I have been upfront right away with the men I have been with and most recently my Fiance. I just feel like that is such an important part of my life that a guy I may plan on becoming intimate with in the future should know about it. If they don't like it right from the start then I don't have to worry about anything. If they are fine with it then I know they are fine with who I am and they are worth moving forward with.

Quote from: RoRo on May 07, 2018, 07:47:22 PM
I have been upfront right away with the men I have been with and most recently my Fiance. I just feel like that is such an important part of my life that a guy I may plan on becoming intimate with in the future should know about it. If they don't like it right from the start then I don't have to worry about anything. If they are fine with it then I know they are fine with who I am and they are worth moving forward with.

Hi RoRo,                08 May 2018

Fantastic attitude and policy. You can't go wrong doing it your way; hope others will follow your lead. You are a winner.

Your Avatar indicates you are a very beautiful young lady.

Best Always,
Christine

Quote from: christinej78 on May 08, 2018, 12:21:53 AM
Hi RoRo,                08 May 2018

Fantastic attitude and policy. You can't go wrong doing it your way; hope others will follow your lead. You are a winner.

Your Avatar indicates you are a very beautiful young lady.

Best Always,
Christine

Thank you so much Christine. I have always felt that being honest and upfront especially in a matter like this is something very important. It has worked out for me. 


Also thank you so much for the compliment.

Hugs, Raquel

As most things in life this isn't black and white.  A transphobe could become violent if you tell him the first time you meet him.  Just talking to you, could shatter his fragile male ego.

I would suggest you really have to try as best you can to find out who you're associating with before you disclose or consider having sex with them.  This is probably just as true for cisfemales.  They're are violent men who just want to beat them up too. 

I think the first rule should be test the person over and over again before telling them.  If you're unsure after that, then walk away quickly.

It would probably be useful to have a thread on the best ways to test a potential partner before disclosing the truth.

Be safe everyone,
Paige

Quote from: Paige on May 08, 2018, 12:08:20 PM
As most things in life this isn't black and white.  A transphobe could become violent if you tell him the first time you meet him.  Just talking to you, could shatter his fragile male ego.

I would suggest you really have to try as best you can to find out who you're associating with before you disclose or consider having sex with them.  This is probably just as true for cisfemales.  They're are violent men who just want to beat them up too. 

I think the first rule should be test the person over and over again before telling them.  If you're unsure after that, then walk away quickly.

It would probably be useful to have a thread on the best ways to test a potential partner before disclosing the truth.

Be safe everyone,
Paige

I totally understand where you are coming from and I agree with you that those people are out there. When I indulge this information in a meeting it is literally the first encounter. So all of these men have approached me in a club  or cafe where I not only had friends with me but also many other people were there. I highly doubt someone is going to get violent in a club with huge bouncers unless they want to go to jail. I would never indulge this information with a stranger if we were alone(safety first).

As for me, I don't have to worry about it anymore because I am engaged to a wonderful man who I did tell right upfront  and we are starting our planning for a 2019 wedding.

Quote from: RoRo on May 08, 2018, 12:57:39 PM
I totally understand where you are coming from and I agree with you that those people are out there. When I indulge this information in a meeting it is literally the first encounter. So all of these men have approached me in a club  or cafe where I not only had friends with me but also many other people were there. I highly doubt someone is going to get violent in a club with huge bouncers unless they want to go to jail. I would never indulge this information with a stranger if we were alone(safety first).

As for me, I don't have to worry about it anymore because I am engaged to a wonderful man who I did tell right upfront  and we are starting our planning for a 2019 wedding.

Congrats Roro! Your success story makes me happy! And I definitely agree with your view on this.

Quote from: RoRo on May 08, 2018, 12:57:39 PM
I totally understand where you are coming from and I agree with you that those people are out there. When I indulge this information in a meeting it is literally the first encounter. So all of these men have approached me in a club  or cafe where I not only had friends with me but also many other people were there. I highly doubt someone is going to get violent in a club with huge bouncers unless they want to go to jail. I would never indulge this information with a stranger if we were alone(safety first).

As for me, I don't have to worry about it anymore because I am engaged to a wonderful man who I did tell right upfront  and we are starting our planning for a 2019 wedding.

Hi RoRo,            08 May 2018

You are on the money, right on target. Directness saves a lot of time. What's the point in dealing with someone a half dozen times or more just to find out they're jerks. Doesn't compute when one direct encounter will expose them.

It's really up to the individual to decide. I still like your way and will stick with it. There will always be jerks out there so everyone needs to be careful. If you have a bad feeling in your gut, run; that feeling is there for a reason.

Best Always,
Christine

Nicky & Christine, Thank You. I think being upfront and honest out of the gate keeps from trouble down the way. I do however would always say safety in this area is highly important so bringing this out is always important with friends and others in the area.

I have always been of the mindset when I was growing up that if I was honest with my parents they were going to find out or already knew. For example my Senior Year in High School I attended a party and got out of this world drunk. I stayed over my friends house that evening but at dinner that evening the first thing out of my parents mouth was how was it getting pass out drunk last night. I was astonished on how they knew. They always seemed to know. So I am always upfront and honest with everyone because my mindset is they will find out in the future.

I'm with RoRo on this. Heck, I disclose that I am trans to group leaders before joining meet ups.   

The last thing I want is to be miles into a hike with a violent and triggered transphobe. Not Fun!


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Quote from: Michelle_P on May 08, 2018, 05:48:56 PM
I'm with RoRo on this. Heck, I disclose that I am trans to group leaders before joining meet ups.   

The last thing I want is to be miles into a hike with a violent and triggered transphobe. Not Fun!


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I can understand that for sure. I think if you bring it out in a safe space you will be fine.

Quote from: Ellement_of_Freedom on May 07, 2018, 06:33:01 PM
Everyone has a right to run their own lives and relationships how they see fit. I think it is borderline disrespectful to say your way is the only way and insist that everyone follow your rules. We are all individuals and every relationship is different.

Thank you, I absolutely agree with the above, but it's good to hear success stories like RoRo, many have posted saying they would disclose upfront and everything turns out wonderful, but it not always turns out this way, so if you decide to disclose on a first date and meeting well maybe post in the future and let us know how it turns out, experience will tell.
Maybe I've just been unlucky, I never got pass a first date when I disclosed I was trans, so then I never disclosed on 1 night stands, I disclosed to a guy after we dated for several months and he dumped me, I wasn't a ''real woman'' bla bla bla
I finally got lucky when I met my future husband, we dated for over a year, then 1 night he proposed and surprised me with a diamond solitaire engagement ring, I was overwhelmed, when a boyfriend wants me to become his wife, it was my time to disclose, I thought it would come crashing down, he didn't show anger but was very shocked and didn't believe me at first, but I felt a great sense of relief, at last he finally knows, he went for counselling, we got engaged and got married, on our wedding day I remember he whisper in my ear ''always remember you are a very special girl'' I started to cry lol and he said ''go ahead, have a good cry sweetie, all brides cry on their wedding day''
There is no ideal disclosing situation, whatever a person decides to disclose, be prepared for rejection and ridicule, disclose in a safe environment, and whatever ye decide is the right decision and choice for YOU!!!!

What's the difference disclosing the first encounter, a few dates/meeting or a year after a relationship? The only thing I can think of is the other person and circumstances. Those 2 factors don't rely on each other but I think what I call "circumstance" or "waiting until x amount of time" plays a factor. Of course a transphobe misogynist maybe not take well to the news, especially a few months after... But I also think there's risk of (typically) men wanting sex too soon when they find out someone is trans.
This is just my take on things and of course everyone should do what feels right for them.

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