Hello everyone,

I am not really new to the forum, but I haven't posted much in the last few months and actually considered leaving the site. I did not, and will likely become more involved, for reasons I will address below. With that said, I would like to introduce myself to members who have recently joined this site and may not know me from my previous posts.

I am a post-op transsexual, and I have been living full-time as a female, legally and socially, for over a year. In other words, I have transitioned.

It's very interesting that if you look up that word in Google, for you will find two definitions.

Here is the first one:

"To undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition."  That's pretty much expected.  What surprised me was that there is now a second definition in common usage:

"To adopt permanently the outward or physical characteristics of the gender one identifies with, as opposed to those associated with one's birth sex."

Damn.  When you have made it into a dictionary, that's saying something! 

Here is another interesting bit of data.  I'm sorry it's a bit hard to read, but it's a plot of occurrences in printed media since 1950 that Google has scanned for the term "transitioning" .



The point is interest in the term has grown exponentially in the last 30 years, and I don't believe it's directly related to "undergoing or causing to undergo a process or period of transition". It's about transitioning.  It's about us. It's about those of you who are questioning their gender identity and the growing awareness we are not without choices when it comes to doing something about it. It's most likely why you are on your computer now, reading these words.

I would like to help you, if I can.  I am older (60), and have children (two boys, ages 12 and 15), a failed marriage, a career, and assorted friends and family who have reacted with varying degrees of incredulity and acceptance to my transition. I have also gone through gender therapy, coming out to my personal physician, finding an endocrinologist for HRT, a surgeon for FFS, another one for SRS, struggled with RLE and transitioning while working, and jumped through hoops for a name change, new IDs, credit cards and bank accounts, and if that weren't enough, elected to go through breast augmentation and hair transplantation <whew!>.

So you will see me more on this site, but please feel free to PM me if you are not comfortable posting your innermost feelings and fears with thousands of strangers around the globe.

Soon, though, I think you will find this to be a safe and welcoming site where (most of us) don't bite and it's okay to be you.

I look forward to meeting you all!

With kindness,

Terri

Maybebaby56  .....WELCOME BACK
It's late so I won't respond to the issues and comments you stated in your posting below until the morning.
Again many thanks for re-introducing yourself.
Danielle

Hi Maybe 

Welcome back to Susan's Place    Good to see you again

Hugs

V M

Hey hun, welcome back and congratulations on travelling what sounds like a long and eventful road successfully.

I'm sure your support and experience will be welcome here, and we're here for you too. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

snipped:

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on April 14, 2018, 10:22:49 PM
Hello everyone,

I am not really new to the forum, but I haven't posted much in the last few months and actually considered leaving the site. I did not, and will likely become more involved, for reasons I will address below. With that said, I would like to introduce myself to members who have recently joined this site and may not know me from my previous posts.
   

I am glad that you did not leave the site... we always need more members here to share their transition story.

Quote
I am a post-op transsexual, and I have been living full-time as a female, legally and socially, for over a year. In other words, I have transitioned.
   

I also am full time.... HRT for 3+ years, Full Time for 19 months.

Quote

- - - - - - --   

I would like to help you, if I can.  I am older (60), and have children (two boys, ages 12 and 15), a failed marriage, a career, and assorted friends and family who have reacted with varying degrees of incredulity and acceptance to my transition. I have also gone through gender therapy, coming out to my personal physician, finding an endocrinologist for HRT, a surgeon for FFS, another one for SRS, struggled with RLE and transitioning while working, and jumped through hoops for a name change, new IDs, credit cards and bank accounts, and if that weren't enough, elected to go through breast augmentation and hair transplantation <whew!>.

   

YES, please share with others about your experiences and your personal journey as living full-time female and all that was involved for you.

Quote

So you will see me more on this site, but please feel free to PM me if you are not comfortable posting your innermost feelings and fears with thousands of strangers around the globe.

Soon, though, I think you will find this to be a safe and welcoming site where (most of us) don't bite and it's okay to be you.
   

