You're really living quite an adventure there girl! Not so long ago I remember you being terrified to tell your dad, and now you're telling store employees. Way to go!

aw, very nice update! aside from where you almost died... I had a big smile on my face after reading about TJ Maxx! I'm glad you're having good luck while shopping! I haven't been able to find anything good lately. and like you, my weight is also stuck. It's been going up and down between 192 and 196 since december, I really need to be more strict with myself

Quote from: zirconia on May 15, 2018, 09:23:14 PM
Hi, Ellie

Quote from: Roll on May 15, 2018, 07:38:57 PM
On the way out I grabbed some absolutely gorgeous earrings, gold and silver with... uhhh, wasn't zirconia but something similar, I forget.

Are you quite sure?
(#^.^#)

LOL

OMG the story of the day....  !!!!! That was something!

And being treated that well.... amazing experience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's awesome!

Sorry to hear about your traffic struggles.  You'll find that to be way more common than we would like.  I love your story from TJ Maxx.  Good for you getting so brave.  You are really starting to flower into your true self.  It's slaving how fast time goes by when you aren't miserable [emoji16]

Well. This is not a post I thought I'd ever have to make. You think life is all rainbows, roses, and sunshine for a single moment, it finds a way to quickly dispel that illusion.

So, my step-mother has cancer. Don't have full details yet, but it does not sound good. Still waiting on biopsy, but the colonoscopy was pretty unambiguous. I wasn't supposed to find out yet, but I was signing for a package and she didn't realize I was still there I guess and she switched from a business conference call she had headphones in for to a brief call with a nurse or someone for scheduling. I immediately made her aware I had accidentally overheard her, not going to keep that hidden. She's fairly young and in pretty good health, so the odds are in her favor for sure, but... well, it sounded like the mass was large.

I'm still processing it a bit. It's not like it was with my mom for sure, I don't know that I really see her in that parental way, but we have definitely become good friends and she has been amazing and supportive with transition. Mostly I am terrified for my sister. She is only 17, about to turn 18 and head off to college in the fall. For her to have this dumped in her lap while she is still under close watch for moles for her skin stuff herself... no one should have to go through that. And then my step brother as well, who is so lost and desperate right now, struggling to figure out how to survive in a world he's just not well equipped for...

I was very straight forward with her when we talked after she got off the conference call: My role in this is to support her, my dad, my sister, and my step brother in any way possible, no matter what form that may take. If that includes making myself a bit scarce for her to spend time with her biological kids, that's fine. It's not about me. I've been through this once already, I know what to expect as much as can be possible, as obviously there are always varying circumstances. Mostly, I'm worried about everyone else.

I dunno. I don't have anything else to add to that, I just needed to get this off my chest.

oh no! I'm sorry, I hope everything goes ok and she overcomes it!

I feel like she has the odds in her favor. Young enough, in good health, etc. But the toll it takes even with a positive outcome is so great... I really worry for my sister. :/

Anyway, better news. To a degree the revelation earlier spurred this tonight. I went to go out to eat and see Deadpool 2, and for the first time outside of the house aside from a few walks with dog, I wore my women's pants. I also kept my trans pin on the entire time, instead of taking it on and off like I have been doing at point. Sort of had a you only live once reminder kick in the pants... the girl pants! .... Okay, that didn't exactly make sense, but you know what I mean.

So literally tonight the only article of non expressly women's clothing I was wearing was a t-shirt, and t-shirts are t-shirts.

Unfortunately, I learned I can't really wear those pants until I start carrying a purse. NO POCKETS SUCKS.

Hi Ellie,

   LOL on the pockets. Welcome to the female world.

  I am sorry to hear about your step mom. You are right your roll is to support her and others. Cancer is a scary word always. It is scary for those that do not have it themselves. Treatments are getting better all the time. There is plenty of reason to hope. As I am sure you know I am a three time survivor so far and I had kidney cancer which is one of the bad ones. It does not respond well to either radiation or chemo. And yet I have proven them wrong twice. I have not died like they said I would. I go for tests again on Monday to see if it's still gone.  There is hope.
  Perhaps that bit of my story can help you support yourself and those others you spoke of. Maybe it will help your stepmother and even your dad.

Hugs and more hugs,
  (officially) Laurie

Ellie, I will send positive thoughts your way for your step mom

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

Quote from: Laurie on May 17, 2018, 10:47:03 PM
Hi Ellie,

   LOL on the pockets. Welcome to the female world.

  I am sorry to hear about your step mom. You are right your roll is to support her and others. Cancer is a scary word always. It is scary for those that do not have it themselves. Treatments are getting better all the time. There is plenty of reason to hope. As I am sure you know I am a three time survivor so far and I had kidney cancer which is one of the bad ones. It does not respond well to either radiation or chemo. And yet I have proven them wrong twice. I have not died like they said I would. I go for tests again on Monday to see if it's still gone.  There is hope.
  Perhaps that bit of my story can help you support yourself and those others you spoke of. Maybe it will help your stepmother and even your dad.

Hugs and more hugs,
  (officially) Laurie

I think the experience of others helps a lot, certainly you and others are living proof of the fact that treatment has come so far (and the stats are certainly still weighted down by years past). I wish I could say I had less experience with cancer myself. Unfortunately, this is not my first rodeo by any stretch of the imagination, with my earlier reference to "once before" being more the parental type figure. :/ My mom was the big one of course, and her ovarian-peritoneal was late stage 3 if not stage 4 when it was discovered... I couldn't admit it at the time, but that fight was over before anyone even knew it had started. The surprise was how quickly it happened (they said 3-5 years minimum, she didn't make it 2). My aunt had terrible stomach cancer, and managed to survive by the grace of god. My sister in law as well, had an extremely rare and deadly form of breast cancer when my nephews were still little kids. That was another miracle.

