Reading another thread just now had me thinking about this. Although I have never been misgendered yet to my face, it does happen often on the phone. I always reply that I am a Ms, or a M'am not a Mr or a sir, and when they continue to misgender me I always immediately ask to speak to their supervisor. This has unfortunately happened twice in the past week, with one representative I was speaking to on the phone misgendering me 7 times. Luckily it was recorded and when I spoke to the supervisor I was assured the rep would be spoken with and apologized to for the humiliation.

And I don't know if this is indicative of anything other than just my personal experience, but the problems are 100% with women! Every single time I have asked for my proper pronouns to be used with a male I have always been apologized to and carried on a civil conversation.

Anyways I always try to be polite on the first and even second time correcting someone. But after that I get mad, not sad.

Depends on circumstances. It almost never happens anymore and really hasn't happened much since last April. If it was a mistake or from someone I knew pre transition I would respectfully correct, if it was due to rudeness I would snappy correct. Either or the same sting happened every time

I have a six year old who says daddy all the time so its a bit hard to not be mis-gendered. If I let it upset me I'd go nuts so I just don't care anymore.

I get it fairly infrequently now, but it still happens. I should not have to dress all girly to get the right pronouns etc. Much of the time i wear a leather jacket, jeans, boots and little makeup but i expect people to figure it out.

I try and access the person; if its someone i know that slips up or whatever, i laugh about and correct them, if it is a stranger making a mistake i very kindly correct them and they usually apologize and are embarrassed. If it someone trying to be confrontational or passive agressive, i correct them more sternly or call them ma'am in return if it is a male.

I pretty much always get gendered correctly.. now.  It didn't use to be that way. I had to confront the head of our organization and tell him his avoiding and frankly misgendering was inappropriate.  I took the bull by the horns instead of hoping & praying he'd stop.   Now he calls me girl & genders me correctly.  It took balls to do that though.. something I'm not equipped with normally

It did not happen much until after a bad hair cut. I use to look around and sometimes even turn around and look. I would never get misgendered until I spoke. Then it would be yeah having a deep voice or a throat issue really sucks, makes me not want to talk much... they then get this OH crap look and apologize. People that knew me pretransition only will do it when talking about distant past events and then mostly self correct. The phone is hit and miss these days, getting better but still want VFS for it.
Just don't let it own you they will forget about you once out of eye shot... Customer service people who keep doing get the let me talk to your supervisor. Have had a few apology letters sent and ever a gift card from one of the retailers I was dealing with.

All I can ever do is work on my own self-esteem. It would be foolish of me to think that I cans sensor society in my favour, or have control over how people perceive me.
If someone misgenders me, so what! I'm still me. My essence won't change because someone used the wrong pronouns for me.
I think we can get so self absorbed with all things 'GENDER! GENDER! GENDER!' that we forget to get on with living our lives.
Most people are generally nice, many have suffered greater challenges than I will ever face. Who am I to judge or point fingers if someone slips up. Does it really matter in the greater scheme of things?
You don't need other peoples validation to live a happy life, we are much, much more than our gender.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

If it's a mistake by stranger I don't even care. If it's deliberate, to get upset about it would be to betray some weakness in my character far as I'm concerned and give the person exactly what they want.

But if someone is going out of their way to use it in the most acerbic way possible constantly then they'll find I'm capable of ripping someone else to shreds just for the fun of it, too.

That doesn't really happen to me though.

Pretty patient, I guess. I don't think I've ever actually asked anyone to use either gender.

If someone I'm meeting for the first time refers to me as male I just take it to mean that there's something about my appearance, behavior or voice that I still need to work on.

As for old acquaintances—well, I really want them to switch pronouns without prompting. To me that seems the most valuable indication possible that I'm doing something right.

Miss gender is a vague description? I think is take me a long time to accept who I am, so I don't expect other to accept me in the short time. So I just understand and let others do at their own pace. Since this is not a movie but it's a real life.

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Great question!

Well... my family has a tendency of blatantly misgendering me... When I was a kid I tried to correct them and remind them about the right name etc. But that didn't turn out well, so... They had angry fits so I just let it go. And succumbed. Later on I just severed contact basically... I will tolerate that if I must, and I don't like to cause scenes and try to be civil about it, but it does make me sulky and just feel bad in general.

When it comes to strangers... I really can't deal with being misgendered and not respected/seen as me so I basically isolated myself for having to deal with that as little as possible. Not very healthy I guess... But I felt that since obviously people can't see and treat me as a guy, I don't wanna deal with people then. Plus having that deadname made my life miserable hell and I didn't wanna deal with anything basically! Yeah, don't follow my example  !

When it comes to strangers that mean no harm I tolerate it - I mean it's not their fault I'm not on T yet! I'm not used to correcting people, really... Especially before this name change and having a good binder - I felt so miserable that felt I don't even have a right to correct people... Because they see what they see and it's really not their fault. I'm only able to correct people if I feel confident enough that I sort of pass or feel I could be taken seriously as a guy....

