I'm sorry if I have forgotten about this website, since I felt like that transgender related issues didn't concern me enough until recently to bring them up over here.

I'm not sure whether I want to be female or not. I would like to be female, because I envy how they have breasts, vaginas and an hourglass figure, and how society sees them as attractive (this allows them to suit a greater variety of clothes that would be deemed unattractive or offensive by a lot of people if guys were to wear the same things as what girls can). I would also like to be female, since I don't really like guys that much in terms of their personality and their appearance. I feel guilty being male because I feel like that by looking like them and seeming like them (in personality), I would excuse the bad stuff from them that I hate.

Before I moved to the UK though, I didn't have so much of a problem with men, although I didn't really feel like I wanted the bodies of grown men in the future; part of it was because I was more homophobic in the past and I didn't want to be attracted to guys (still don't now in some cases, but I'm more accepting of gay men). It could be also being me genuinely unattracted to potentially having a hairy fat body in the future.

I've found out that I envy only attractive women, but then again, trans women can envy attractive women even if they pass by themselves, after asking people on ->-bleeped-<- and elsewhere.

I'm not sure if the reason(s) for why I would like to be female would qualify me for being trans. I believe that trans people would hate the sex they were born as, but I think they'd only hate themselves for it as opposed to hating other people the same sex as they were born as. Then again, I'm told that my feelings towards men might be me projecting that I'm trans and that I'm perhaps in denial.

There are big reasons as to why I'm currently being adamant against transitioning. Firstly, I fear upsetting my family, relatives and my community; they probably won't like it, and I'm especially concerned by the reactions of members of my extended family, who have been very nice to me during my childhood and whenever they come to visit us. Another reason is because I want to make gender non-conformity more prominent, as I have hoped for since the turn of this decade (if not, earlier).

I would like your input since I haven't been able to get a hold of a therapist yet; the last time that I have had an appointment with one, I was discharged on the second call, saying that I was getting the support I needed from an LGBT organisation (who are not medically qualified to help me with gender issues). I have considered consulting a therapist to get HRT first, but I feel like that even that would raise too many questions I won't like from my parents in terms of my physical appearance, also considering the fact that it's getting hotter where I live and it would be uncomfortable for me to wear lots of clothes to try and hide my body.

Attack this from a different angle. Lets say you are going to live the rest of your life on an island and never see another human again. You have a choice of the clothing you will take and any surgeries you might desire before you leave for the island. Would you take male, female or both types of clothing? Would you choose HRT, Surgery or nothing? The goal of the transition is to find a role in life where you will be comfortable with yourself. Others come and go in your life and at some point, you will be separate from most of your family and current friends.

We have far to many people on this site who put off transitioning until they were much older. Now they look back and think what if I only had addressed this when I was much younger. Try to make sure when your much older you don't have any regrets.

Quote from: Dena on April 14, 2018, 11:59:38 AM
Attack this from a different angle. Lets say you are going to live the rest of your life on an island and never see another human again. You have a choice of the clothing you will take and any surgeries you might desire before you leave for the island. Would you take male, female or both types of clothing? Would you choose HRT, Surgery or nothing? The goal of the transition is to find a role in life where you will be comfortable with yourself. Others come and go in your life and at some point, you will be separate from most of your family and current friends.

We have far to many people on this site who put off transitioning until they were much older. Now they look back and think what if I only had addressed this when I was much younger. Try to make sure when your much older you don't have any regrets.

I will still have memories of other humans though, unless I become deranged or whatever. I could choose to have both types of clothing with me. I might choose HRT and surgery so I could feel attractive, although I'd have no one to show off my "assets" to or whatever. I might not be used to some other bodily changes such as a loss of upper body strength, and I won't know how I'll feel about that. This is probably why I'm intent on discussing this with a therapist.

I've put off transitioning earlier because I'll still have memories of what I hate about myself before I was even clear on what "transgender" is - these might be gender related or otherwise, like how I hate myself for being lazy, fat and not talented in anything. I've merely pushed those thoughts aside, so I'm not sure if transitioning is either the right answer or the only answer.

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I know how you feel because I have been in a similar mindset. Now I wish I had addressed this a lot sooner. I am seeing a therapist and she asked me a good question. Aside from the what ifs or other people's thoughts, what do you really want? I knew that deep down I wanna live as a woman when confronted with that question.