YES indeed, the is a safe and welcoming site ... and we don't bite!!!!

Quote
I look forward to meeting you all!

With kindness,

Terri

Dear Terri:( aka: Maybebaby56)   Thank you for posting and thank you for not leaving Susan's Place.  We need those transitioners with experience that can offer suggestions and ideas to many of the newbies that become members every day here.
I look forward to your future postings and replies on the various threads here on the Forums here.
I took the liberty of posting the informative and important LINKS below that will give you the rules and procedures here... you have probably already received this in the past but I am posting it again for your convenience.
Thanks again for re-introducing yourself.

Best Wishes and I will be seeing you around the site.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

Thanks for coming back.   

Being of similar age, would love to learn more about your journey with your children and career.  How early in your journey and how did you tell them, and what were the highs and lows?   Any lessons learned. 

Karen

Quote from: Karen on April 15, 2018, 09:16:54 AM
Thanks for coming back.   

Being of similar age, would love to learn more about your journey with your children and career.  How early in your journey and how did you tell them, and what were the highs and lows?   Any lessons learned. 

Karen

Hi Karen,

The short answer is I got outed by accident while I was early in my transition, only presenting as female part time. I wasn't ready to own it, but I had no choice.

My youngest son, who is really the only member of the family to fully accept me (my therapist predicted he would likely be the most accepting), was playing Minecraft on my computer, which somehow put my female name and picture from my Google account online in the game- while his older brother was playing as well. My younger son didn't even notice this. My wife knew about me, but lack of communication was a major reason for the failure of our marriage, and it has been a constant theme ever since.

I had no idea this all had happened until several weeks later when I got a rather nasty text from my wife, "You need to talk to J___ about your transition."  I was shocked and felt blindsided.  My wife said things like "I have taken him to a therapist and talked to him about it."  This, from a woman who thinks being transgender is a lifestyle choice. Oh boy.  Not only that, she outed me to my stepson (who was about 21 at the time).  It did not go well.  So now I have been outed to my older son and step-son, and I was not even involved.  On top of that, she didn't want me to tell my younger son.  It was such as mess.

A couple of months later, we had a family sit-down, as I was going to have FFS and my wife and I agreed it was best to get things out in the open. My step-son did not attend.  He wanted nothing to do with me, and suggested I move far away, since "I was an embarrassment to the family".  My older son said, "Whatever, just don't do it around me." (I presume he meant present as a female.) My younger son was kind of silent.

That was about two years ago.  My step-son still avoids me, even though he lives rent free in a house I pay the mortgage on.  My older son tolerates me, but clearly he is still somewhat uncomfortable around me, but it is getting better.  My youngest son loves me unconditionally.  My wife is passive-aggressive about everything.  She doesn't stop me from seeing my kids, but neither does she enable healing or closeness.

Many of my transgender friends, as well as my therapist, had basically the same advice for me: Initial reactions are not final reactions. Give them time. They did not choose for me to transition, I did. I have had my whole life time to come to terms with things, they have had only a couple of years.  Show them you love them, and that you are still the same person, albeit in a different wrapper. Have patience. With luck, you will all come together again down the road.

I hoped some of this helped.

With kindness,

Terri

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on April 15, 2018, 11:00:13 AM
Hi Karen,

The short answer is I got outed by accident while I was early in my transition, only presenting as female part time. I wasn't ready to own it, but I had no choice.

My youngest son, who is really the only member of the family to fully accept me (my therapist predicted he would likely be the most accepting), was playing Minecraft on my computer, which somehow put my female name and picture from my Google account online in the game- while his older brother was playing as well. My younger son didn't even notice this. My wife knew about me, but lack of communication was a major reason for the failure of our marriage, and it has been a constant theme ever since.

