So, I guess this isn't a very uncommon topic, so I am sorry if this is somewhat redundant. I am very torn about how I identify as for, like, 4 months, I know this is hardly long, but be aware I claim no truth but that I am quite certain not to be cis. Maybe I should wait longer, I don't know. My confusion stems from two separate issues.

First of, it is not like I hate my birth-assigned gender. It is more of a strange detachment and indifference towards it. I recently discussed this with a trans* man and he told me only those who experience true gender dysphoria are non-cis. So, I started imagining my life as a female (assigned male at birth) and it just made so much sense. It fit. It fit what I want to be, how I feel, how I behave. Suddenly, something like gender, which I didn't care about before, became so right and important. But again, I am really going 'meh' on my current gender. I am used not to fulfill roles, so it doesn't bother me that much. The question is, is this any reason to consider being female? Or does my experience undermine the struggle people with true gender dysphoria feel? After all, I hope not to belittle anyone's hardships.

And secondly, I realize that gender and sexual/romantic orientation are two (three? four?) different things, so I could imagine that I could be female and still adhere to a dislike of the male gender. Please, I don't want to insult anyone, so don't take this personally. I just feel like the male gender expression is something I am hardly drawn towards, while the female is one I really admire and aspire to. If you feel good about expressing yourself as male, please do so. It is just highly unlikely I could build up a romantic relationship with a male person. But overall, the problem is, if I where cis, this could maybe explain a admiration for the Sapphian. It's really little to no sexual attraction (so I doubt it is male lesbian voyeurism), but more a feeling of identifying/ wishing for the emotional bond I see in female-female couples. Still, it might be and I am just misinterpreting the signs. I also wish not to anger trans* lesbians, since many of them are faced with a many-facetted accusation of the "male wanting to date lesbian"-fallacy. So, I hope you can accept my apologies. I am just confused.

Hi Alexandra 

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Hugs

V M

Hi Alexandra!

I don't believe there is a one-size-fits-all level or manifestation of gender dysphoria. Some people seem to have dealt with it their whole lives. Others may have only clued in to it much later. I think the more important question is: How does it affect you? That's all that really matters. Only you can arrive at a label for yourself and that label can change over time as you work through things. If you decide that your dysphoria/uneasiness/place in the universe would be better by transitioning, then perfect! If not, then that is also perfect. As long as you dig deep and find these answers for yourself (and my oh my a good gender therapist can definitely help with that!) then progress has been made.

Also, while gender identity and sexual orientation are distinct things and separate, they can intersect. For instance, I am bisexual but I have no desire to be with anybody at all while presenting as a man. When I imagine myself in the female role with men and women that excites me. So it is my choice to wait until I am comfortable with my gender expression as female to begin dating again.

Welcome and I hope to see you around!


xoxoxo
Alyssa

Big hello waves, from the non-binary corner.

You have questioned your gender, and have decided that it feels like it is incorrect - but you're ambivalent about the gender you were assigned. That's all ok, simply questioning is a sign that you indeed are somewhere on our spectrum. Two days, two years, two lifetimes. Makes no difference, if the idea even crossed the mind of a cis person, it would instinctively be refuted, and not explored.

It's a popular misconception that you either hate your birth assignment, or need to have strong dysphoria to be trans. That, quite simply is not the case.

My identity is non-binary in many ways - feminine in care, thought, nurture, empathy and connection and agender for the remainder - feeling seperate, apart from the masculine, able to view it as a third party bystander; to the extent that I can play translator between the binary genders- which really throws most folk.

I am a Demi girl. The female is consistent. The agender is consistent and constant, although the sand shifts between the two with regards to the strength of what I feel - so there is some possible fluidity there.

My orientation is such that I'm attracted to women, and not men, at all - infact as I've progressed down my self discovery, my dysphoria shows in my attitude to my outie - it feels oddly disconnected, ignored by my head, gets in the way, is uncomfortable, and it smells 'wrong' - thankfully for me, most of this can be managed.

Welcome to Susan's, keep asking questions, sit down, chat a while and explore how you feel with a therapist.

Do you belong here ? Unequivocally yes. Are you trans? Possibly, but only you can decide that for yourself.

(Hugs)


Rowan

Quote from: Sno on May 17, 2018, 06:05:28 AM
Big hello waves, from the non-binary corner.

You have questioned your gender, and have decided that it feels like it is incorrect - but you're ambivalent about the gender you were assigned. That's all ok, simply questioning is a sign that you indeed are somewhere on our spectrum. Two days, two years, two lifetimes. Makes no difference, if the idea even crossed the mind of a cis person, it would instinctively be refuted, and not explored.

It's a popular misconception that you either hate your birth assignment, or need to have strong dysphoria to be trans. That, quite simply is not the case.

My identity is non-binary in many ways - feminine in care, thought, nurture, empathy and connection and agender for the remainder - feeling seperate, apart from the masculine, able to view it as a third party bystander; to the extent that I can play translator between the binary genders- which really throws most folk.

I am a Demi girl. The female is consistent. The agender is consistent and constant, although the sand shifts between the two with regards to the strength of what I feel - so there is some possible fluidity there.

My orientation is such that I'm attracted to women, and not men, at all - infact as I've progressed down my self discovery, my dysphoria shows in my attitude to my outie - it feels oddly disconnected, ignored by my head, gets in the way, is uncomfortable, and it smells 'wrong' - thankfully for me, most of this can be managed.

Welcome to Susan's, keep asking questions, sit down, chat a while and explore how you feel with a therapist.

Do you belong here ? Unequivocally yes. Are you trans? Possibly, but only you can decide that for yourself.

(Hugs)


Rowan

Thank you, Rowan. At this point, I don't know how to respond to your fascinating reply, but I am very thankful for it.

Quote from: Alyssa Bree on May 16, 2018, 07:49:17 PM
Hi Alexandra!

I don't believe there is a one-size-fits-all level or manifestation of gender dysphoria. Some people seem to have dealt with it their whole lives. Others may have only clued in to it much later. I think the more important question is: How does it affect you? That's all that really matters. Only you can arrive at a label for yourself and that label can change over time as you work through things. If you decide that your dysphoria/uneasiness/place in the universe would be better by transitioning, then perfect! If not, then that is also perfect. As long as you dig deep and find these answers for yourself (and my oh my a good gender therapist can definitely help with that!) then progress has been made.

Also, while gender identity and sexual orientation are distinct things and separate, they can intersect. For instance, I am bisexual but I have no desire to be with anybody at all while presenting as a man. When I imagine myself in the female role with men and women that excites me. So it is my choice to wait until I am comfortable with my gender expression as female to begin dating again.

Welcome and I hope to see you around!


xoxoxo
Alyssa

Thank you, Alyssa. Sadly, I live in a very conservative area, so it'll be hard to find aedequate gender therapists that have some expertise in the matter. But it feels good to hear that having a "typical" trans story is not a condition for searching for your identity.

Quote from: AlexandraHamilton on May 17, 2018, 08:43:38 AM
Thank you, Rowan. At this point, I don't know how to respond to your fascinating reply, but I am very thankful for it.

You're welcome hon, it's a pleasure.

Rowan