So I had a long conversation over the phone with a former co worker that I considered a friend. I like talking to her , but being that she hasn't seen me in a few years. I had to explain to her what changed before she sees it on my Facebook page.

Suddenly all of the stress I felt when I came out the first time, came flooding back. It wasn't the first time and I am sure it won't be the last.

I wish I could come out in one foul swoop and be done with it.. OR only meet people from here on out who never knew me before.


How do you guys and gals deal with this.

It is a problem to be sure.  I think of it as picking and choosing battles. For instance, I just don't go to college band reunions because all attention (good and bad) would be on me.  So that is a sacrifice I make in order to live as my true self.   My family and closet friends know, b ut inevitably in life we lose some folks along the way.  Being trans nothing is easy.   

Good question Laurel, I have a similar issue this weekend, I'm meeting up with some old friends that I haven't seen for about 3 years to commemorate the passing of a mutual friend.

They have no idea about my transitioning, not that I have hidden it, we just don't meet up that often and don't live in the same area. I am feeling a little apprehensive, I think my friends will be accepting but I am preparing myself if I get a bad reaction, if it comes I'll deal with it with dignity.

I know what you mean when you say about the initial stress coming back, for me it's the fear of the unknown reaction, and bringing up those feelings of coming out again. I am coping by knowing I have come a long way already, and that has given me a lot of strength. I'm a much happier, settled person now. If they can't cope with the news then they will miss out on a better me, their loss (also mine because I will be disappointed).

You have come a long way Laurel, you are a strong woman, show them you are confident and happy, if they are a good friend they will be happy for you.

Good luck [emoji4]

I understand about the fear coming back.  I am a member of a facebook group that includes many of my colleagues from my air force days.  I debated whether or not to come out to them, and was worried about rejection.  But finally, I decided that the fun or sharing my experiences and reconnecting with my old friends was worth more than the risk of someone having a problem with me.

I came out very subtly, not mentioning the T-word at all.  Posting as Kathy, I just shared some of my stories from way back when, including reminding one fellow of a mission we were on together, at a time when he knew the unit was all-male.  He and some others have responded in ways that indicate that they have figured it out and are cool with who I am now.

I hope your coming out goes as smoothly.

There should be no shame or embarrassment about being who you are, but I know it is difficult to reach that point. There are still some people at my work who may not know, and I plan to visit them as soon as I can. I would rather everyone know now than to have to rip the bandage off again months or years from now, although there will always be a few people from my past who did not get the memo. As time goes by and you become more comfortable with finally being your true self, I think it gets easier to talk about your past. If conversation turns to something painful, saying 'I would rather not talk about that' should be sufficient.

I just tell them very bluntly, no sugar coating it or beating around the bush. "Btw I'm transgender, so I've changed my gender" or something like that and keep talking about the next subject. They're usually like "ok sure" and move on as well. If you don't make it a big deal, chances are they won't either.

I'm never scared to come out, mostly annoyed at having to explain myself over and over again.

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