if you've read my other topics you know i written my parents a coming out the closet letter and my parents are okay with me wanting to be a girl but they don't seem convinced.

my dad even commented "i just need to get laid." but i'm not the type of girl who goes sleeping around (i'm the type who wants a commitment first) and as for my mother "when your at home your Mark not Marcia"

any advice

Well, you're going to be old enough to move out soon, so do that.  Amazing what a bit of distance can do.  Your dads right, but that's not just you, its everyone.  It will not change any of this, but you won't care about it for a bit.  Mom's going to be a harder sell.

Quote from: tekla on March 18, 2008, 01:01:31 PM
Well, you're going to be old enough to move out soon, so do that.  Amazing what a bit of distance can do.  Your dads right, but that's not just you, its everyone.  It will not change any of this, but you won't care about it for a bit.  Mom's going to be a harder sell.

your right. but how to convince my mother is totally different matter...
she's not the type you want to be around when shes upset

she's not the type you want to be around when shes upset  >> Who is?

In the long run actions will speak volumes more than a letter.  As you grow, become happier in who you are, they will see that.  Perhaps.

Quote from: tekla on March 18, 2008, 01:14:52 PM
she's not the type you want to be around when shes upset  >> Who is?

In the long run actions will speak volumes more than a letter.  As you grow, become happier in who you are, they will see that.  Perhaps.

my mother

After enough times catching me my mom did what most moms in that age do, took me to a shrink.  Perhaps - or in fact - I was lucky in getting one that was pretty liberal, her advice was "He's doing good in school, has no other behavior problems, so buy him a dress and martial arts lessons."  So I got my dress and my judo classes at the same time.  Neither ever went away, my tastes in clothing has got better, and I moved from judo through other forms and found a master - then, much later in my life, I was involved with some security people, street thugs really, who gave me the master's degree for my studies. 

My dad never liked it (the dress, he was ok with the martial arts stuff) but I was good in a lot of things he thought were important, electronics and mechanics, so he got over it - or at least learned to ignore it. 

I tried never to give in, but never let it get in the way either.

Quote from: silentpassion on March 18, 2008, 01:08:03 PM
your right. but how to convince my mother is totally different matter...
she's not the type you want to be around when shes upset

My dad's not one to be around when he's upset either.

I'm not sure how you want your relationship to be with your mother. If my dad rejects me when I come out, so be it. But, I'm not all that intereseted in maintaining a relationship with someone who habtiually uses words like "lesbian," dyke," and "->-bleeped-<-got" as epithets. As long as he doesn't take it out on my kids, fine.

If you want a good relationship with your mother, it's possible that she just needs time. It's also possible I don't know what I'm talking about.

Quote from: Shades O'Grey on March 18, 2008, 01:30:03 PM

Quote from: silentpassion on March 18, 2008, 01:08:03 PM
your right. but how to convince my mother is totally different matter...
she's not the type you want to be around when shes upset

My dad's not one to be around when he's upset either.

I'm not sure how you want your relationship to be with your mother. If my dad rejects me when I come out, so be it. But, I'm not all that intereseted in maintaining a relationship with someone who habtiually uses words like "lesbian," dyke," and "->-bleeped-<-got" as epithets. As long as he doesn't take it out on my kids, fine.

If you want a good relationship with your mother, it's possible that she just needs time. It's also possible I don't know what I'm talking about.

i can see what you mean i can't stand people like that and i've had more than a few experiences with them.

Quote from: silentpassion on March 18, 2008, 01:37:11 PM
i can see what you mean i can't stand people like that and i've had more than a few experiences with them.

One experience with them is ten too many.

yeah i know especially the type who pretends to be your friend

Quote from: silentpassion on March 18, 2008, 01:45:47 PM
yeah i know especially the type who pretends to be your friend

Yikes! I've never been that unfortunate. That's gotta hurt something awful.

it did it ended up with us beating each other into the ground. i don't like people harming my friends

I had to move away from my family.   Most have come on board and treat me as a member of the family.

You need to choose your life's direction.  Parents always have a hard time with that.. even with "normal" kids.

Cindi

You need to choose your life's direction.  Parents always have a hard time with that.. even with "normal" kids.

I do not agree.  Most of the parents I know support their kids, and their decisions.  Parents want their kids to be happy.  For the MOST part.

Quote from: tekla on March 18, 2008, 05:08:34 PM
You need to choose your life's direction.  Parents always have a hard time with that.. even with "normal" kids.

I do not agree.  Most of the parents I know support their kids, and their decisions.  Parents want their kids to be happy.  For the MOST part.

I've known individuals who were disowned for marrying outside their faith.  I've seen kids torn apart because their parents wanted them to be a doctor and all they wanted to do was become something like an auto mechanic.  I've seen kids pushed beyond despair because Mom wants her little girl to learn piano or ballet and the child wants to learn how to make pottery.  These are the things I was thinking about when I made the statement, Tekla.  Here in California, I haven't seen it so much.  But in the state that I'm from, it happens in almost every family to some degree.

Cindi

I've seen kids torn apart because their parents wanted them to be a doctor and all they wanted to do was become something like an auto mechanic.

Hey I know that one all too well.  My dad never got that I made more jack doing rock shows than teaching college.  But we do so love rock, and hate professors, don't we?  But my parents saw the exact opposite, that teaching college was prestige, a social standing deal, and doing blue collar work, was, well, blue collar.  I found a way to please them, and myself, more or less.  And I'm happy about that.  Once they were gone, I quit the junk, and did the real work.  Being happy is possible.

I think with time, your parents will come to understand.  When they're used to interacting with you and have known you for so long, they're unwilling to give up that security.  By having to call you another name i believe it feels to them that they're losing their son for some stranger.  This obviously isn't true and given enough time, they'll realize that.

I was thirteen when I came out and told my mom; that I was not a boy. At that time she thought that it was some kind of faze that I was going through. I left it alone for a while trying to suppress my feelings to be a women. When I tried to I just got more and more unhappy that I was being forced to be something that I was not. So when I was nineteen, I stated wearing women's clothing and starting acting more feminine. Then my mom ask me if I was gay, and at that time I told her that I was. So I started wearing women's clothing, but at that time my mom told me that "she didn't care what I was, but I was going to wear men's clothing with her in public." Until recently I done exactly what she has told me. Maybe about three months ago I told my mom that she has to except me for who I am, and that I am going to wear what I want to wear and that theres nothing that she could do about it. Now I am able to wear what I want. The way I think is shes your mother and she should except you for who you are and not try to make you  confined to some idea of the way she thinks you should be.