I had no idea this all had happened until several weeks later when I got a rather nasty text from my wife, "You need to talk to J___ about your transition."  I was shocked and felt blindsided.  My wife said things like "I have taken him to a therapist and talked to him about it."  This, from a woman who thinks being transgender is a lifestyle choice. Oh boy.  Not only that, she outed me to my stepson (who was about 21 at the time).  It did not go well.  So now I have been outed to my older son and step-son, and I was not even involved.  On top of that, she didn't want me to tell my younger son.  It was such as mess.

A couple of months later, we had a family sit-down, as I was going to have FFS and my wife and I agreed it was best to get things out in the open. My step-son did not attend.  He wanted nothing to do with me, and suggested I move far away, since "I was an embarrassment to the family".  My older son said, "Whatever, just don't do it around me." (I presume he meant present as a female.) My younger son was kind of silent.

That was about two years ago.  My step-son still avoids me, even though he lives rent free in a house I pay the mortgage on.  My older son tolerates me, but clearly he is still somewhat uncomfortable around me, but it is getting better.  My youngest son loves me unconditionally.  My wife is passive-aggressive about everything.  She doesn't stop me from seeing my kids, but neither does she enable healing or closeness.

Many of my transgender friends, as well as my therapist, had basically the same advice for me: Initial reactions are not final reactions. Give them time. They did not choose for me to transition, I did. I have had my whole life time to come to terms with things, they have had only a couple of years.  Show them you love them, and that you are still the same person, albeit in a different wrapper. Have patience. With luck, you will all come together again down the road.

I hoped some of this helped.

With kindness,

Terri

Thank you so much for your opennnes.   What a beginning, and balanced perspective.   

I am still a bit early in my transition and am still not sure how far I will transition.  My instincts are to tell my kids, partly to explain my moods and distance...it is not about them.  And partly because I don't want them to be shocked by someone else, because I think they can help my wife and because I need there love and support.  Risky, I think, but not sure I like the waiting option either. 

How did it all play out for your work and career?    I am quite senior at my work, and my company is quite inclusive.   Many say, don't tell them until you are actually ready to fully transition...so they can deal with absolutes vs what ifs.   I hold a significant position of trust in the company.   My gut is telling me to let them know early so they know what's going on and have time to prepare. 

I value all and any advice and shared experiences.

Karen

Quote from: Karen on April 15, 2018, 11:28:57 AM
Thank you so much for your opennnes.   What a beginning, and balanced perspective.   

I am still a bit early in my transition and am still not sure how far I will transition.  My instincts are to tell my kids, partly to explain my moods and distance...it is not about them.  And partly because I don't want them to be shocked by someone else, because I think they can help my wife and because I need there love and support.  Risky, I think, but not sure I like the waiting option either. 

How did it all play out for your work and career?    I am quite senior at my work, and my company is quite inclusive.   Many say, don't tell them until you are actually ready to fully transition...so they can deal with absolutes vs what ifs.   I hold a significant position of trust in the company.   My gut is telling me to let them know early so they know what's going on and have time to prepare. 

I value all and any advice and shared experiences.

Karen

Not sure how far you will transition?  My goodness, sweetie, have you seen your avatar?  You don't look remotely like a guy, lol.

In any event, your concerns are spot-on.  Once you make the "big announcement", you won't be able to put the toothpaste back in the tube.  You will be transgender, or at least gender fluid, to everyone, always and forever.  The key is what does your wife think about all this?  Does she know? If not, you must make that your first step. She is going to make or break your marriage, and affect your relationship with your children.

All this has to happen before you come out at work. It is good that you are in a senior position.  Unless your company is actively looking for ways to get rid of expensive employees, your seniority represents invested value to the company and they will want to retain you.  However, the same conditions apply to coming out at work: once you make the announcement, it would be extremely awkward for everyone should you change your mind.  Business environments are best served by clear intentions, processes, and expected outcomes. I work for the Department of Defense. A conservative place, for sure, but it is the land of Rules and Regulations, and by God they follow them.  That worked in my favor.

