26 mtf at the start of my transition. How do I help my dad feel like he isn’t loosing his son?i can

Courtney.lane408 · April 15, 2018, 04:14:17 PM

I'm not full time yet but have been on hrt for 3 months. Live in the same town as my parents but I have my own place. He is a great dad and has been nothing but supportive but I can still tell he is hurting on the inside .

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Devlyn · April 15, 2018, 04:32:03 PM

Time heals all wounds. How long did it take you to come to terms with yourself? He needs processing time, too.

How do you help him? Show him a happy, healthy daughter. Dads love those.

Hugs, Devlyn

Rachel · April 15, 2018, 04:37:12 PM

I fully agree with Devlyn. Your happiness will show him he gained a daughter, alive and healthy.

Daisy Jane · April 16, 2018, 10:16:55 AM

I agree with the others. Just keep moving forward and give him time to come to terms with this. If there are specific activities you and your dad enjoy doing together, keep doing those things with him to show that you are still the same person on the inside.

TicTac · April 16, 2018, 11:24:37 AM

This is something I am dealing with, but it is my mom instead of my dad. Honestly, I do not think there is much you can do except for being happy. In the end, parents just want their kids to be happy, and to live a life without regrets or sadness. My mom is willing to suffer in order for me to be happy, and the only way to make it better is to be happy, because it will let them know that this is the right path.

Northstar · April 18, 2018, 09:50:56 AM

{{{HUGS}}}

I agree with all that others have said above, and I might also recommend checking out PFLAG... they may have a chapter near you specifically for parents of Transgender children (even grown-up children). I've seen several parents benefit greatly from talking with their PFLAG friends.

AquaWhatever · April 18, 2018, 11:45:55 PM

He's not going to feel otherwise until you transition.
In his mind you're going to become one of those sassy divo gay guys.
Because I'm 99% sure my mom thought I was going to because one of
those guys who punched holes in walls and eats mutton.

I think when he sees you transition and sees how happier you are
he won't feel that way.
The only thing changing is your appearance and probably your confidence.

Sparklefish · April 19, 2018, 12:13:17 AM

I'm the mommy of a AFAB teen and speaking from experience he just needs time to process probably. If you have a good relationship with him just do things together and gently remind him that you are still you. You;re just being true to yourself and in the end like another poster said parents want their kids to be happy. I know when I see how happy my son is it makes me feel so pleased. I hope you aren't feeling guilty. You have no reason to feel guilty. You are doing the right thing. Sending you big hugs.

MarieLouise1982 · April 19, 2018, 02:20:46 AM

I can totally relate to this post , me and my dad are really close , like best friends. I've told him all about my plans etc and although he did say as long as your happy , I too could tell he was heartbroken , to which hurts me. I cried a lot and he said why does it matter what clothes you wear. I tried to explain it's not just about the clothes and it's not a choice , I was wired this way from conception. I really think he will come round to it , just don't forget that they are going through a transition aswell as you.

Hugs

Marie xx

Courtney.lane408 · April 19, 2018, 07:12:23 AM

Thanks for all the words of advice everyone. I'm sure he will come around once he sees me living the right life and being happy but right now I think he is still grieving. I've tried to tell him I'm not going anywhere and it's still me but it doesn't seem to be helping. I guess this is one of the things that time will have to heal. Great advice though to make an effort to continue doing the things we have always done together and not let this stop us from having fun together as we are and have always been really close.

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pamelatransuk · April 19, 2018, 07:39:38 AM

Hello Courtney

I think you have hopefully just found the answer. All I can add is that I feel for you and I hope you both find resolution and happiness in a short period of time.

Please don't feel guilty - as Marie says - we are wired this way before birth.

Hugs

Pamela

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26 mtf at the start of my transition. How do I help my dad feel like he isn’t loosing his son?i can

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