That was, in a nutshell, my parents' reaction when I came out to them and told them I wanted to transition. It's pointless, stupid, not real, will never really work, it will mess up my kids forever and I won't ever be accepted as a man anyway.

They sent me that email 2 weeks ago, and I re-read it just now because I wanted to reply now that I cooled off. But it's hard to cool off. It's just really sad.

My favorite brother, same thing. He is just asking me all these suggestive questions, like "don't you think there is something else/bigger underneath this plan?" - heck, yeah, it's the plan to NOT MISS A SINGLE DAY OF LIVING MY LIFE, instead of someone else's life.

<\rant>

Don't care too much about my parents' reaction but my brother, that's hard. I threw me into a deep crisis, because that's my nightmare: I won't pass/be accepted as a man, AND I am losing my relatives and some friends. That I am not gaining anything, only losing. That reincarnation is my only hope.

Big hug!

The good news is you aren't doing it for them.

Time also changes people's perspectives. Their initial reaction is unlikely to be their final conclusion.

Hugs, Devlyn

Please be assured these initial doubts are very common, and you have a whole host of allies in your camp in this site.  Sure we may not be physically present, but be assured.. hundreds if not thousands here support you.. and indeed have been in the same or similar boat!

You can do it;  Many have come before you, and many will after you too.  Many of us felt the same way and made it through these very difficult beginning stages.  You can too, if your spirit is strong and you can find a way to life your soul above the negativity you will face.

Testosterone is a very powerful hormone, it can do amazing things (terrible things for some!) Even if you opt for the non HRT route, there are other tricks to the trade to ease the passage.   Please find a way to carry on We are in your corner. 

Quote from: Teddy79 on May 12, 2018, 06:58:26 PM
That was, in a nutshell, my parents' reaction when I came out to them and told them I wanted to transition. It's pointless, stupid, not real, will never really work, it will mess up my kids forever and I won't ever be accepted as a man anyway.

They sent me that email 2 weeks ago, and I re-read it just now because I wanted to reply now that I cooled off. But it's hard to cool off. It's just really sad.

My favorite brother, same thing. He is just asking me all these suggestive questions, like "don't you think there is something else/bigger underneath this plan?" - heck, yeah, it's the plan to NOT MISS A SINGLE DAY OF LIVING MY LIFE, instead of someone else's life.

<\rant>

Don't care too much about my parents' reaction but my brother, that's hard. I threw me into a deep crisis, because that's my nightmare: I won't pass/be accepted as a man, AND I am losing my relatives and some friends. That I am not gaining anything, only losing. That reincarnation is my only hope.

Teddy,
   You know you are a guy, be strong in that. Do what you need to for you and not anyone else. You are not wrong. You know what you are dealing with, they do not. I suspect you are tempted to react with anger. I would. But maybe a response  that is strategic with an eye to what has the best chance to turn things around might be good. You can only control what you can. Hold your head up high and handle yourself with class. No one can take that from you and you will know that, on your end, you did your best. Sorry for your pain!
Moni

Hi Teddy,

  I won't tell you to ignore these reactions, I won't tell you not to be hurt, I won't tell you your fears are groundless. I will tell you that I understand.  I will tell you that you are not alone. I will tell you that no matter what you do it hurts, you cannot ignore the bad reactions, and nothing I can say can take away the fear,  I will tell you this is survivable. The hurt diminishes, and that there is hope. I have been through it and survived the pain of it.
  It is going to be rough, but you can do it Teddy. I almost didn't but I did. It took me months to get past losing most of my family and a few of my friends. I knew this was something I need to do. I lived 64 years wishing I could be a woman and when I realized I could, I was not going to do anything else. I still get doubts at each step but one thing I do know is there is no going back for me. I am happier now than I ever have been. Still fearful I may not ever pass but I am a woman and no one will convince me otherwise.
  As my dear friend Moni says, "You know you are a guy, be strong in that. Do what you need to for you and not anyone else. You are not wrong. "  No one is going to be able to convince you otherwise. You can do it. I have faith in you.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Ya that's tough, and I am sorry you have to go through this. It would be nice if people would just except people for they way they are, but they don't .
It took you time to understand and except yourself didn't it? Give them time , be calm and at peace with your decision, and educate your family as you go. They will come around in time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hi Teddy,

I know the reactions you got from family really sting, but initial reactions are not final reactions. They don't get it because they have absolutely no concept of what it's like to be transgender, so from their perspective your choices are idiotic and wrong.

When my wife and sons found out I was transgender, it was by accident and I found myself in a vey defensive position instead of the carefully managed scenario I had envisioned.  We had a family sit-down, and it did not go well.  My youngest son (he was 10 at the time) was kind of silent, my older son (then 13) told me, "Just don't do 'that' [looking like a girl] in front of me", and my step-son (then 20) refused to even be present.  He later texted me and told me that I "was an embarrassment to the family" and I "should move far away so I don't screw up" my younger sons. My wife was not hostile, but it was clear she was trying to "protect" her children rather than help me, or help us as a family.

