For those women who have had or plan to have a vaginoplasty but have not had a significant genital dysphoria, what has helped you make the decision to proceed? Most of the time I feel like I want to have the surgery but sometimes I feel really weird about the idea of my penis being gone and having a vagina instead. How are we supposed to know what it will feel like and if we will like (or at least not reject) how it feels? I am seeing a therapist and she is really helping but I thought I'd get feedback from other ladies on here. If we cannot possibly know, unless we have severe "get that thing off of me" type dysphoria, how do we know?

I know I really really want to know how it does feel. So much so that during lucid dreams I've tried to change my body but then I get up getting too aroused and wake up. :\ This still happens even after four years on HRT.

P.S. I am severely overweight at this time so nowhere near getting surgery but it is something I am thinking alot about.

Until I went full-time, I really didn't know if I wanted GRS or not.  My genital dysphoria was there, and I was kind of aware of it, but it was pretty minor compared to my social dysphoria.  So I addressed the elephant in the room, and took a wait and see attitude to the rest.

Now, after a year of living as my true self, I have a better perspective on what I want for my body.  And I realize that I have always wanted to look female downstairs.  Now that my face is feminizing and my boobs are growing, having that junk hanging there when I get out of the shower just feels wrong.  So now I know, and I am on the wait list so see a shrink for my second referral letter.

For me, taking my transition one step at a time allowed my to address each aspect of my dysphoria separately.

I'm also one who doesn't cry every time I look down there.

Not to say that I particularly like having the wrong hardware (every pun intended), but I've lived this long with it and can make it a few more months.  It's annoying, in the way, and no matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise it's still the wrong thing for me to have there.

I always felt robbed when I used it.  If you don't feel that way you might just be a non op kind of girl.  There's nothing wrong with that at all, in fact it saves you a lot of trouble.

I've gone through quite a few stages of feelings towards mine. It was the first thing that I remember knowing and bing able to describe was wrong with my body. Over the years I've shifted from indifference to discomfort and outright loathing. From a surgery perspective I have shuffled between a big fat yes to oh dear god what would I be getting into and to I really need to do that to fix the problem but surgery is scary.

I think my biggest desire is to slot in socially. From that point of view the downstairs is only an issue if it causes fashion disasters.

It's a very big decision to make and you certainly don't have to make it until you are ready. There is absolutely nothing wrong with either decision or waiting until you know.



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I do have plans to do so on the vaginoplasty. In fact I sent in my patient intake forms to a surgeon to get things going in the right direction. I have gone back and forth on it only because of well thinking on the pain and recovery. I then think on the end result, the precipice, the mountain top, and the pressure it removes from me. I can tell someone hey I am transgender but, I am fully transitioned. I have had dreams now and before of well being pregnant, being with a man, which I always blew off. I never felt like I liked men but, now I am very open to it.

I don't loathe my penis per say but, I don't like it always thought it annoying, gross, and why did I have to have it. I really didn't like it as a teen when you would get a few dozen erections a day. I always tried to smash it down to go away. Like mentioned earlier that it is major surgery so it's natural to go back and forth. You never want to jump the gun on this stuff. You have to find your reasons for wanting or not wanting it. Mine may or may not match yours. Imagine you want a new car but, it's going to be $35,000. You don't need it but, want it you would go back and forth with that as well. I don't think many say yes I am going to get that $35k car right now. My process in my head is weighing our the costs vs. the benefits vs. the risks. So find a process of searching your heart/soul whether you really want this. It is big. There are many transgender women that are fine with it and don't do anything because they know it is not the part that makes you woman. Good luck!!!!!

Never had genital dysphoria but every night since puberty I would dream of having a vagina before going to sleep. One day, the desire to have a vagina exceed the joy of my penis and so I had srs. Thats simplyfying it, I spoke to therapist for over 3 years before I was convinced. I am ever so lucky and happy to be a female tg and love my amazing 2 lives in a  lifetime.

When I started HRT was on the side of the fence, everything was going to stay intact. After 3 months on HRT I had moved to on the fence, at 4 months I was over the fence and had a consultation book for GCS. Well at 12 months 29 days on HRT and living full time I had GCS. I never really hated my parts, they just did not feel right. Sure at times I miss them, waiting in line for the women's room, out in the woods... just the convenience of not having to squat. I am super happy with the results and at 4 months post GCS dilatation is not so bad. What ever you choose to move forward with or not it will be the best choice for you.
- M 

In general... If you address the biggest problems first, you'll have a much clearer picture of what is bothering you once you are less distracted by the major dysphoric issues.  And noone says you have to have GRS as part of transition.  GRS has been a clear choice for me. However, other procedures put me on the fence and I was better able to make the decision once I took care of the 800 lb Gorilla.