So my approach has been that I don't correct anyone, but then feel ->-bleeped-<-ty about it  .

To answer your question, very patient. I'm still "baking" and the final results are not in. Though I move closer to my goal everyday, I'm not there yet. But, the many times I have been called "miss" or "ma'am" makes me smile and I understand this is a journey and sometimes I hear the dreaded "sir." --- But, not very often, only when I'm forced into male clothes for work or to avoid a redneck neighbor. And my redneck neighbor is real  ... I call him "porch boy", because he sits on his porch that faces my house just about 24/7 smoking pot, cigs, and drinking beer ... it makes it hard for me to feel free to leave the front of my house dressed as me. It really sucks and I have been thinking about moving.

Depends if it's deliberate. Had a smarmy little prick tell me have a nice day Sir at the checkout, i said you too bitch. his mates fell about laughing, he didn't as the supervisor told him to see him after shift change

I just roll my eyes and carry on.  To me it's not worth the added stress in my life to correct people's ignorance.

Something I have found that works is that if I am having a conversation with someone I would work into it my gender pronoun.  For example (FTM example): I would say something like... Yesterday my boss complemented me on my work "he said I am one of the best male employees"

Not the best example but its gets the point across.  I don't like confronting someone about it so I will imply it and if they keep doing it I will just be like "mate, you've got me a little offended that you are referring to me as a female/male"

Whatever happens remember to be the bigger person
Love
Dex

It's quite rare, but when it happens, it's over the phone. I normally respond with "Excuse me?" to get their attention. If they claim they don't understand, I remind them that my name is Sarah. If they do it again, I hang up and try the call again. If I get the same idiot, I ask for the supervisor. That's when they usually hang up, and I can call again and get someone else.

I am pretty forgiving when it comes to misgendering, I havent been transitioning for long and the people I know aren't used to it

This is such a hard topic because it is so situational. I try to make the distinction between intentional misgendering and unintentional.

For example, I had to go to LabCorp a few days ago for some lab work and in their system they show me as F but still dead name since that has not legally changed. One of the three employees I interacted with insisted on referring to me as he/him/his. I was nearly in tears because she made such a point of using the pronoun repeatedly. So when the survey came out, I had some very pointed remarks.

On the other hand, the gender neutral pronoun in the English language is HE, so every female in an English speaking society gets misgendered unintentionally on a frequent basis. I know there are gender neutral pronoun attempts but I personally find them silly. So when someone without thinking refers to me in a male pronoun as a neutral or default, I do not think twice about it.

Daddy is quickly becoming an issue though. I love my kids more than words can say, however this is one that has on multiple occasions frustrated me so much that it has brought me to tears. As I look more and more feminine and pass more frequently and easily, this becomes more of an issue as the whole dynamic around me seems to change on a dime. My five year old daughter decided I am a second mommy and is using that about 50%. My spouse is not excited about that, but since we are separated, perhaps a non issue. My eight year old is more distraught, he wants a mom and a dad and he understands what is going on. He misses his dad, which I understand. And so it's not intentional but he sometimes will duckshot me with dad in public.

Then there are close family and friends who have known me for various extended lengths of time, and with those I try to have patience. Some picked it right up and occasionally slip, others are intentionally using dead name and male pronouns (mom) and others are just not rewired yet. Friends are a funny thing because it's pretty obvious when their perception flips from male to female. The name/pronoun become more consistent and the manner of interactions change to be more in line with that persons "normal" female interactions. For example, I am no longer welcome at the "boys club" social table after my board meeting ends for a social club that I am president of. I know this because when I join, the entire conversation, language and tone shift to a more typical female friendly environment devoid of dirty jokes and profanities even though I am the only female in the group. It is fascinating to observe these shifts in human behavior and social dynamics between men and women, and I am convinced the men do not even realize that they do it.

I spend most of my time at work and in a uniform. So I get misgendered at a rate of about 50/50.

I dislike it, but I never argue with it. I am beginning to think it's a personal thing to them, since clearly I don't pass. And their isn't much I can do about strangers. Being that I work out in the public, I don't need the drama.

Management at my job genders me correctly. The coworkers are hit and miss. I am going to start correcting them first. Or at the minimum asking them to stop "siring" me . I don't like it.

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Quote from: Laurel D on May 02, 2018, 12:15:12 PM
I spend most of my time at work and in a uniform. So I get misgendered at a rate of about 50/50.

I dislike it, but I never argue with it. I am beginning to think it's a personal thing to them, since clearly I don't pass. And their isn't much I can do about strangers. Being that I work out in the public, I don't need the drama.

Management at my job genders me correctly. The coworkers are hit and miss. I am going to start correcting them first. Or at the minimum asking them to stop "siring" me . I don't like it.

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I almost think you are sitting in the cab of an ambulance.