Quote from: 4A-GZE on April 29, 2018, 06:50:00 PM
Damn, are these women's sizes? I'm lucky if I can find a men's 11 1/2 that fits comfortably.

All my stuff comes from Trademe in NZ. It's all 2nd hand, so if it does not fit then out it goes.


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I went over to fix my uncle's computer, he has come around since I transitioned my aunt his sister talked to him, I found him staring at my chest than he asked are they real I replied they are to small to be fake so what do you think. Awkward
He was telling me about my father, I found out that my father works at one of my favorite restaurants so I will no longer be eating there anyone.I have not spoken to my father in almost 18 years now he does not even know I tranistioned I don't think.

I've been in a desperate scramble for button down or zip up tops that fit and are comfortable for upcoming transplants (need a few days worth to wear since can't pull stuff over head). I've had some limited success but for the most part everything I order online is way, way too small because Chinese sizing.

So I found an AMAZING shirt at TJ Maxx earlier. It's a Calvin Klein Button down, color "spiced berry". It's the PERFECT color for me and is amazingly soft. Unfortunately, they had it on the wrong size hanger and I didnt think to check the tag. Was trying to get an XL to wear as outerwear too and just be loose and comfortable, but it was a frickin' small. So unhappy. But... happy because I KNOW ITS OUT THERE. I just have to find it. If anyone has any ideas, let me know!

I got my levels tested today and my E was only at 47 pg/ml even though I was on a standard dose of oral estradiol, which made me unhappy but I started injections today which makes me happy because maybe the low levels were caused by my metabolism. I also started the SRS process by making appointments for a second psych referral letter, a social worker visit and blood tests (they check for hep and HIV, drug use and nicotine among other standard health stuff).

At today's doctor visit, a new nurse asked me "when was your last pap smear?".
I had to answer.

We will have a little get-together with our team this weekend and I like being with them very much, they are a great bunch of people. The problem is that I'm finding it very difficult emotionally to revert back to guy clothes and appearance and that ruins my mood. I almost considered canceling the event just to be myself the whole weekend but I won't.

Sunshine, day off, great turn out for HD Sportster meet, bike running great
Pain from leg ulcer meant I was unable to go on run & went home

Well this is my first birthday as Natalie I am very happy and sad just bringing up so many emotions. Feeling ugly fat stupid today annoyed with myself feeling like I don't look feminine at all

Spent yesterday and the day before moving out suddenly. We were evicted. On the plus side Randi didn't misgender me even once and always referred to me as "Dee" when talking to others.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

Dee I hope you get sorted ASAP. Good luck

Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on May 27, 2018, 09:36:11 AM
Well this is my first birthday as Natalie I am very happy and sad just bringing up so many emotions. Feeling ugly fat stupid today annoyed with myself feeling like I don't look feminine at all

Happy Birthday Natalie!

For what it is worth, I think you look lovely. You are wonderfully feminine and I hope you find one thing that makes your birthday good for you.

One good thing was figuring out if I want to go to a concert by myself in October. I do! And once I get paid this week, I will be!

Bad thing? My anxiety was a bit overactive this morning and I spent most of the morning curled up in bed feeling panicky and sad and worried about a lot of things. It was a nice to have today off to try and turn those feeling off for a little while.

Quote from: SarahMarie1987 on May 27, 2018, 06:20:42 PM
Happy Birthday Natalie!

For what it is worth, I think you look lovely. You are wonderfully feminine and I hope you find one thing that makes your birthday good for you.

Thank you for your sweet words they did make my day as well as soon as I read them. I did have a better day than the way it started

Well, last night actually    I was looking at my gray hairs and it was driving me mad, MAD I tell you!!! LOL

So I road my bike to the store but they didn't have my usual hair color and most of the other brands had gone up in price    But they did have another color that looked alright at a close out price

So I bought it and road home and did it up - To my surprise it came out really nice    YAY!!! No more gray!!! ... For awhile anyway

Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on May 27, 2018, 11:08:30 PM
Thank you for your sweet words they did make my day as well as soon as I read them. I did have a better day than the way it started

You are very welcome!

The good stuff? I have more information about housing and disability assistance for me. Which is good. Kind of hoping it goes well enough to where I can move out by the end of this year. I also bought a ticket for a concert.

The bad stuff? Still dealing with anxiety over... well everything. It does feel hard some days to get out of bed and face the world when I am super anxious about everything. But I am trying to get better at dealing with it.

I passed in a women's sauna, even speaking.

I came in wearing a bikini and quickly noticed that everyone was nude except one woman wearing bottoms. That made me feel out of place so I took my top off.

I also noticed that I'm not turned on by nude women in non-sexual situations. Considering adding demisexual to myself definition even though I need to take care of my needs nearly as much as I did in my 20's. On the whole just kind of a "huh?" experience.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

A few days ago I found a note in my mailbox from an admirer telling me that I look nice and sexy. (The good?)

Now I'm somewhat flattered but my first thought was that I'm not nice. At least I don't want to be nice. Being nice didn't do me any good in the past. Sexy? Do you have eyes? (The Bad)

Second thought, maybe it's a joke someone is playing on me... (The ugly)

Ask I was leaving a convenience store a voice said "hello, beautiful".

He had to be at least 80. I think he had cataracts too!

[emoji3]

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

On a friend's FB page, a shared political cartoon that made me cry with despair for its ominous accuracy.  And the very next post on the same friend's page, an inspiring, poetic piece she had written about the beauty of the night and of life, that made me cry for its beauty.

Being able to feel emotions: priceless!

My wife and I are going to meet that friend for the first time next week.

unhappy:

twitter friend who is a transgirl living in a homophobic islamic country got outed, committed suicide via ingestion of chemicals, underwent surgery, vital organs damages, she made it but in very critical condition


happy:

celebrated father's day with family and brother-in-law (younger sister's husband) was there and i have a big crush on him. came out to him (except the crush part >_<) and he was the sweetest, most understanding person there is