I don't want to transition at this time for many reasons, including a fear of losing my relationships and worsening my already bad depression, especially since I won't pass and I know deep down that I want to be a complete woman, not a man that looks like a woman. I am happy to say, however, that I made a little progress toward self-acceptance. My wife was away and I was able to wear panties and pantyhose all day without getting depressed and feeling like a freak, at least most of the day. Just kept on saying that it is okay that I am woman in a man's body and accept whatever affect it has on my marriage. It will take time for me ~

That's great, Karen!

My wife, unfortunately, can't tolerate seeing me in women's clothing. Not even something like panties that can be hidden under male clothing:(. But, we recently agreed to try a low dose HRT treatment, and the effects have been really much better than either of us had hoped for. My emotions and anxiety from gender dysphoria have reduced quite a bit. For the first time in my life I feel like I might be able to live this way without doing a lot more.

If you haven't discussed HRT with a therapist, it might be worth your time. It has made a very positive change for me. It might also help you cope with not being able to fully transition.

Thank you both for sharing.   My wife is in the same place as BlueJaye.   

Karen, I had a lot of stress - shame and fear - when I started to realize I was transgender and told my wife.  I was also fearful and shameful of wanting to wear panties, stockings...nighties to bed when she is not there.   I am more than good now and am accepting of who I am.   These little things act like an acceptance and acknowledgment of me, and part of me that I have denied for ever. 

It sure is nice and it helps as I navigate this path and find what's right for me. 

Karen.