My wife and her mom are going to aqua zumba, usually i go with them but tonight i wanted to go see the priest of the church we go to because i consider them a friend and trustworthy. I want to go to see if i can talk out with somebody my feelings and what she thinks i can do. Well my wife wanted to know why i am going to talk to her, and i couldnt tell her... mostly because i do not know how to put it into words. Now shes upset because she wants to know and i cant tell her. She asked me*jokingly, i guess* if i wanted to get a sex change and be a girl, and all i could do is laugh a bit. I am unsure of what to tell her, that won't end our lives right here.

Quote from: DraconisTiff on May 16, 2018, 05:11:21 PM
My wife and her mom are going to aqua zumba, usually i go with them but tonight i wanted to go see the priest of the church we go to because i consider them a friend and trustworthy. I want to go to see if i can talk out with somebody my feelings and what she thinks i can do. Well my wife wanted to know why i am going to talk to her, and i couldnt tell her... mostly because i do not know how to put it into words. Now shes upset because she wants to know and i cant tell her. She asked me*jokingly, i guess* if i wanted to get a sex change and be a girl, and all i could do is laugh a bit. I am unsure of what to tell her, that won't end our lives right here.

I have little relationship experience, but if I were you, I'd ask her what she loves about you. Why she married you. Those points have a high chance of not being causally related to your assigned sex. So, I'd imagine asking her afterwards if any of these points were related to your (birth assigned) gender could be a way to bring up the topic. If she loves you for the person you are, she will continue to love you when more of what you are becomes apparent.

In my case, I simply asked my wife, "Would you still want me if I had my genitals sliced up and remade into a vagina?" So far the jury is still out on whether our marriage will survive, but she's really doing her best to accept and support me.

Of course a more subtle approach might be better for most people. ;-)

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Quote from: ReplacementSarah on May 16, 2018, 05:56:01 PM
In my case, I simply asked my wife, "Would you still want me if I had my genitals sliced up and remade into a vagina?" So far the jury is still out on whether our marriage will survive, but she's really doing her best to accept and support me.

Of course a more subtle approach might be better for most people. ;-)

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Well Draconi's transition and identity seems to revolve more about the gender expression than the genital reassignment. I'd just guess that from her picturing the social/personal emotional fallout. That doesn't have to mean anything, I know. But I believe that Your approach is not exactly suitable for what I imagine her main concern is.

That is a difficult situation. On one hand you will eventually need to be 100% honest with her. On the other hand you may not be ready to come out. If you do come out to her keep your cool, this will be a shock to her. Whatever she says now may not be the final outcome. It will be a huge shock to her and she may be more accepting in time.

Sounds like she suspects something already..

Look it's always hard to tell which way a partner is going to go. Some take it well, many don't.

The only thing I would say is the longer you go without telling them the more they will feel lied to and the more hurt they will be when you finally come out.

Additionally they will be able to tell your hiding something from them.. that in itself will put more stress on your relationship.

I have always found communication is very important because otherwise people make assumptions and sometimes those assumptions can actually be worse then the truth.


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I agree that the longer you make her wait and worry the more she is going to feel lied to. It may be time to design your approach to that conversation because you may find yourself having the talk when you are less than ready otherwise if she gets super concerned and continually presses you. I would simply start with all of the amazing things about your relationship, everything you love about her, then how none of that will ever change and then sidestep into the meat of the matter. Best wishes.


xoxoxo
Alyssa

Hello all. My first post at Susan's.
I too have the same issue. How to tell my wife. I've been feminizing for a couple of months with herbals. I had my first session with a LGBTQ counselor last night. This was one of our topics of discussion.
My wife works full time and is stressed at work right now. I want to avoid adding more stress right now. Our relationship has been better since I began feminizing. I am more in tune with her feelings.
Looking for suggestions.
TY
GG