted to point out 2 things:

1. You said you were not sure about how to treat her or what to say to her. Well treat her like you would any other woman . Be a gentleman, and be honest. If you have questions about her transition or there are things you want to know, just ask her. We know most people aren't very informed about this so we usually like to answer these questions as long as they come from a good place.

2. It doesn't make you less of man or less straight if you are attracted to her, or if you pleasure her, even down there. Because you would never get that far with a man, your attraction for her developed because of her feminine appearance, not because of what she has between her legs. Basically she's a woman, you're a man, you're in a straight relationship. Period.

I think I may have phrased my question wrong... Its not that I dont know how to treat her, I am a gentleman and I think I have treated her super well the times weve been out.  I think the answer I was looking for was what you had said, I can ask her questions I have as long as its coming from a good place.  You are right, men, including myself are very uninformed as to what this all means, how this all works, and everything that goes with it.  It just never crossed my mind that Id ever be in a sexual relationship with a transgender female before, I had never considered it.  So after the attraction grew even more I just didnt know how I was going to feel.  I think it also validates what I was I asking when you said, shes a woman, youre a man and you are in a straight relationship. 

I think what I just wanted to say again is that this whole experience has felt pretty damn good... coming from a straight man who has never thought about doing things that I did recently with her, it just all felt fine and normal. 

So I told her how I felt about it, that it felt awesome and normal and that I enjoyed every bit of everything and she thanked me for sharing.  I would have to imagine that if you are a trans female with a guy who has never been with one before, that its got to feel good having validation that they enjoyed everything, right?

Quote from: insertnamehere on March 26, 2018, 12:43:14 PM
I think I may have phrased my question wrong... Its not that I dont know how to treat her, I am a gentleman and I think I have treated her super well the times weve been out.  I think the answer I was looking for was what you had said, I can ask her questions I have as long as its coming from a good place.  You are right, men, including myself are very uninformed as to what this all means, how this all works, and everything that goes with it.  It just never crossed my mind that Id ever be in a sexual relationship with a transgender female before, I had never considered it.  So after the attraction grew even more I just didnt know how I was going to feel.  I think it also validates what I was I asking when you said, shes a woman, youre a man and you are in a straight relationship. 

I think what I just wanted to say again is that this whole experience has felt pretty damn good... coming from a straight man who has never thought about doing things that I did recently with her, it just all felt fine and normal. 

So I told her how I felt about it, that it felt awesome and normal and that I enjoyed every bit of everything and she thanked me for sharing.  I would have to imagine that if you are a trans female with a guy who has never been with one before, that its got to feel good having validation that they enjoyed everything, right?

Yes it does!

Yes. 🙂

I have had guys that wanted to take care of me there, it is not for me though. Obviously there is nothing wrong with making her happy 😆 usually that is a good thing.

This is so normal, yet men are always surprised. Yes, it is validating. 🙂 No more so than with anyone their first time though.

I just wanted to update and share my experience with my relationship and how it has evolved and became something I am really enjoying . I'm sharing all this because like I mentioned earlier in this thread, dating a trans female was new to me as a 33 year old straight guy. So in the beginning I felt like she was being standoffish a little with her affections... she wasn't really kissing me, or holding my hand or anything really.  I mean, we were going all the way in the bedroom but none of touching, or affectionate stuff or anything that I actually enjoy, yes, men like to snuggle too... was going on. So now 4 weeks into this, she has completely opened up, I don't think last night for more than an hour she wasn't holding my hand or cuddled up next to me it feels nice.  I'm glad that I was able to bring down the walls she was putting up in the beginning saying how she wasn't affectionate or she didn't like to get close to anyone. I feel like she made have said all this to protect her from me hurting her in some way.  But showing her how I really genuinely enjoyed her company, her look, her feel, the sex, the foreplay everything.  She really has opened up.  I know it's got to be hard to do that in her position, I know there must have been awful times where she was hurt. But I couldn't imagine seeing her hurt and I'd break someone's legs if they ever hurt her.

I just wanted to share my feelings and experience with this new relationship and just state how amazing it is to be with someone so special, and watch how they've opened to me over the course of the last 4-5 weeks because I believe I made it completely comfortable to do so. 

If anyone has anything else to recommend that I do, let me know

We have to be pretty careful about who we open up to is all, dangerous world. I'm late to the party it seems, but it really doesn't surprise me that everything felt normal, having been on hormones a while myself things are very different "down there" (and everywhere else), it's just a birth defect.

The only good advice is to just treat her like any other girl.

Its funny, after I wrote that post, talking about how she has opened up to me, I was at work and she opted to stay at my place while I went to the office, (half day for me so I was out by noon) and I got back, we took a nap then had sme dinner and then she left abruptly... we talked about it and it yet again, she feels like she needs to have her guard up and has a hard time seeing that i am being genuine.  She says that guys, Im assumming like me have hurt her in the past. uhhh i have got to imagine that it is really hard her with whats happened in her past (stuff from high school and the few others stories she has told me about)  but what else can I dexcept keepliving tge promises Ive told her and be patient?

Thanks

You sound really nice.  I think the only thing is that is different in a m/mtf relationship  is to be very open and letting her feel the same way.  Communication is key, but it also has to be the appropriate amount as well.  Most str8 folks think we are super highly sexed and if anything, I would suspect most of our libidos are actually pretty low.     

When I was dating (been partnered for many years now) some guys would try to perform oral on me, because they thought they were only being good lovers if they "returned the favor."  Personally I NEVER liked that  and would notice if the guy was way into it.  (Some men, who are really gay see us as a "I'm not gay because it's a girl! Experiment).  In the long run, I finally got to the place where I wouldn't let anyone do that to me.    I'd rather be penetrated anyway-feels waaay better. 

Point is-like with any other woman don't make assumptions.  Especially on our anatomy.  One,other way of thinkjng about it is that she is just your girlfriend.  Period. 

I think patience and consistence are key to get her to completely trust you. I absolutely know where she's coming from, some guys are huge a-holes! But once she trusts you completely the relationship will evolve into something great. Keep us updated!

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Maria- I understand what you are saying about men, like me, would think that trans female girls are highly sexed, but I almost want to think that she does all this stuff to make sure that I'm happy and interested, which of course I love all the sex and everything else, but I think she's doing it sometimes because she thinks that's all I want.  And as far as what we do specifically in the bedroom, I've followed her lead on what she wants and wants me to do to her. I think though now I can start taking the lead because of the time we've now had to get to know each other and I know what she likes now. But this all goes back to the original statement that I was making is that she obviously has a tainted version of how things are to be. That she needs to be over sexual to keep me interested.

Charlie- The other day we spent about 24 hours in my bed (I also have the most amazing bed and just got $1000 worth of down comforters, duvets, down pillows uhh it's heaven) and she was cuddled up sleeping curled up on me holding my hand and that was the highlight of the 24 hours, sleeping like a baby with her... I have crazy anxiety and have to take Big sleeping pills to sleep... I told her that I didn't have to take any of scripts while she was over for those couple of nights because I felt good.  And like you said, I keep my feelings out there so she knows, and I guess I know I just have to be patient.   I mean, I really like her and I would have to imagine she likes me too... opening up to me a little more every time  and showing me a lot affection now, like cuddling up and holding my hand... little things.  But I'll keep you updated:)