Hi, I've been using this site for some time now looking up information and cant find answers to everything so I decided to make an account and post.

Dont know really how to start so I guess I'll give some info. My parents have always been the religious type of people, being gay and what not is wrong and you're going to hell. So I always tried to hide the fact that I liked men from my parents. I've always had girl as friends, and loved being one of them, playing dress up and with dolls. but as you know as you get older you have to accept theres a difference from guys and girls and have to follow the manly rules.

Well I thought maybe it was because I was gay that I was like that, but then we got computers and access to the internet and I've read information, and learned maybe its not just because I was gay. I've never really liked being a guy in the first place, and would easily give up, but I dont really have the money to do that, and its kinda hard to tell your parents.

Well I was very anti social and school my entire life but when I got into high school I met lots of diff. people and relized not everyone is like my parents, I kept in contact with some friends after high school, and went to college, I figured I could go to a quick trade school, make money and pay for a therapist and change. Well cause of events that didn't happen, and I felt I was going to be stuck here forever and never get to even see a therapist, never tell anyone about. So, I prolly made a stupid choice and joined the air force, figured I could just go there and possibly get killed.

I'm 21 now, and talked to some friends and told them I was gay, apparently I'm not well at hiding and they all figured I was. well my mom now has a gay friend and is a bit more opened minded so I told her I was gay and she is fine with it. I figured well if its fine with everyone knowing that, maybe I could tell them more. Well I told my friends first and they all support me, they said if changing genders makes me happy then do it. I'm glade they support me, cause its better than giving up and putting an end to my life.

Well I told my mom, and she is really against it and at first was against me going to the military, now she says it will be good for me cause it can change my mind and make me into a man cause i'll have male influence. Well reading lots of peoples points of view, I know that doesnt work.

Sorry this is kinda long, i'm a chatty person   anyways, I felt maybe it was a bad choice going to the air force now because I didnt think anyone would support me before, now I know they will and I want to talk to a therapist, but I cant while in the military. Heres what I wanted to see if anyone could answer.

I have signed up for 4 years, and have to 4 years later be in reserve. I figure I can save money this way, since I couldnt where I currently worked. after the 4 years i'll have enough, if the doctor says I'm transgender and lets me puts me on hormones, what will happen while i'm in the reserves? Can I be court martialed? Will I just be kicked and lose my benefits? i'm ok with being kick and lose benefits, i'll have money saved so i dont need them to pay. I'm mainly worried about going to prison. Should I wait out the 4 reserved years? I have read that some people have stayed in the military while transitioning? Is this very rare? I have been told the democrates are for the LGBT issue, could the dont ask dont tell policy really be changed, and maybe the military be accepting? I really dont mind serving, I think it could even be fun, alot of people I know say they loved the military, and if I could transition while in reserver, I really wouldnt mind doing that. Sorry to keep going on like this, I just need advice maybe from ex military or people who understand it better than me. thanks for taking the time and reading this.

i don't know much at all about the military, and i'm only the SO of an FTM. but i have a thought, that could maybe give you another perspective. --i dont want to seem insensitive, so ill say, i understand that it would be important, both mentally, and physically to start trasitioning as soon as possible... but, if you waited until after the reserves, you could always invest the money that you are saving, and let it grow for that time. i mean, sure ... it's a short period of time, but... any bit of growth when it comes to money is good. then not only might you have enough to afford the transition, but to maintain a life afterwards even--and perhaps live a little more comfortably. plus, then you wouldn't have to worry so much about getting in trouble, or your benefits so much, which i'm sure could help you in the long run.

i dont know. again, i didn't really answer your question,so sorry.. i just sort of figured it wouldnt hurt to offer an idea.

i hope whatever you chose to do, goes well for you.

I'm sure if I thought about it long enough I might, might - be able to think of a worse place to transistion then the military, perhaps the Westborough Baptist Church - but 8 years is a long, long time.

You would have to check the UCMJ (universal code of military justice) to find out if its a court martial offense, (having a gay relationship is) but they can kick you out for other reasons. 

If you are talking U.S. military, from what I was told, yes, you could be court martialed.

You have done something to your body that invalidates your contract. They can nail you with that for almost anything really, but this would be completely voluntary, so they would likely go after you for it. What would they do? That I cannot answer. I assume the second 4 years is actually only inactive reserve, which would be less of a problem, which depending on your career may or may not get you called back, most people never get re-activated, but what if you did, you could no longer serve in the capacity you enlisted with.