My dysphoria would ebb and flow, but when it hit it was horrible.  That said, how does it feel now?  To me it feels completely natural and as if it was always there.  I think you will find your body and mind adapts quickly to the changes and life goes on.     

Hi LeahJo,

What I can tell you is you better really want that junk gone before you even consider having SRS.  I did, and for me I thought it was going to be the absolute pinnacle of transition.

It was not. It has been one of the least successful aspects of my transition, and I went to one of the top SRS surgeons in the US. I am eight months post-op. I have little depth, about 4 1/2 inches, very little in the way of labia, and penetration is still painful and sex is not possible.  I can't even masturbate to get off.  I haven't had an orgasm in over three years. 

Dilation is an inescapable daily chore, and it is not fun or pleasurable. I do like the fact I have nothing hanging between my legs, that I don't have to worry about a bulge down there when I wear a dress or even tight jeans,  and that no one can out me on the basis of my physiology. That much is very good, but other than that, it has been a huge disappointment.

Yes I know it's only been eight months, and things may very well improve, so let's just say be warned.  Even if things go very right, it is a major, invasive surgery and most people cannot imagine how grueling recovery can be, at least for someone my age.  It definitely helps if you get it done when you are younger.

I am not saying that any of this will happen to you, or that there aren't a ton of success stories out there, because there are.  However, a neovagina is not the same as the factory-installed equipment. It's a skin graft. There is a lot of maintenance involved, and some significant limitations. Just be realistic about what you are signing up for.

With kindness,

Terri

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on April 17, 2018, 06:23:43 PM
Hi LeahJo,

What I can tell you is you better really want that junk gone before you even consider having SRS.  I did, and for me I thought it was going to be the absolute pinnacle of transition.

It was not. It has been one of the least successful aspects of my transition, and I went to one of the top SRS surgeons in the US. I am eight months post-op. I have little depth, about 4 1/2 inches, very little in the way of labia, and penetration is still painful and sex is not possible.  I can't even masturbate to get off.  I haven't had an orgasm in over three years. 

Dilation is an inescapable daily chore, and it is not fun or pleasurable. I do like the fact I have nothing hanging between my legs, that I don't have to worry about a bulge down there when I wear a dress or even tight jeans,  and that no one can out me on the basis of my physiology. That much is very good, but other than that, it has been a huge disappointment.

Yes I know it's only been eight months, and things may very well improve, so let's just say be warned.  Even if things go very right, it is a major, invasive surgery and most people cannot imagine how grueling recovery can be, at least for someone my age.  It definitely helps if you get it done when you are younger.

I am not saying that any of this will happen to you, or that there aren't a ton of success stories out there, because there are.  However, a neovagina is not the same as the factory-installed equipment. It's a skin graft. There is a lot of maintenance involved, and some significant limitations. Just be realistic about what you are signing up for.

With kindness,

Terri

I'm sorry to hear that SRS has not, so far, been what you'd expected. I'm not too worried about depth at least currently (I am homosexual) and I plan on going to Thailand I think to get it done so I should be able to have plenty of skin for the new plumbing. I am at least 2 years from being ready because I have to save the money and drop about 200 lbs. It just doesn't make sense to start saving for it if I can know now that I don't want it. Right now, however, I'm pretty sure I do want it.

Quote from: LeahJoFoxtrot on April 17, 2018, 06:31:26 PM
I'm sorry to hear that SRS has not, so far, been what you'd expected. I'm not too worried about depth at least currently (I am homosexual) and I plan on going to Thailand I think to get it done so I should be able to have plenty of skin for the new plumbing. I am at least 2 years from being ready because I have to save the money and drop about 200 lbs. It just doesn't make sense to start saving for it if I can know now that I don't want it. Right now, however, I'm pretty sure I do want it.

Hi Sweetie,

My post was not intended to discourage you; I simply wanted to dispel the sometimes mythical importance that many trans girls attach to SRS. 

