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Do trans men date trans women?

Started by PollyQMcLovely, April 09, 2018, 02:49:09 PM

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PollyQMcLovely

I like to daydream about going out with a trans guy. Does anyone know how common it is for this to happen IRL?
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Dani

It has happened, but not often. The problem seems to be there are many more MTF than FTM. Also, sexuality, being different than gender identity, is going to complicate any dating possibilities.

I wish you the best of wishes in finding someone who has found you.
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JudiBlueEyes

I know a MtF/FtM married couple so it can and does work.  Like any relationship you just have to find the right person. 
But now old friends they're acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day.
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SeptagonScars

Yeah some do. I keep seeing such couples on youtube sometimes, so I know it's definitely possible. And the topic was somewhat brought up in the FtM category on this forum as well, not that long ago and some there said they had been/were dating a trans woman.
Oh and yeah, my ftm ex used to date an mtf before he dated me. I'm a trans guy but gay so probably won't likely ever date a trans woman though. That's just my sexuality, but I also never say never, for whatever it's worth.
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - changed my name to John
Mar. 2010 - diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped after 1 year
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed to male
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition
Sep. 2018 - stopped taking T and changed my name to Laura
Oct. 2018 - got new ID-card

Medical Detransition plans: breast reconstruction surgery, change legal gender back to female.
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Charlie Nicki

From what I've seen online, it's very common for 2 trans people to date.
Latina :) I speak Spanish, English and a bit of Portuguese.
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Kylo

There are some on these boards who do.

But like it's been said already, a relationship based just on being trans is no more likely to be successful long term than basing it on some other outside characteristic. You need more than that to make things work for any length of time.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
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PurpleWolf


Sure it's likely to happen - as well as an ftm/ftm relationship too! If you spend a lot of your time hanging out with other trans/queer/lgbt people your chances of dating some of them (like another trans person) goes up ofc! If you mostly hang out with 'regular' cis folks, you'd be more likely to date them. It just comes down to who you spend your time with and what kind of people you surround yourself with. Same as if you move to another country, your chances of dating someone from there skyrockets!

Having a trans partner might be validating coz you two definitely know what each of you is going through. Then there might be extra complications if both of you suffer from bad dysphoria etc. Also gender/genitals might play a part - it might be weird for some people to have sex with a person who has the genitals you'd like to have yourself but don't.

Mostly though it's just about two people getting together and getting along - cis or trans.

I'm in a long relationship with a cis woman. But I'd definitely date a trans woman! To me trans women are just women like any other, so...! Why wouldn't I? I mean - I'm trans myself!  And I don't consider myself to be undatable bcos of it  ;D...!
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Maria77

When I was still part time (years and years ago) I had an ftm friend who was really hot and we both were attracted, but one of us was always dating someone else.  If I were ever single again, I would be very open to an ftm boyfriend.  I think I'm very similar to Septagon Scars in that regard.
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KathyLauren

I know a trans man and a trans woman who were a married couple until recently. :(  I also know two trans women who are getting married to each other soon.  :)

It seems to me that it's less uncommon than you would expect statistically.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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kanad3

Quote from: Dani on April 09, 2018, 04:46:27 PM
It has happened, but not often. The problem seems to be there are many more MTF than FTM. Also, sexuality, being different than gender identity, is going to complicate any dating possibilities.

I wish you the best of wishes in finding someone who has found you.
That may be the case in the US, but in Europe ftm generally outnumber mtf by 2 to 1.
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BT04

It happens more often than you think.

Unfortunately, I've seen polls on ->-bleeped-<- where a despressingly large amount of trans women admitted that they'd never date a trans man... whereas trans men were much more likely to be willing to date a trans woman.
- Seth

Ex-nonbinary trans man, married to a straight guy, still in love. Pre-T, pre-op.
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AshleyPixune

Quote from: Dani on April 09, 2018, 04:46:27 PMThe problem seems to be there are many more MTF than FTM.

