I would like to introduce myself. Firstly apologies if I sound as if I am waffling, not always good at expressing about myself.

My name is Natalie, I am almost 50 and since I was a young child that I recognised that I did not identify fully with the gender I was assigned with.

Throughout my life I have gone through trying to express myself more akin to what I feel as how I identify within myself as to my true identity as a person.

When I left home to go to university I felt I could start living as I believed I should, being more feminine in different ways. I developed more as the person I have always felt I truly am. Having all females as friends at the time had supported me in understanding more about being female and the opportunity to be in my true peer group.

When I was about 22 I first opened up to one of my friends about my gender identity. It was a very emotional time and my friend was very supportive and I was able to feel okay about opening up to my other friends who again were all very supportive. At this time I felt I was able to openly present me as female. Again I was hugely supported by my friends who guided me in numerous aspects of being female. I did not transition fully at this time, presenting as both male and female. I do regret though not having transitioned further at this time.

Eventually I settled into a long term relationship with a woman, however this relationship was a very negative part of my life in which I faced being a victim of severe ongoing domestic abuse and violence. This stripped me of my dignity and identity. Also through this I had lost contact with all of my friends leaving me very lonely . Since this relationship I have found it difficult to build friendships and other relationships with people. I now have a very caring partner who and I have been attempting to rebuild my life again over the last 5 years.

As part of this I have felt that I cannot continue living with my identity being suppressed. I opened up again and following my regret at not transitioning in my 20's. I need to be who I truly am. My partner although initially finding this difficult and upsetting is very supportive and accepting of who I am.

So I'm here to understand more about being able to transition and be who I truly am.

Once again apologies for waffling on.

Natalie x

Hello Natalie,  Thank you for your interesting and informative Introductions Posting and thank you for joining Susan's Place... 
I see that you are new here and may have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances. 
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with the issues that you brought up in your introduction posting. 

WELCOME to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others about your transition and to read about others transitions and their trials, tribulations, and successes in their transition journey. 
It is nice that you have signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have a successful moment in your journey you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and get involved at your own pace.  Be sure to look at the Links that I posted below, there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

Hi Natalie 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hi Natalie 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica.
I don't think your "waffling" at all.  It hard enough to express realty to ourselves, let alone tell others.
Life gives us experiences that hopefully we learn from and create who we are. 
One thing I've found is love conquers hate, every time. 
I'm happy you're  in a good place now, not only in your life, but here at Susan's.
I suggest seeking counseling from a gender therapist to help you find the direction you need to go.  Questions abound in the earlier stages and the many experiences of the members here can be of great value.  Please join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

I see Danielle has greeted you and has given some links.  Please read the site rules, they can be handy to know, and pay heed to the link highlighted in red.  It has answers to commonly asked questions.

Hugs and smiles, Jess