As with my family, my coming out at work was by accident.  I just had FFS, so I clearly looked different, and I had just filed official notice of a name change, so management knew something was up. Getting your name and gender legally changed is a tightly choreographed series of interlocking steps with county, state and federal agencies, so I was technically still legally male when I got a court order to change my name.  FFS surgery gave me the required legal documentation to change my gender (in Virginia), but that is at the state level and I am digressing.

Anyway, I was on the phone with with my FFS surgeon, and my officemate overhead my call. She was apparently bothered by it, and instead of coming to me, she went straight to management.  The next day I had a manager in my face telling me "Don't make any more calls of a personal or medical nature in the office. Either find an empty office or go out to the parking lot."

I didn't even know what he was talking about at first, but then it dawned on me.  I was very embarrassed and apologized profusely.  Later, though, I started thinking, "Hey, nobody else has to go into the parking lot to make personal calls.  This isn't about personal or medical calls, this is about me." I went to the EEO officer and told her what had happened.  We agreed it did not rise to the level of a formal complaint, but it would be best if I got out in front of it.  We drafted a memo, which was approved by my Department Head, and that was released the next Friday.  The next Monday, I showed up as Terri. 

I had been so terrified of losing my job, but the Department was very supportive and not one person gave me a hard time.  It went far, far better than I could have imagined.

The take home lesson is that most people just want to know what the right thing to do is.  They want a minimum of ambiguity and to know what is expected of them.  HR wants this, and your co-workers want this.  In my Department's memo, they announced that I had transitioned in my personal life and would now be transitioning in my professional life. They said I was still a valuable member of the Department, and that I should be addressed as "she".  They said I would be using the female restrooms, and that if anybody had any questions or problems, they were to talk to the Head of the Department.  They were awesome. As were my coworkers.

Hope my little story helps!

With kindness,

Terri

Thanks Terri.  It sure does help.

Yes, my wife knows and has been very supportive so far, but does not want to see me as a woman.  Yet...maybe never.   

Our next step is couples therapy and considering telling the kids and a couple more friends. 

I appreciate your advice on the work front.  There are changes in my weight, face, clothes, and manners that I know they notice....and probably chalk up to mid life crisis at this point.  I have always been more sensitive, feminine and unique...in a good way they value...so far.

Thank you. 

Karen

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on April 14, 2018, 10:22:49 PM
Hello everyone,

I am not really new to the forum, but I haven't posted much in the last few months and actually considered leaving the site. I did not, and will likely become more involved, for reasons I will address below. With that said, I would like to introduce myself to members who have recently joined this site and may not know me from my previous posts.

I am a post-op transsexual, and I have been living full-time as a female, legally and socially, for over a year. In other words, I have transitioned.

It's very interesting that if you look up that word in Google, for you will find two definitions.

Here is the first one:

"To undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition."  That's pretty much expected.  What surprised me was that there is now a second definition in common usage:

"To adopt permanently the outward or physical characteristics of the gender one identifies with, as opposed to those associated with one's birth sex."

Damn.  When you have made it into a dictionary, that's saying something! 

Here is another interesting bit of data.  I'm sorry it's a bit hard to read, but it's a plot of occurrences in printed media since 1950 that Google has scanned for the term "transitioning" .



The point is interest in the term has grown exponentially in the last 30 years, and I don't believe it's directly related to "undergoing or causing to undergo a process or period of transition". It's about transitioning.  It's about us. It's about those of you who are questioning their gender identity and the growing awareness we are not without choices when it comes to doing something about it. It's most likely why you are on your computer now, reading these words.

I would like to help you, if I can.  I am older (60), and have children (two boys, ages 12 and 15), a failed marriage, a career, and assorted friends and family who have reacted with varying degrees of incredulity and acceptance to my transition. I have also gone through gender therapy, coming out to my personal physician, finding an endocrinologist for HRT, a surgeon for FFS, another one for SRS, struggled with RLE and transitioning while working, and jumped through hoops for a name change, new IDs, credit cards and bank accounts, and if that weren't enough, elected to go through breast augmentation and hair transplantation <whew!>.