As for your mom, I would say she is wrong, it will not help make you a man. In fact if you have any transgender issues (and obviously you do) the military is probably not the best idea. I repressed my true self when I went in and for a while, yes it made me a normal man, for a bit. After a few years though, people around me started to notice I was not "just one of the guys". You may be able to hide better, you may not. You have to remember you will be spending a lot of time with these people.  If you are sent overseas, you will be spending a lot more time with them. So much so, that you will know them better than their family and spouses.

While they may be your friends, just having them wonder makes things strained at best. You rely on those people, and when they find you hid something serious, they will not be happy about it.

thats the thing I'm mainly worried about, I don't want to be court-martialed, and yes I mean U.S. I heard about active and inactive, I didn't know there was two different ones till today actually. I guess I could ask my recruiter, I haven't left for basic yet even, I'm leaving next month.

I would love it if the military would change its point of view, and I could open. I wouldn't mind not hiding serious things from people if I know they wouldn't freak and try to get me in trouble. I just hear lots of things of how people react towards others when you are with elitist military, I don't really want to get beat up and stuff because someone doesn't understand. I'll look up the UCMJ and see if I can find any info that might help thanks.

Recruiters will lie to you about it to be honest. They get credit for you joining regardless of how things work out later.

Here is the relevant section:

Quote915. ART 115. MALINGERING
Any person subject to this chapter who for the purpose of avoiding work, duty, or service--
(1) feigns illness, physical disablement, mental lapse or derangement; or
(2) intentionally inflects self-injury;
shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.

As far as they will be concerned that is what you will be doing.


There is also something about false pretenses while signing up as well, but I cannot find anything on it.

I'm looking up info now, its kinda stupid considering I wouldn't be doing it to avoid work, duty, or service, I would work and see a therapist if they'd let me. Would hormones be considered self injury?

By the way Vant, please don't take this as me trying to keep you out.

Some of the rules and laws concerning the military suck and are dated. Learning some of their rules and things was the only thing that kept me out of serious trouble more than once. I just don't want to see you walk into a potentially bad situation. I am not saying the people you work with will be violent, but the military is far from the most forgiving place.

Maybe armed with that specific part of the UCMJ, you and your recruiter, can get some documentation or something in writing from a military lawyer that explains the situation and keeps you from getting into trouble should something happen. Maye a prior case showing precedence. Remember in the military you are guilty until proven innocent.

By the way, what benefits are you worried about losing? If you are inactive reserve or completely discharged these days you get pretty much nothing other than G.I. Bill last I checked. You can get some medical under certain conditions, but it can be difficult even getting those.

Posted on: March 21, 2008, 01:03:16 AM

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Quote from: Vanth on March 21, 2008, 02:01:54 AM
I'm looking up info now, its kinda stupid considering I wouldn't be doing it to avoid work, duty, or service, I would work and see a therapist if they'd let me. Would hormones be considered self injury?

It would at the least raise questions. How do you expect them to work around it though, if you are clearly changing gender, and you have to share a room or a bathroom.

The military is just not equipped to handle transgendered people.

Since being transsexual is a recognised medical condition, I would say your best bet is to argue for a discharge on medical grounds once you get some backup from a therapist. Or three.

Posted on: 21 March 2008, 01:12:07

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Oh! And welcome, BTW!

Yeah, thats true. thanks for taking time and looking up that stuff and talking. I'm sure once I spend a few years in service I'll have a better understanding, and I can look at my options then, maybe I'll get lucky and meet some trusting people I can call friends in the military. Only time will tell I suppose.

Edit:

I thought about going to a therapist in a few years *one off base, cause on base has no confidentiality* and see his/their view, after I've saved money to afford one. I really don't know what happens with being reserved, I was just told you get like half pay and can go on base and use their services.

Prices on base are no better than Walmart these days. Which is about all you will really get out of it probably.


Be VERY careful if you try the off base route with docs. All it takes is one phone call and you are in big trouble. A lot of docs will not hide anything from the base, same with a lot of businesses. Some even specifically target the military.

If you really want to do this, my advice, go for your 4 years, then if you can handle it, do another year or 2 active, that will cut significant time off of your inactive duty time (each year active removes 2 years off the end of your inactive date. I did an extra 6 months and ended up doing only 2.5 years inactive because of it (or something like that).

