I wasn't really planning on starting my own thread at this point but I have had such an overwhelmingly amazing day today it felt like the timing was right.
A little background so this makes more sense. I was a single parent for my twin daughters from 2011-2016. They now live with their mother in Florida per my agreement with my ex. At this point, I was left all alone and my dysphoria, which I have, of course, struggled with forever came roaring back. There was not anything left to focus on in my day to day. Denver is not the cheapest place to live and it made financial sense for my mother, who lived alone and was struggling, and myself to get a place together and make both of our lives easier. In late 2016 I came out as transgender to my mother. I wore my fear on my sleeve and, though she indicated she was supportive, I felt like a selfish jerk for turning things upside down and being "needy"... A few days later I backpedaled and retracted the whole thing like that is something you could really do and we mostly have not spoken of it again...until today. This is in large part to Ellie's post "Open letter to anyone anxious and afraid! (Read if your fear is posting here!)" where she talks about not wanting to bother people. It hit me that I was doing exactly that. I was putting the perceived needs of others before my own which is not, usually, a bad thing. Sometimes though, it is necessary, vital even, and things must be said.
Mother's Day. It seemed like it was an appropriate choice. I am her child and I had something to say. Long story short, we cried, we hugged, we planned lol. I never gave her the chance before to be on my side. I just shut the whole thing down. She is now my partner in this. She is not my step-father who abused me severely for daring to be me as a child. I should not have placed her in the same boat as him. Could she have done more when I was a kid to help me with things? Yes. Of course. But I get it...and that was then. This is now.
I feel like I hit a restart button. I was planning, before this, to get my own place again when our lease is up in September so I can present part-time. Now there is no need. Part-time starts pretty much now which has me more excited than I have been in forever. And I need as much practice as I can get with presenting!! I originally posted these pics in the "You Look Fabulous" thread. This was my first solo attempt at makeup, wig and clothing. Is it great? Um....no. But I loved doing it. A lot. I could sit here and criticize these pictures for everything I am not in them, but I have chosen to just see that I have potential. I can do this. It is a starting point, nothing more. I finally start HRT towards the end of this week and we will see what those little pills can do. Sorry this was so long. I felt all of this was necessary for the opening post.
xoxoxo
Alyssa
