Quote from: SadieBlake on April 12, 2018, 12:47:19 AM
Karen, first I want to say that not being allowed to dress / present for sex the way I want to would be intolerable. If that's what you needed to be aroused enough for both of you on have the pleasure of intercourse then asking you to do otherwise is honestly cruel in addition to effectively sandbagging mutual pleasure. I'm no saying she intends that ... it's clear she doesn't understand.

Viagra is unlikely to help, it's effect depends on the presence of arousal and if that's absent, it will only give you the side effects.

I remember all to well, right around the time I told my GF I needed to transition one time in bed when I was just feeling awful, knowing she was not wanting me to transition. I was on the verge of tears and while I was still keeping it up I had to fake orgasm to end it before I was going to lose my erection and have to explain why 😥. I promised myself right then I would not put myself in that position again.

I was in a nominally more open situation than the OP, I'd started presenting femme for sex shortly before I met my GF and in 17 years had never presented otherwise so really, she ought to think transition was on the table.

Also for the decade prior I shifted to basically never reaching orgasm during penetration and eventually often not wanting orgasm at all, only to press myself closer than close, to feel intimacy. It's not that I ever didn't like my libido, I just have a very different feeling about it now.

And all this progressed before  I started HRT. My body and mind had been forcing them issue. Of course I'm now a year post op and her actually made me more jprny, just l3ss obsessive about it. I fear I may be at the Rubicon again, in fact right around the Ides of March I really began to feel my ambivalence in sex with someone who continues to gender me as male. We've made it a long time and I'm not giving up on it yet, yet I'm finding I want to be with someone who can give me pleasure he same way I do her.

I do hope we get there and I also need to allow for the possibility that we both may be better off in different primary relationships.

Thank you SadieBlake

This is exactly how it has been, the last 2 times....in 3 months.    I so wanted to be my female self and while, aroused a bit, I did not like my erection, how I looked and or bring on top.  I loved being closed and wanted to help her orgasm....but I could not keep aroused for her.   It led to sadness, tears, etc.   I wanted so bad to be me, and she said she was not ready, and may never be.   I felt so rejected and wanted to run away.   

We have talked it through and it has really helped understand and respect her, and her for me.  At this point we cuddle a lot and I really don't feel like sex.   It's hard not going to bed as a woman, but closeness is good.   

I struggle with the idea of the next 50 years being this way.

Thanks again to all of you for being so open.   

Karen, I wish my wife and yours could speak. I feel so blessed that my wife hates intercourse, and she is quickly accepting that my lack of erections doesn't mean anything bad about her. I'm still eager to please her in all the ways that she really likes. For her, she said it's kind of like the honeymoon she never had. Our introduction to penetrative sex was pretty rough and now we're kind of starting new and she's actually enjoying it.

Now, there is one major difference between her and your wife. When I came out to her, she turned the tables on me a bit and confessed to me that she has always felt attracted to women and had been hiding it her whole life. So, I am guessing that plays at least some part in her ease in accepting my true sexuality.

If your wife doesn't particularly enjoy intercourse or erections, then I think there is hope. I would recommend not wearing anything feminine during sex. Seeing you as you currently are is going to help her. Let transition take its course and don't rush her into it. My wife is NOT comfortable yet with me dressing feminine, and it's something I have to accept. Transitioning or just increasing level of femininity is something both of you have to experience together and it can be hard to make compromises for the sake of your wife. But keep in mind that she is making many adjustments for your sake.

Do you have a therapist that you are seeing? If not, I would recommend seeking one that specializes in gender identity issues.

Quote from: Karen on April 09, 2018, 06:12:19 AM
Hi everyone... 

Had a really rough day yesterday.   My wife and I tried to get intimate on the week end, and I was not able to perform for her....second time in a row.   She was great asking what she could do to help me, and all I could think was "I am a woman".  I finally told her I need to feel accepted and present to her as "me".   She told me she is not ready, and does not think she will / may not ever be ready.   I was crushed, and still feel so a lone. 

She deserves to be happy, and I don't want to ruin her or other peoples lives.   

Any shared experiences or advice would be appreciated.

I'm in the same situation as you are! My make love to my wife is me touching, sucking and licking her to Ecstasy! She doesn't want to touch my breasts! I just cant and really don't want to use my thing anymore! It's never been something I enjoy!
I'm going to do my best to keep her but I'm the future if I have surgery that will end our relationship! Darn I'm 62 and I want to enjoy at least a little of this darn hell we call life!
I'm hoping I'm a month to start hormones and get of herbs!
Herbs have done wonders for my breasts but I'm tired of being my own lab rat! Lol
Good luck sweetie, I wish you the best life had to offer! (Shelley)


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Quote from: BlueJaye on April 12, 2018, 05:48:50 AM
Karen, I wish my wife and yours could speak. I feel so blessed that my wife hates intercourse, and she is quickly accepting that my lack of erections doesn't mean anything bad about her. I'm still eager to please her in all the ways that she really likes. For her, she said it's kind of like the honeymoon she never had. Our introduction to penetrative sex was pretty rough and now we're kind of starting new and she's actually enjoying it.

Now, there is one major difference between her and your wife. When I came out to her, she turned the tables on me a bit and confessed to me that she has always felt attracted to women and had been hiding it her whole life. So, I am guessing that plays at least some part in her ease in accepting my true sexuality.

If your wife doesn't particularly enjoy intercourse or erections, then I think there is hope. I would recommend not wearing anything feminine during sex. Seeing you as you currently are is going to help her. Let transition take its course and don't rush her into it. My wife is NOT comfortable yet with me dressing feminine, and it's something I have to accept. Transitioning or just increasing level of femininity is something both of you have to experience together and it can be hard to make compromises for the sake of your wife. But keep in mind that she is making many adjustments for your sake.

Do you have a therapist that you are seeing? If not, I would recommend seeking one that specializes in gender identity issues.

Thank you.   

The reality is she is attracted to me as a man.  And I respect her desires and our history.  I don't want to force her.   We each have therapists and are now looking for a couples therapist.   It will take time, and I have come to learn that the low times pass.   We will find a way...

Thank you all.

Quote from: gv2002 on April 12, 2018, 09:49:43 AM


I'm in the same situation as you are! My make love to my wife is me touching, sucking and licking her to Ecstasy! She doesn't want to touch my breasts! I just cant and really don't want to use my thing anymore! It's never been something I enjoy!
I'm going to do my best to keep her but I'm the future if I have surgery that will end our relationship! Darn I'm 62 and I want to enjoy at least a little of this darn hell we call life!
I'm hoping I'm a month to start hormones and get of herbs!
Herbs have done wonders for my breasts but I'm tired of being my own lab rat! Lol
Good luck sweetie, I wish you the best life had to offer! (Shelley)


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You look feminine. Have you always even before using herbs?

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It's helped me a lot!


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Quote from: gv2002 on April 12, 2018, 09:49:43 AM


I'm in the same situation as you are! My make love to my wife is me touching, sucking and licking her to Ecstasy! She doesn't want to touch my breasts! I just cant and really don't want to use my thing anymore! It's never been something I enjoy!
I'm going to do my best to keep her but I'm the future if I have surgery that will end our relationship! Darn I'm 62 and I want to enjoy at least a little of this darn hell we call life!
I'm hoping I'm a month to start hormones and get of herbs!
Herbs have done wonders for my breasts but I'm tired of being my own lab rat! Lol
Good luck sweetie, I wish you the best life had to offer! (Shelley)

Thank you for your kind wishes.  You do look feminine!   You look great.   Your herbs are working!

Karen
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