Going out and living in public typically requires us to have a degree of confidence in ourselves and alot of self acceptance. Last weekend when my partner visited we spent a day out and about in London.

Two transwomen walking down the road holding hands will draw a degree of attention anywhere in the world. I can say that to a very large degree we were always treated respectfully, professionally and correctly with everyone we interacted with.

There was one incident that did crop up. Waiting at a train platform holding hands, we were noticed by a couple of younger men in a stationary carriage on the opposite track. They pointed at us and nudged each other, clearly proud their keen senses had identified us! [emoji23]

In these sittutations a trans* person is faced with a few decisions, how to react in the moment, and how to mentally process the event after.

We stayed calm, made eye contact but did not otherwise react. A physical separation by glass and a high voltage track meant we were totally safe from both physical and verbal abuse.

I think it is the mental processing of the incident afterwards that can help build or tear down our confidence. In this case both my partner and I agreed that they were just a bunch of jerks and gave it little other thought. Dwelling on their behaviour beyond this would have handed them victory.

Finding the confidence,  especially early in transition to step out in public can be hard. Keep yourself safe, but don't so spare any more thought to the very few bigots among us, they are worthless and do not deserve your energy.

Always be safe and be yourself. X

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Quote from: Megan. on April 28, 2018, 11:48:35 AM
Going out and living in public typically requires us to have a degree of confidence in ourselves and alot of self acceptance. Last weekend when my partner visited we spent a day out and about in London.

Two transwomen walking down the road holding hands will draw a degree of attention anywhere in the world. I can say that to a very large degree we were always treated respectfully, professionally and correctly with everyone we interacted with.

There was one incident that did crop up. Waiting at a train platform holding hands, we were noticed by a couple of younger men in a stationary carriage on the opposite track. They pointed at us and nudged each other, clearly proud their keen senses had identified us! [emoji23]

In these sittutations a trans* person is faced with a few decisions, how to react in the moment, and how to mentally process the event after.

We stayed calm, made eye contact but did not otherwise react. A physical separation by glass and a high voltage track meant we were totally safe from both physical and verbal abuse.

I think it is the mental processing of the incident afterwards that can help build or tear down our confidence. In this case both my partner and I agreed that they were just a bunch of jerks and gave it little other thought. Dwelling on their behaviour beyond this would have handed them victory.

Finding the confidence,  especially early in transition to step out in public can be hard. Keep yourself safe, but don't so spare any more thought to the very few bigots among us, they are worthless and do not deserve your energy.

Always be safe and be yourself. X

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@Megan.   Nicely written.... a very well stated posting regarding the transition difficulties and frustrations that all of ou sometimes have to endure.  Maintaining our self confidence, self assurance and composure is essential as we step out in our transistion journey.
Thank you for your most helpful post.
Hugs,
Danielle

Are you sure, that the guys were identifying you as a transwomen and not lesbians? I mean, young guys, they think anything is funny and lesbians would provoke a similar reaction.

Quote from: Mendi on April 28, 2018, 12:07:40 PM
Are you sure, that the guys were identifying you as a transwomen and not lesbians? I mean, young guys, they think anything is funny and lesbians would provoke a similar reaction.

It's possible, but either way their behaviour was simply rude and warranted no further thought. [emoji5]

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Quote from: Megan. on April 28, 2018, 12:22:16 PM
It's possible, but either way their behaviour was simply rude and warranted no further thought. [emoji5]

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You are so right, Megan. I am going to be the bearded lady on Tuesday as I make my way in to the city for a face zapping followed by a visit with my therapist sporting a 4 day unshaven face. I have every intention of presenting as Jayne the best way I currently know how. Thank you for boosting my confidence.

Jayne

Quote from: Jayne01 on April 28, 2018, 12:47:26 PM
You are so right, Megan. I am going to be the bearded lady on Tuesday as I make my way in to the city for a face zapping followed by a visit with my therapist sporting a 4 day unshaven face. I have every intention of presenting as Jayne the best way I currently know how. Thank you for boosting my confidence.

Jayne

I used to go shopping at Costco after my laser sessions with a red puffy face covered in Aloevera gel [emoji23]. Enjoy the city.
X

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I just walk "taller" when I get a second take , seem to work . confidents wins and they "back" off if you know what I mean

Quote from: Megan. on April 28, 2018, 01:45:40 PM
I used to go shopping at Costco after my laser sessions with a red puffy face covered in Aloevera gel [emoji23]. Enjoy the city.
X

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That sounds like me after getting zapped last week. Red and puffy, covered in Aloe Vera, walking around the city and taking public transport. Eventually you reach a point where other people's opinions don't matter. I really do like roaming around the city before or after my appointments.

Jayne

Great post Megan.  It was very inspiring for me to read!  Thank you for sharing this.

I hope I can stay as cool and calm as you when I'm full time!

Quote from: VaxSpyder on April 28, 2018, 08:52:17 PM
I hope I can stay as cool and calm as you when I'm full time!

You look great hun, I'm sure you'll be fine [emoji5]. X

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Nice post Megan.  I still don't get gendered correctly at all.  I usually don't even try to correct, mainly because I have such short hair right now.  Today though, I decided to see what the difference would be based on your post.  A bystander came over to talk this morning since we both have standard poodles.  She asked who my friend is so I said that's Fanta.  And she said, something like your daddy must love you with that haircut.  When she asked me my name I said, I'm Bari Jo, Fanta's mommy.  There wasn't even a lull.  I love it.  I hadn't even tried to correct it before. It felt good:)

Bari Jo

Hello Megan
First off I'd like to say hats off to you and yours for holding your composure in this situation. I believe it's more likely than not that the tracks were not acting as a barrier I think the men who looked at you would have done the same if they were right next to you. it's possible that you're so at one with yourself that you're inner identity shined through leaving with you a kind of command presence that deterred any type of escalating problems. This will certainly boost your confidence level if another incident occurs. Walk Tall and proud after all it's you that get to live your life as you want not them because of their ignorance. Times are changing fast but social acceptance is moving slow. So I believe you acted in a most honorable fashion. besides you really don't know the real intent of these men, the sky's the limit. Congratulations and best wishes love Tatiana

Hi Megan,

I have been taking your approach for some time now and it seems to have worked well for us. Yesterday my partner and I were at a Bar-b-que restaurant in Dallas Texas where we were obviously clocked. There was a lot of staring and whispering between the staff but we were still treated with respect. Iof the country that trouble might arise that Pride and Confidence may not pull us through. Texas can have some pretty red neck tough areas and the states east of here can be down right dangerous. I was bothered that I allowed my time living fully out in our safe  didn't even notice their behavior but my partner did. I have been pretty shaken up by it since she told me. I have no problem being read and even stared at as long as it is respectful but I am concerned when we are traveling in less respectful and unsafe areas away from our home state of Colorado that I allow myself to be lulled into feeling of false sense of security that put us into a risky area and that scares me. People have been known to die for those mistakes.

Tia Anne