So you will see me more on this site, but please feel free to PM me if you are not comfortable posting your innermost feelings and fears with thousands of strangers around the globe.

Soon, though, I think you will find this to be a safe and welcoming site where (most of us) don't bite and it's okay to be you.

I look forward to meeting you all!

With kindness,

Terri

Hi Terri,
I read your post here and I am almost in the same situation as you. I'm 54 and I'm on my 5th marriage now. I told my current wife recently I was transgender and I wanted to transition but she really kind of freaked out about it. She had no problem with me wearing women's clothes and lingerie, but for some reason seems to have a problem with me transitioning. I also have 3 grown children with 2 of my previous wives. I have a little brother that is gay. But as bad as I want to transition I have this fear that is stopping me from starting HRT.  My family and children are part of my fear. I'm sure my mom and little brother would be ok with it but I'm afraid my older brother and sister plus my twin brother will disown me. I'm not worried about friends because after all they're just friends and I will find new friends. I posted earlier about my fears and one of them is my age. I'm afraid I will not be passable without facial surgery. I'm a disabled veteran on a fixed income so I don't think I would be able to afford a surgery and that has me thinking I'll be just a man that dresses as a woman. You are very pretty and it would be my dream to be as pretty as you are. If you don't mind me asking, how was your process from start to finish? What hurdles did you have to overcome? Any advice you could give me I would greatly appreciate. I just want to be the woman I dream about. Thank you so much Terri

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk

Terri,
  So glad you are ready to be back. I missed you. I'll call you and we can get together on a weekend. Somewhere with better food.
Moni

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on April 15, 2018, 12:21:43 PM
Not sure how far you will transition?  My goodness, sweetie, have you seen your avatar?  You don't look remotely like a guy, lol.

This might be the nicest thing I've ever heard.   Thanks

Karen

I relate with a lot of what you shared even though my experiences are different. I still think we all go through similar experiences, lessons and emotions in this process. I'm happy you're back and I think every member is valuable because we need to help and support each other.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Hi Terri,

   First I must apologize for not calling you and see about getting together while I was out in that area. I did ask about you while at Moinie's? Mawny's OH heck, That Woman in the blue bathing suit above.  I wondered how you were doing , knew you had been having a bit of a rough time, and wasn't sure how you would have received a visit from me. So I took the easy way out and did not call. I should have.
  I am so happy to see you back and wanting to be a presence once again on Susan's. I too have missed your pretty smiling face Hun. How are those cute pants fitting these days. I remember that being able to wear them with a proper look was important to you. I'll better you look even better than you did when I visited. I hope you are doing very well Terri.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Quote from: Lady Skylar on April 15, 2018, 06:52:51 PM
Hi Terri,
I read your post here and I am almost in the same situation as you. I'm 54 and I'm on my 5th marriage now. I told my current wife recently I was transgender and I wanted to transition but she really kind of freaked out about it. She had no problem with me wearing women's clothes and lingerie, but for some reason seems to have a problem with me transitioning. I also have 3 grown children with 2 of my previous wives. I have a little brother that is gay. But as bad as I want to transition I have this fear that is stopping me from starting HRT.  My family and children are part of my fear. I'm sure my mom and little brother would be ok with it but I'm afraid my older brother and sister plus my twin brother will disown me. I'm not worried about friends because after all they're just friends and I will find new friends. I posted earlier about my fears and one of them is my age. I'm afraid I will not be passable without facial surgery. I'm a disabled veteran on a fixed income so I don't think I would be able to afford a surgery and that has me thinking I'll be just a man that dresses as a woman. You are very pretty and it would be my dream to be as pretty as you are. If you don't mind me asking, how was your process from start to finish? What hurdles did you have to overcome? Any advice you could give me I would greatly appreciate. I just want to be the woman I dream about. Thank you so much Terri

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk

Hi Skylar,

It seems that you have made some major sacrifices in your life.  I guess that's not enough for your brothers and sister to want you to be happy.  While it's true that no one owes us acceptance, I have to wonder what it is your siblings value more than you. 