Fast-forward two years later, and my wife is civil, but distant. My youngest son and I are very close, and he accepts me fully. My older son tolerates me now that I am a full-time female, and will call me when he wants something, but would die of embarrassment if his friends saw me. My step-son is as angry as ever, recently telling me I "f****d up his life and my family's life, and all his memories about me are a lie".  There was more to the diatribe, but I think you get the gist of it. 

It hurts, obviously, but telling my step-son how wrong he is or pointing out the hypocrisy of his views would fall on deaf ears and only serve to reinforce the breach between us. I don't want a failed relationship but I am what I am and it took a tremendous amount of courage and personal strength to get to the point where I can live as my authentic self. I have nothing to apologize for, and neither do you. Play the long game, with the hope that in time there will be reconciliation. If there isn't, so be it.

We are all stardust. At the end of our days, the flesh will fall away, and we will return to that from which we came. All that will remain is who we really are. These few short years on this earth should be lived as best you can.

The only advice I can give you Teddy is to keep love in your heart as much as you can, give your parents and brother time, and be the person you know you are. The rest is up to them.

With kindness,

Terri

I just wanted to say I feel for you.

My partner just outed me to his entire family while I wasn't there - the day before a really important family gathering I couldn't miss. I had hope that I could connect with some members of his family, though there are others who lack sense and boundaries and decency and ugh. He told them all.

I didn't want to go, but ended up going last minute because my partner really wanted me to go.

Everyone was cordial, but the cold, impersonal nature of it was terrible. I was a complete outsider. I'm not sure if that hurt more than being openly maligned.

It hurt the most to be shut out by the people I did have faith in. After hearing years of, "Oh, we accept you in our family no matter what!"

I'm not one to get close to others' families on a whim, either, because of my own past experiences with abandonment. I opened up and trusted them. So it stung.

There may be hope yet. Who knows. But it certainly won't deter me from the plan:

Quoteit's the plan to NOT MISS A SINGLE DAY OF LIVING MY LIFE, instead of someone else's life.

I think this is the most important thing.

As everyone has said, you are doing this for you and you have allies in all of us.
You have to be true to you. People can change over time but there may be ones that don't. For those just live your life and don't let them get to you.

Quote from: Teddy79 on May 12, 2018, 06:58:26 PM
That was, in a nutshell, my parents' reaction when I came out to them and told them I wanted to transition. It's pointless, stupid, not real, will never really work, it will mess up my kids forever and I won't ever be accepted as a man anyway.

They sent me that email 2 weeks ago, and I re-read it just now because I wanted to reply now that I cooled off. But it's hard to cool off. It's just really sad.

My favorite brother, same thing. He is just asking me all these suggestive questions, like "don't you think there is something else/bigger underneath this plan?" - heck, yeah, it's the plan to NOT MISS A SINGLE DAY OF LIVING MY LIFE, instead of someone else's life.

<\rant>

Don't care too much about my parents' reaction but my brother, that's hard. I threw me into a deep crisis, because that's my nightmare: I won't pass/be accepted as a man, AND I am losing my relatives and some friends. That I am not gaining anything, only losing. That reincarnation is my only hope.

Just so you know, I didn't read anyone else's response, so if I repeat what's been said, that's why.

Don't let anyone tell YOU how to live YOUR life!  Chances are pretty good that you'll be fine.  Sure, it takes a while for the T to do the drastic changes that will occur, but more often than not, those changes DO happen.  Look at your brother.  You might end up looking similar. 

If you decide to transition, most of all, be patient!!!  Puberty takes YEARS!  People tend to forget that fact.

Most importantly, do what's best for YOU!!!  If you feel that transitioning is what you need to be happy, do it!  Live YOUR life for YOU, NOT for others. 

I'm going to hope that they come to their senses and realize that you're still you.  You'll just be happier with yourself. 

Ryuichi

Quote. ryuichi13
Don't let anyone tell YOU how to live YOUR life!  Chances are pretty good that you'll be fine.  Sure, it takes a while for the T to do the drastic changes that will occur, but more often than not, those changes DO happen.  Look at your brother.  You might end up looking

This can be so true. I used one of those face app things and the end result was my sister almost to the point we could be twins

are you affecting anyone by being a female to male...? no i thought not,
so tell them to put up or shut up. you to me and the other men here say you are a man and i say stick to it.
you will be accepted no doubt. and your kids will reseach it and understand when they are old enough. its 2018 not 1912. we are all equal.
and dont you dare mr talk about reincarnation cause you already are.when you are an old man you can do that but now i know its hard but there are people who care.

dont even hesitate to message me just to talk.

big hugs and i hope for the best