This is very true... I've met a lot of people who present as a lesbian who fit the stereotypical macho male role... I often wonder if they had considered, and decided against transgender therapy.
Everyone wants to know, what does the fox say?  No one ever asks, how does the fox feel?
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Maria77

When you think about it, trans people dating other trans makes a lot of sense.  If any population can understand genitals as just some flesh, it's us.  You would hope that we could see more of a person than genitals and if feelings are mutual figure out a way to make it work.
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WolfNightV4X1

Yeah, its fairly common from my understanding

Basically, a lot of LGBT people hang out in the same spaces, and are attracted to each other physically and emotionally, as well as having that personal empathy with the idea that you're both trans despite being on the other side of the fence. Its just another way people connect to each other


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Bfp2

I see more stories about a lesbian couple where one transitions at some point, FTM.  I have seen a couple FTM/MTF stories....but it seems rare.  Although I can only talk about what I have seen on the Internet and tv.  I really just go to work and home....I think I'm a hermit.  At least the her part fits :-).
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Translady

There are quite a few couples in news stories that I've come across on the internet.
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Evienne

I would actually love to know what the statistical numbers are on this. I have seen a fair share of stories through media about couples like these, but I really don't know how common it is, but I sure would like to know.

Recently I kinda got into the band Steam Powered Giraffe and I know in one of their songs "Malfunction" they briefly show one such couple in it. I've also seen stories about it on 20/20, I've heard of it happening on the radio, and I've seen articles on interweb news sites. So it seems to be happening, the question again is just how often?
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Ticking Time bomb: 533 days
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ChristineHaylett

Yes trans date in fact I'm married to a trans man

I'm a post op trans women and I'm married to a pre op trans man, we are very happy together as he can relate to my problems even doe his going the opposite way. His such a gentleman and protective of me just the other day I caught him having a fight with a couple of people who came to the house to hurt me, he had no idea I was watching from upstairs, my hero in shining armour.

When we first got together he told me he was trans too but choice not to transition at that time as he was worried about the side effects and family issues,  his past that now and has made it to real life experience. I only wish i could go back to our wedding day and put him into a tux.

Now his finally full time I feel so proud to be his wife and hold his arm in public, his my dream man.

Happiness can be found x.

We been friends for 6 years.
Together for 3 years
Married for 2 years
Madly in love still.

Ps I need to update my profile pic, that's him next to me before his real-life x
You will only be truly happy when you learn to accept yourself.
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Amaki

It may seem funny now but I actually know a couple that where straight they where happy with each over, but unhappy with themselves, they both transitioned to the opposite and are still together. Its not uncommon and when it comes to relationships ultimately it all depends on who can physically, mentally and spiritually complete you.


And yes I wouldnt tell my friends this but I have thought about it, if we both are happy what does it matter lol.

Quote from: ChristineHaylett on May 26, 2018, 05:16:54 PM
Yes trans date in fact I'm married to a trans man

I'm a post op trans women and I'm married to a pre op trans man, we are very happy together as he can relate to my problems even doe his going the opposite way. His such a gentleman and protective of me just the other day I caught him having a fight with a couple of people who came to the house to hurt me, he had no idea I was watching from upstairs, my hero in shining armour.

When we first got together he told me he was trans too but choice not to transition at that time as he was worried about the side effects and family issues,  his past that now and has made it to real life experience. I only wish i could go back to our wedding day and put him into a tux.

Now his finally full time I feel so proud to be his wife and hold his arm in public, his my dream man.

Happiness can be found x.

We been friends for 6 years.
Together for 3 years
Married for 2 years
Madly in love still.

Ps I need to update my profile pic, that's him next to me before his real-life x

btw that is amazing, Im glad you both are happy. Did those 'thugs' that came to your place know he was trans to? I can't stand people like that (it also scares me more than anything to think people will think like that about me as well even without knowing me... ).
If life is too short for what ifs, than way do they always strike at the worse times.

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The journey may not be new but its a new journey.

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8 Jun 2018- VA is working with me to move forward
11 Jul 2018 - consultation with Psych doctor
14 Jul 2018 - Dad confronted me...
7 Aug 2018 - Started HRT
25 Oct 2018 - Started Speech Therapy
24 Apr 2019 - Official name is Sophia Lee Bell

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DustKitten

The last three people I went out with were all trans men; the first two are dating each other now. So, for me, it feels like I have trouble finding cis people to date.  :)

I was actually once told (by one of the aforementioned trans men) that I was "too cis" for him to be with me, which really hurt at the time, because I'd already come out to him and he kept calling me a guy anyway.
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