But perhaps this is not the case.  You said you fear that your siblings would disown you, but do you know this for a fact?  I felt this way about a friend of mine that I had known for over 40 years. Shortly after I transitioned publicly, I texted him a happy birthday greeting. We always did that because our birthdays were one day apart. When he never responded I assumed the worst.  He's pretty conservative politically, and I remember him once making disparaging comments about transsexuals, so I assumed that our friendship was over.  That was two years ago.  Recently, I found out on LinkedIn that he got a new job, so I messaged him.  A few days went and... nothing.  Well, that proved it, I thought.  Then came a long message. It turns out all my fears were unfounded.  He was glad I got in touch, and no, he didn't care I was transgender. I was so relieved! He had gotten divorced, and life just got in the way.

As far as my own family, my coming out was a train wreck, as I described in a previous post, but I haven't given up hope.  I was very afraid of being estranged from my children. Although my kids have had a tough time with my transition, in the end I think they will know for sure that their Dad will always love them (even though she is now a girl!).  My youngest son and I are now very close, and my older son is coming around.  My wife will never respect me or even bother to understand.  On the last account, I really don't care.

I don't mean to minimize your concerns.  Your fears are real, but you give them life. You make them real. I swore two years ago there was no way in the world I could transition. It was impossible.  Yet here I am. Now I must admit, other than overcoming fear, one of the biggest hurdles to transition is money.  It's expensive.  I have spent almost $60K over the last three years on medical bills. That's not doable for you, as you describe your situation, but you do have the VA, and you can do hormones. You can do gender therapy. Your response to hormones may be enough to slay the Transgender Beast.  Once the dysphoria is gone, you may find your little dress-up sessions quite enough. You will get to keep your wife and your family, too. 

I have lots of "fortune cookie wisdom", and one of them is "If you want to be loved, be someone worth loving". You need to ask yourself what you want in your remaining years.  Forgive my armchair psychology, but barring the death of your spouses, your serial marriages suggest to me you have married several women searching for something you could not find.  Perhaps that something is simply wanting someone to love you for who you are, instead of what you can provide for them. Perhaps you simply don't love yourself. I think you should give yourself an opportunity to be happy. Find out what that is, and put your efforts there.  Even small plans can feel rewarding because you are doing something for yourself.

Well, I think I've prattled on long enough.  This section of the forum is for introductions, so I should probably move along. Please feel free to PM me.

With kindness,

Terri

Quote from: Allison S on April 15, 2018, 07:53:08 PM
I relate with a lot of what you shared even though my experiences are different. I still think we all go through similar experiences, lessons and emotions in this process. I'm happy you're back and I think every member is valuable because we need to help and support each other.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Thank you, Allison. You are absolutely right!

With kindness,

Terri

Quote from: Laurie on April 15, 2018, 07:56:13 PM
Hi Terri,

   First I must apologize for not calling you and see about getting together while I was out in that area. I did ask about you while at Moinie's? Mawny's OH heck, That Woman in the blue bathing suit above.  I wondered how you were doing , knew you had been having a bit of a rough time, and wasn't sure how you would have received a visit from me. So I took the easy way out and did not call. I should have.
  I am so happy to see you back and wanting to be a presence once again on Susan's. I too have missed your pretty smiling face Hun. How are those cute pants fitting these days. I remember that being able to wear them with a proper look was important to you. I'll better you look even better than you did when I visited. I hope you are doing very well Terri.

Hugs,
  Laurie

What!  You were in my neck of the woods and didn't even let me know!  For shame, girlfriend!  My pants fit very well, thank you, unlike your britches, which you seem to be too big for!

I am sorry I missed you, and I do hope if you have any plans to be in Northern VA in the future, that you please let me know.  I know your aversion to "big cities", so if the DC metro area is too much for you, maybe we can meet at Moni's.  She lives in the middle of nowhere.

