I couldn't find a self-test kit at the drugstore.  This is something I see mentioned frequently and I think it's something I need to examine.

How do you know? What does it mean? What can you do?

In my case it means I spent too many years fighting myself and denying that I was transgender despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

I buried my feminine self so deep inside that I suffered massive panic attacks for the last ten years before I started transition, as my feminine self was fighting to get out and fighting for her/my life.  I finally ran up the white flag, stopped fighting myself and started transition.

Hmm 'trans'... what does that mean anyways?  To have transitioned from one stage in life to another?  Any rite of passage then could be said to be 'trans'.  Denying or altering yourself from one gender to another?  Ok maybe that's more specific, but even then some folks don't alter anything and still lay claim to that title. 

Its a squirrely slippery topic for sure   Personally I don't see myself as 'trans' anything.  What I had was a disorder.. a syndrome if you will, that got fixed (and is still getting fixed really.. I doubt it'll ever be completely 'fixed'). 

Don't let terms define you is what I say.  What am I? I'm me!  There is none like me on earth lol.  For better or worse. (Probably for better).  As far as phobia goes, don't fear yourself... whether thats trans or not.

Quote from: blackcat on April 14, 2018, 05:53:18 PM
I couldn't find a self-test kit at the drugstore.  This is something I see mentioned frequently and I think it's something I need to examine.

How do you know? What does it mean? What can you do?

Quote from: blackcat on April 14, 2018, 05:53:18 PM
I couldn't find a self-test kit at the drugstore.  This is something I see mentioned frequently and I think it's something I need to examine.

How do you know? What does it mean? What can you do?

Being transgender..."but not like those other transgender people" is one example.

Knowing you're authentic but feeling surrounded by fake transgender people would be another.

Fortunately, these boundaries are, as you described, internal and can be overcome with objective thought and counseling as required.

Hugs, Devlyn

QuoteBeing transgender..."but not like those other transgender people" is one example.

I can ONLY HOPE to be as cool as everyone here. Maybe if I hang out for long enough... *fans ambient awesomeness toward self*

Quote from: blackcat on April 14, 2018, 10:13:44 PM
I can ONLY HOPE to be as cool as everyone here. Maybe if I hang out for long enough... *fans ambient awesomeness toward self*

You are as cool as everybody else here. You just haven't figured it out for yourself yet.

Do you hate yourself for being trans?

Does a cold chill run up your back when "The guys" make negative comments about this ->-bleeped-<- or that ->-bleeped-<-? AND, then feel you have to add your own; because if you don't you are a secret sympathizer at best, at worse.... one of THOSE?

Do you see all the hate and anger being directed at trans people, the "It's still OK to make ->-bleeped-<- jokes", the general social acceptance of being fearful, wary, or otherwise careful about THOSE deviants particularly, or especially, the MTF variety and say to yourself, "Self, you got to be out of your mind to even THINK of any sort of transition"?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, even if only for 1 milli-Second or less.....

Easy.

Do you hate being trans for no justifiable reason?

Then that's "it". If it's because it makes you "different", if you're parroting others who hate it, or if you just can't stand the idea without really examining it.

It's not the same if you have a more justified reasoning such as experiencing actual persecution because of it, or because of severe dysphoria and associated depression, suicidal thoughts etc., or because you're having difficulty transitioning for one reason or another.

Hating/fearing something for no realistic reason is what phobias are.

That said, being trans has all kinds of costs, pitfalls and unpleasant sides... it's not like there's a great deal to love about being trans either.

Hmm, thanks for the replies. Good to think about.

I definitely don't have an issue with other trans people. I did with myself, but upon deeper examination, it was more of an aversion to dealing with all the emotions I bottled up inside for so long (read: my whole life), and the pain of confrontation I was desperately trying to avoid... Also because deep down I knew what I wanted, and if I could admit that to myself, it would mean admitting I don't want any of the things I built up around me "as my life." I would have to admit that all times I told myself that I was "okay" with XYZ in the past was a lie, and I was actually sad/hurt/hopeless/confused/etc. about being stuck with the wrong body.

I suppose there's some value in understanding that I had to tell myself these things because, in the past, I would have had no access or support to transition.

All of this would have been way too painful for me to say out loud a couple of weeks ago. Now I feel relieved.