Get the inactive over with fast and you would be free to do what you want. On the other hand, after 6 months inactive, they have to retrain you so odds of being reactivated are slim after that, you might take the chance.

My advice, take an extra year, to cut inactive time, then after a bit, start seeing a therapist while inactive. As you get close to the end, start hrt. This way if something happens around the world that makes you nervous (you will understand that by the time you get out) you could stop without being too obvious to people. Doing this you could easily get away without without waiting the full length.


Your welcome, if you have questions feel free to pm me, I will try an answer anything I can. I have been out for a few years, but I doubt much has changed.

ok, one last question then, you said do 4 years active, and do a few more active to cut down. once the four years are up, and say I stay in active 2 years, it takes away the last two inactive off?

Oh I see, so If I did the four years, then did another one active, i'll have a year left of inactive? then while I wait around I have a chance of not even being called, so say like 3 months before that year is done, I can see a therapist and if possible start hrt.

Quote from: Vanth on March 21, 2008, 02:51:15 AM
ok, one last question then, you said do 4 years active, and do a few more active to cut down. once the four years are up, and say I stay in active 2 years, it takes away the last two inactive off?

It should, but don't quote me on it.

Posted on: March 21, 2008, 01:54:02 AM

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Extend once you are in, don't sign up for 6 years.
This way if you need out, you have a way, plus there may be a bonus for extending.

We do have a program going called stop-loss, which means, you can be in for as long as they need/want you.

The military is not about you, its about having a force to protect the nation and project power around the world.  Though in some areas it offers job training second to none, a lot of people don't get trained for anything that is practical outside of the military.  Its the military that decides that, again, not you.

And, getting out with a 'less than honorable' discharge will haunt your life.

P.S. the Air Force in particular has a very right-wing, Evangelical Christian officer class.  More so than the other branches, been court cases about it the last few years.

Good point Tekla.
I almost got hit with a 2 year stop loss as I was getting out.  I was watching them writing up orders as I was getting my discharge papers signed. It was never put into effect and I missed it by one day but still too close for comfort.

If you go in, there is no telling how long you may be stuck there, they can keep you indefinitely. I know they have let some retirees go, but I think that is all.

Vanth,

If you go into the U.S. military, any branch, you will have to face not having any intimate relationships for the time you are in. That sounds like a misery even without transitioning. You sound like a nice person but your view of life in the military sounds very naive. Please look out for yourself and really think about what you will be getting into. Plus, I don't see how you can save much money given what enlistees get paid. My very best wishes to you.

Sorry, I had work in the morning so I went to bed. It is kinda naive, thats why I have questions but I've talked to my mom's friend who's son got out a few years ago. He was put on reserve, but not active, and he doesn't have to come in once a week or anything, just sits around and enjoys his life. She told me about stop-loss, she said yes its possible, but its rare, they only do that if they really need someone in the field your in, and you get stuck being that someone. Once I've been there for a while I'll have a better understanding and can plan stuff.

I've talked to some people today, and decided I'll go for the four years and see how my reserve will work, if its not active then I'll start seeing someone after my four years and go from there. I may not have great pay, but it is better than what I make now, and after thinking about it this way would be best because it will give me training and experience that will help me find a job after I'm done, and save what ever money I can.

I know it wouldn't be possible for a relationship, but I haven't been in one for a while anyway so I'm sure I can wait, after all I'm only 21 I have lots of time to find someone.

Thanks for the replies, hopefully I'm not so naive about it any more hehe *not meaning i'm taking it offensively, I know I am* oh and sorry lady amarant I cant reply to you with PM's, says I don't have permission, and since it was a PM I don't want to bring it to the forum.

Keep in mind, you can be re-activated at any time during your inactive reserve time. I would not risk doing anything until the very end of it.

Depending on the service you can have a relationship, even a family, but depending on your career, it may not be practical.

Quote from: Vanth on March 21, 2008, 08:55:48 PM
Thanks for the replies, hopefully I'm not so naive about it any more hehe *not meaning i'm taking it offensively, I know I am* oh and sorry lady amarant I cant reply to you with PM's, says I don't have permission, and since it was a PM I don't want to bring it to the forum.

You'll be able to send and reply to PMs after you've had 15 posts. You're almost there. 

Z

I got rid of my car, I've walked a hundered miles, so they (my sons) don't give thier blood to Texico.  You make up you own mind.  But don't count on us to support you when you find out it wrong.