It's always the same thing with me. I convince myself that I cannot continue. I tell myself that I must forget that I am trans and get on with my life.......and so I have for many months now. I even discarded most of my clothes that I'd stashed away. I was going to man up!!
Well, last week I learned that I needed to stay away for a night for work and I immediately saw an opportunity to be myself for one night.
So here I am. I've 'borrowed ' a skirt, top, bra and underwear from my wife (if she only knew!!) plus some makeup and here I am looking, feeling and being my own woman again. I haven't been so at ease for months. Little things make such a difference.
Thank goodness I am a woman😌.

A lot of us have acquired clothes, purged them, and repeated, many times.  The fact that the urge never went away convinced me that there must be something real, a basic part of who I am, behind it.  And the chance of getting busted convinced me that I had to get it out in the open before I was outed against my will.

You are right, it never goes away.  It is not something you can ever forget.  Good luck with whatever path you choose.

Thanks Kathy Lauren,
I am terrified of being busted. I'm also terrified of coming out as I fear (and know) that I would lose everything- wife, kids, family, friends. I love reading people's stories where they have come out and have been accepted by all.
Unfortunately that will never be for me. Not to worry though, I am very happy with who I am😌.

Quote from: Ciara on April 30, 2018, 05:36:33 PM
Thanks Kathy Lauren,
I am terrified of being busted. I'm also terrified of coming out as I fear (and know) that I would lose everything- wife, kids, family, friends. I love reading people's stories where they have come out and have been accepted by all.
Unfortunately that will never be for me. Not to worry though, I am very happy with who I am😌.

Sometimes you lose it all.. sometimes you gain both worlds.  Sometimes it leads to new life and a happier fulfilled person.  Alot depends on you, and on the roll of the dice. 

In the end though, you won't know unless it happens.  Be prepared for the best... be prepared for the worst, if you can.  And you're 100% right.  It never goes away.  Is that such a terrible thing?  Some people are happy just dressing at home.  Some go full boat, all the way.  Its all up to you.. and hopefully gain insight from others who went through this too.  At least you're in the right place for that.  

I too have a lot of fear of getting caught.  I also am too scared to come out, and even if I did, I know my family wouldn't be very accepting, since I have a transgender sister who came out and she didn't receive a very warm embrace from the family.  I've purged a few times, but Danielle always came back - sometimes for a short while and sometimes long enough for me to mistakenly think she was gone for good.  But she came back, stronger than ever.  I finally embraced the fact that she is as much a part of me as any other aspect of my life.  I thought I was just a cross dresser, but just dressing is not enough.  My inner self is female.  I don't dress full time nor am I in the process of transitioning.  I'm still learning to accept this side of me and incorporate it into my life.  You are not alone!

Hugs!!!

Hello Ciara

You just do what you are content to do either in private or parttime or public.

However clearly you know and I can confirm "It never goes away".

I knew I was trans as I wished to be a girl at 4 and took no action till the age of 62; now I intend to go public as soon as HRT produces physical results.

The crunch comes when you realise that bodyshaving and crossdressing in not sufficient to hold your feelings at bay.

I wish you happiness whatever path you choose.

Pamela

I purged once, because I had a wardrobe of inherited clothes that looked clownish and it made me just feel like I was playing dress up. Now I am building my own wardrobe of clothes that fit me better and some I can wear as a man. This time I feel more empiwered in my choices so I appreciate the wardrobe more.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

Quote from: Danielle Kristina on April 30, 2018, 06:03:14 PM
I too have a lot of fear of getting caught.  I also am too scared to come out, and even if I did, I know my family wouldn't be very accepting, since I have a transgender sister who came out and she didn't receive a very warm embrace from the family.  I've purged a few times, but Danielle always came back - sometimes for a short while and sometimes long enough for me to mistakenly think she was gone for good.  But she came back, stronger than ever.  I finally embraced the fact that she is as much a part of me as any other aspect of my life.  I thought I was just a cross dresser, but just dressing is not enough.  My inner self is female.  I don't dress full time nor am I in the process of transitioning.  I'm still learning to accept this side of me and incorporate it into my life.  You are not alone!

Hugs!!!

I found that self acceptance was a big milestone. Once I accepted that I am a transgender woman i found peace with myself. Although life sometimes forces me to turn away from myself, when I come back ( and I always do!!), I find that I have really missed being myself. I am so much happier and contented as a woman.
Thank you Danielle for the hugs.
Ciara.

Quote from: pamelatransuk on May 01, 2018, 06:25:24 AM
Hello Ciara

You just do what you are content to do either in private or parttime or public.

However clearly you know and I can confirm "It never goes away".

I knew I was trans as I wished to be a girl at 4 and took no action till the age of 62; now I intend to go public as soon as HRT produces physical results.

The crunch comes when you realise that bodyshaving and crossdressing in not sufficient to hold your feelings at bay.

I wish you happiness whatever path you choose.

Pamela

Hello Pamela,
Thank you for your support. Your coming out and transitioning at 62 gives me some hope. I'm 59 so I suppose it is never too late to start.

Thank you,

Hugs.

Ciara.