It's certainly true that you may not know what you want in two years, but if you can find the focus and discipline to drop 200 lbs, then I have no doubt you can handle the rigors of SRS.

One note: vaginal depth is not necessarily dependent on penis size. It has to do with the dimensions of the space between your rectum and bladder and where your peritoneal reflection occurs.  This was my problem. A childhood surgery left me with a significant amount of adhesions between my bladder and rectum, limiting the depth of my neovagina. It had nothing to do with available penile skin. Most surgeons use a penile-scrotal graft anyway.

~Terri

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on April 17, 2018, 06:53:04 PM
Hi Sweetie,

My post was not intended to discourage you; I simply wanted to dispel the sometimes mythical importance that many trans girls attach to SRS. 

It's certainly true that you may not know what you want in two years, but if you can find the focus and discipline to drop 200 lbs, then I have no doubt you can handle the rigors of SRS.

One note: vaginal depth is not necessarily dependent on penis size. It has to do with the dimensions of the space between your rectum and bladder and where your peritoneal reflection occurs.  This was my problem. A childhood surgery left me with a significant amount of adhesions between my bladder and rectum, limiting the depth of my neovagina. It had nothing to do with available penile skin. Most surgeons use a penile-scrotal graft anyway.

~Terri

Thank you for your information on this! I have worried about donor tissue because I was never well endowed even before HRT but that makes me feel better about it. Basically I feel like if I want to badly enough that I can get this weight off that has been on me for over 2 decades then I probably really want it Thanks again Terri!

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on April 17, 2018, 06:53:04 PM
One note: vaginal depth is not necessarily dependent on penis size. It has to do with the dimensions of the space between your rectum and bladder and where your peritoneal reflection occurs.

Suporn goes through the peritoneal reflection, hence the usual depth he gets. I don't think many surgeons do that though.

Quote from: AnonyMs on April 17, 2018, 07:06:49 PM
Suporn goes through the peritoneal reflection, hence the usual depth he gets. I don't think many surgeons do that though.

Suporn is where I am thinking of, assuming he is still doing it in 2-3 years or however long it takes to get skinny.

Suporn is retiring shortly, but he's training replacements.

I don´t really have a strong dysphoria for genitals, in fact the meaning of genitals is nearly non-existent for me, I don´t feel a thing when I look at the current hardware or touch it. Touching is just something compulsive or a habit from which I´m slowly learning away.

Still, even when I don´t have a dysphoria for genitals, I do plan to get SRS as soon as possible. I want to use dressing rooms in peace and not to worry about this body and somebody seeing. I want to go into swimming halls and to sauna. I want to wear tight jeans without worrying what is showing between the legs.

AND! I don´t want to use gaff for the rest of my life. It is not fun and sometimes it´s painful, if it slips into wrong position. THAT, does create dysphoria, that I have to shift my thoughts suddenly to between my legs and think that where I´m going to adjust the gaff...

That reminds me badly, how this body in general is, and that is dysphoria which then shifts to other parts of the body, where I feel the dysphoria most.

When I started hormones, I also was not sure whether I would actually go all the way and have SRS done. The reason, I was scared of the surgery.

But as time went on and I worked through things and I settled into my female life, I realized that I wanted it done.

I am very happy with my vagina and I am glad I had the courage to go for it. I never hated my penis.

Quote from: warlockmaker on April 17, 2018, 03:43:37 AM
Never had genital dysphoria but every night since puberty I would dream of having a vagina before going to sleep. One day, the desire to have a vagina exceed the joy of my penis and so I had srs. Thats simplyfying it, I spoke to therapist for over 3 years before I was convinced. I am ever so lucky and happy to be a female tg and love my amazing 2 lives in a  lifetime.

All of this! Thank you. Its a little embarassing actually. Me and my girlfriend were being intimate and I was addressing her boobs. At some point a switch flipped in my head from "man boobs are great" to "man I really wish i had boobs."

Three years of struggling with identity aside, its pretty funny to me it all came to down to my love of boobs XD

PS: funny it took you three years also and I too feel really lucky to have two lives . I actually discovered my identity accidentally through porn rather than dreams tho. The internet is a strange place.

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Quote from: Lady Love on April 29, 2018, 01:27:48 AM
"man I really wish i had boobs."

I wished the same thing as a teenager.. I remember after my first estrogen injection, i got so excited as this meant I would finally get boobs. Today I love my 36D breasts...