Sorry girlfriend.  I don't have any experience (thank god), with me or family and cancer.  All I can add is you seem to understand and are compassionate.  I know you will do, all involved, right by your actions.  Stay strong and trust your instincts.
Julie

I'm so sorry about your step mom. I wish I knew what to say. Stay strong, and keep supporting her as best you can.

I'm so sorry to hear all that... 
One of my close relatives had cancer as well - 2 times - but survived......! He had some hard time though...! But survived. There's still hope you know...!

That must be hard on your sister though  !

Hugs........................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BIG HUGS from me as well , not that tight the nips hurt!!!! So far no one in my close relatives have succumbed apart from my Aunty wit a few skin melanomas , but that was life style induced . Best wishes XXX.
As for you girl keep doing what your doing as it looks like its working. PS. get a shoulder bag , my mum gave me an old well worn brown one and it could pass as a man bag. Use it for work and its a bit Mary Poppins with enough room + for lunch box in the one 1/2. 

A tough few days regarding the cancer issue, but still really waiting to see the results of stuff on Tuesday. :/ My sister still doesn't know yet, they were going to tell her Friday after finals (they didn't want to distract her from them), but she had a great day on Friday and they didn't want to ruin it because my sister rarely has days she says are just great. Unfortunately, they put it off last night as well, and I worry they will take this too far out delaying and only wind up making it more painful they didn't tell her sooner. Not to mention since everyone else knows, by design or chance (me mostly there), she may feel it was a conspiracy to keep it from her.

Anyway, on to far, far better news! So, I met with my old friend yesterday. The one whose address I found, was nervous about sending a letter, then worked up the nerve to send the letter, etc. I thought it may be awkward, I wondered if I'd recognize him, if he'd recognize me, etc. Lot of anxiety going into it, so I spent way too much money buying dumb stuff at TJ Maxx and Walmart beforehand.

Well, we wound up meeting at this diner place at 2. Well, recognition not an issue. He looks like he is still 20 but someone put grey in his hair (he is only 37, but his dad grayed early too). Made me think of where Saturday Night Live will just take a random 25-30 year old and age them up by putting on a slightly grey wig, with no thought to using makeup or anything so they just look like people who are young with grey hair. Anyway, we talked a bit, ate lunch, then kept just sitting there kind of talking. Suddenly looked at the clock.... IT WAS SEVEN O CLOCK. We talked for five hours like it was nothing. About dumb stuff, about important stuff, you name it. So then we went and got dinner too just down the road, and talked there for another hour and a half. The only reason we sort of cut it short even was that it was getting dark and I'm not very comfortable driving in the dark, and didn't really know that area (it's sort of in a weird spot).

So yeah. We literally just talked for 6 and a half hours. I had a salad with grilled chicken and some blue cheese left over from lunch, and now I have no idea if its still even safe to eat we talked so long.

One big thing we talked about... He's thinking about trying to go to med school, and is nervous he's doing it too late. So I was able to tell him my recent experience with nurse practitioners and doctors still working on stuff in their 50s and even 60s, and that it's really not that uncommon. So he's going to talk to my dad some for some advice on the best path for him to take with everything, and my dad is more than happy to give him a letter of recommendation and all that. So that made me happy that catching up aside the meeting may help him out in his life.

Edit: OH! It actually slipped my mind because it felt so normal. So for the first time when I went out yesterday I was wearing bra and then woman's shirt over a t-shirt as a jacket (sort of neutral looking, but still definitely feminine) complete with my little pin on the collar. Had a funny moment where I thought someone grabbed me from behind but I realized it was the bra.

 Another great encounter for you Ellie. You are just moving right along aren't you? I trust you will be full time and loving it by the time I get out that way again. There will be no "No's" accepted then either. Do you hear me girl?  Well? I love reading these good happenings with you.
  I would have to agree about your sister being told. Postponing it too much can cause hurt feeling and/or much trouble. Now that finals are over , I would think it was time she be told.
  I'm sorry there hasn't been good news yet about your Aunt. Let's hope there is good news to come. As I and others have said there are reasons to hope.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: Laurie on May 20, 2018, 01:05:14 PM
Another great encounter for you Ellie. You are just moving right along aren't you? I trust you will be full time and loving it by the time I get out that way again. There will be no "No's" accepted then either. Do you hear me girl?  Well? I love reading these good happenings with you.
  I would have to agree about your sister being told. Postponing it too much can cause hurt feeling and/or much trouble. Now that finals are over , I would think it was time she be told.
  I'm sorry there hasn't been good news yet about your Aunt. Let's hope there is good news to come. As I and others have said there are reasons to hope.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Definitely none of my scared no's next time! My regret over that by the way was probably one of my big spurs for recent changes.

(Also, just quick aside it is my step-mother, not aunt.)

Quote from: Roll on May 20, 2018, 04:10:39 PM
Definitely none of my scared no's next time! My regret over that by the way was probably one of my big spurs for recent changes.

(Also, just quick aside it is my step-mother, not aunt.)

I knew I should have double checked. I am easily confused these days. Sometimers y'know? Sorry.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Ellie, I am sorry about your Mom and Step Mother. I hope your Step Mother responds well to treatment.

I really love reading your thread. You are making so much progress, it is wonderful.