Quote from: Becca Kay on April 07, 2018, 09:37:33 AM
so obviously i've had some bad days lately. I'm living alone and it's wearing me down. some of it is having no friends and some of it is being "alone."
I had a lousy relationship with my spouse when we broke up. But I still wished last year that I could have somehow kept my spouse and my home and not had to move. My divorce continues to slowly unfold. I think it will be finalized by early June. Maybe next month. Last year it felt like my heart was being torn out, but now i just want to get on with my life. We still have a relationship, but I don't quite understand what it is. It's still some weird version of the codependent mess we were in all those years. We talk regularly. I'm still paying most of her bills. She calls me or texts me every day. But she has NEVER uses my new name. Friends and family tell me that she misgenders me to them. I need this to be over.
I wish I could go on a date. But now i don't know how. When I was a "cis male" and younger it was really easy. before i married I was kind of a man whore. I had a lot of (straight) girlfriends. A LOT. I was never alone. I've tried to sign up for dating apps. But i have hardly any photos of myself that I can tolerate showing to people. And I feel like the way I present right now that I'm some kind of mess.
@ Becca Kay: Hang in there. You don't have to read too deeply here on the Forums to find out that you are NOT ALONE with the feelings and happenings that you have described that you are experiencing.
Even though I have 3+ years of HRT that have resulted in significant body changes and I have been successfully living full time for a year and a half.... I could write a book or two about my disappointments, my family issues, lost friendships, etc... but I also would now include the many successes that have come my way.... but it takes time and patience to get through the gauntlet of HRT, transitioning, trying to rebuild family and friend relationships, forming new friends and relationships, employment changes, Photo ID changes, etc, etc.
Transitioning takes lots of patience, usually nothing with transitioning and HRT happens very quickly, at least not as quickly as we all desire. Human nature tells us that "We want it all and we want it now"
Might I suggest that you start your own private and personal journey where you can write down your thoughts, your goals, your successes, your disappointment and your failures. This can be a good exercise and good therapy for any of us in helping us to clear our our mind and to think more clearly.
Wishing you well.... and again, hang in there... and keep us updated as you feel comfortable doing.
Danielle