Thanks for welcoming me back, hon.  I have made a lot of friends on Susan's, and I am please to count you among them.

With kindness,

Terri

Quote from: HappyMoni on April 15, 2018, 07:09:05 PM
Terri,
  So glad you are ready to be back. I missed you. I'll call you and we can get together on a weekend. Somewhere with better food.
Moni

Hi Moni, my sweet little Guinea pig,

Look at you in the electric blue one-piece! I missed you, too, sweetie. I invited Lori over to your place, so I hope you don't mind.  In the mean time, please do give me a call.  Let's go out somewhere! Operators are standing by!

With love and kindness,

Terri

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on April 16, 2018, 05:13:39 PM
Hi Skylar,

It seems that you have made some major sacrifices in your life.  I guess that's not enough for your brothers and sister to want you to be happy.  While it's true that no one owes us acceptance, I have to wonder what it is your siblings value more than you. 

But perhaps this is not the case.  You said you fear that your siblings would disown you, but do you know this for a fact?  I felt this way about a friend of mine that I had known for over 40 years. Shortly after I transitioned publicly, I texted him a happy birthday greeting. We always did that because our birthdays were one day apart. When he never responded I assumed the worst.  He's pretty conservative politically, and I remember him once making disparaging comments about transsexuals, so I assumed that our friendship was over.  That was two years ago.  Recently, I found out on LinkedIn that he got a new job, so I messaged him.  A few days went and... nothing.  Well, that proved it, I thought.  Then came a long message. It turns out all my fears were unfounded.  He was glad I got in touch, and no, he didn't care I was transgender. I was so relieved! He had gotten divorced, and life just got in the way.

As far as my own family, my coming out was a train wreck, as I described in a previous post, but I haven't given up hope.  I was very afraid of being estranged from my children. Although my kids have had a tough time with my transition, in the end I think they will know for sure that their Dad will always love them (even though she is now a girl!).  My youngest son and I are now very close, and my older son is coming around.  My wife will never respect me or even bother to understand.  On the last account, I really don't care.

I don't mean to minimize your concerns.  Your fears are real, but you give them life. You make them real. I swore two years ago there was no way in the world I could transition. It was impossible.  Yet here I am. Now I must admit, other than overcoming fear, one of the biggest hurdles to transition is money.  It's expensive.  I have spent almost $60K over the last three years on medical bills. That's not doable for you, as you describe your situation, but you do have the VA, and you can do hormones. You can do gender therapy. Your response to hormones may be enough to slay the Transgender Beast.  Once the dysphoria is gone, you may find your little dress-up sessions quite enough. You will get to keep your wife and your family, too. 

I have lots of "fortune cookie wisdom", and one of them is "If you want to be loved, be someone worth loving". You need to ask yourself what you want in your remaining years.  Forgive my armchair psychology, but barring the death of your spouses, your serial marriages suggest to me you have married several women searching for something you could not find.  Perhaps that something is simply wanting someone to love you for who you are, instead of what you can provide for them. Perhaps you simply don't love yourself. I think you should give yourself an opportunity to be happy. Find out what that is, and put your efforts there.  Even small plans can feel rewarding because you are doing something for yourself.

Well, I think I've prattled on long enough.  This section of the forum is for introductions, so I should probably move along. Please feel free to PM me.

With kindness,

Terri

Thanks so much for you response and words of encouragement. You're right, I'm not sure what my siblings will actually do. We are all really close so it's possible they would accept me for who I am, I'm just afraid I'll disappoint them, especially my older brother who always for whatever reason looked up to me rather than vice versa. I'm sure my kids would probably be shocked but eventually ok with it. But you're right, I should not let the fear stop me from being who I really am. Thanks again for your response and insight. I have already seen one gender therapist and I am scheduled for orientation in May to continue my therapy and move forward with hrt therapy with the VA. Thanks again so much. I feel like you have helped me to feel more comfortable in my decision to move forward now. Have a great day Terri.

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