I'm starting a story line for myself to write down and ramble on with my journey.
Think it'll be good to see how I grow as a person whilst discovering many new and scary things and it'll give me something to look back on and smile/wince/cry/laugh.

I've got my GP appointment in the morning that I'm funnily ok with, as I want referring to the GIC.
I've then got a therapy session in the evening so u can clear my head a bit too.

On the spouse front my wife has gone through all sorts of emotions from grief and anger to advice on clothes and shoes, then back to sadness and so forth.
She admits the hard part is wrapping her head around it all but we're being open and honest with each other and she wants to try and support me which I think us a brave and beautiful thing.

Lets see what tomorrow brings....


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Tomorrow will bring us all one step further down the path.

You have a keeper there, it will take time to process everything, and it sounds like that's what is happening. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn on May 09, 2018, 06:25:42 PM
Tomorrow will bring us all one step further down the path.

You have a keeper there, it will take time to process everything, and it sounds like that's what is happening. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Devlyn,

I defo want to keep her that's for sure 🤞

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Well yesterday I jumped a large hurdle in my new life by going to the doctor for a referral to GIC.
I felt apprehensive bit strangely calm. Along the lines of this is a baby step let's get it done, so without wandering around the subject I sat down and the first sentence was " I'm beyond questioning my gender I know who I am and where I want to go so can you refer me on please"
He smiled asked a few questions and said that's done not a problem.
Seemed so easy

Then therapy yesterday evening and that was thought provoking but again so positive, it feels great being called by my real name & when you have a therapist agreeing readily that your transgender and wants to help in anyway she can it feels fantastic.

After a turbulent weekend my wife seems to have come round a lot which is overwhelming to be honest, she's now playing the "A woman wouldn't think twice about hoovering" sort of card & it's nice to have fun again in our relationship.
She's giving great clothes advice as apparently I'm 40 odd and not 14 lol.

I've never ventured outside dressed as Sophie, but whilst feeling so positive I'm taking not so much a step as a bloody huge leap.
I've booked a night away in London and going to a trans friendly venue for a drink or two.
This feels me with a big fear or reactions but I'm kinda thinking along the lines of hopefully my looks and styles will improve in the future so it may get easier each time.
If I get bad reactions so what I don't know them and never will, I'm writing this sentence but my mind is saying you know you'll hate bad comments....

Life feels fantastic today, it may not tomorrow but who knows.
I'm just going to enjoy the ride for now

Sophie

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Some fantastic first steps. Going out dressed in any capacity will always feel a bit scary at first but you seem to have accepted yourself, and know that its going to be a ride with a lot of ups and downs. Enjoy it because I can tell you that the positive overwhelms the negatives by a large margin. I found that journaling my random thoughts here helped a lot.

Good luck and welcome to the roller coaster...

Back at last

A LOT has happened in the last few weeks it's a bit of a whirlwind to be honest.
I've had a complete rollercoaster of a fortnight both good and bad and I'm emotionally drained & can honestly say I've never cried so much before.
On the home front with my wife it's very fragile, she's trying to support me but she's finding it difficult to come completely to terms with still, but she is willing to help which I'll take in a heartbeat. However she is adamant I can't tell anybody and if I do she will move away as she couldn't take all the fallout. She feels like a failure as a wife, and we have sat up a few nights until the early hours finding common ground. We've reached a strained agreement that I'll try and stay androgynous at home and we will go away at least every 3 weeks so I can actually be me ( not what I want but I don't want to lose my wife and kids ).
I keep telling her within the year people may notice, as I'm now with genderGP and have been told I could be on hrt within 6 to 8 weeks and I'm am way too excited at the prospect that I get butterflies just thinking about the chance to finally start finding myself.
So I'm playing it quietly but pretty sure in a year or so things maybe noticeable ie. Skin appearance and face shape, growth in other areas that is love.
I'm mostly looking forward to hopefully feeling sane and more at home in my body.
What I tell them when that happens I'm not sure.
I'm trying to get a head start with a few things and have started microdermabrasion which is fantastic and I start with laser hair removal in a few weeks too.

I'm so happy right now you could not believe, probably the happiest I can remember in absolutely years.
My wife troubles keep me awake and bring me to tears, but this is happening & I'm praying she wants to stay on the ride.

Sophie

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 As ymmv and genetics you could have a job hiding things (you know the ones) by 3 months and skin and face as well. Good luck on your trip to woman hood.

Quote from: davina61 on May 28, 2018, 01:35:52 PM
As ymmv and genetics you could have a job hiding things (you know the ones) by 3 months and skin and face as well. Good luck on your trip to woman hood.

I'm thinking the same Davina, but I'm hoping it gives my wife time to adjust/accept
I know one thing I'm female always have been, these last few months I know without doubt I can't survive as male too long.
As much as it may cause conflict I can't wait to see the real me emerging at last.

Sophie

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I'm so happy for you and know how that excitement is Even though I have my problems I still am happier now than I have ever been. Congrats on starting HRT soon and enjoy the ride.

Hugs,
          Chelsea

Hello again Sophie

I truly hope your wife comes on board in early course; just give her time and she may accept the real you as she witnesses your happiness.

Good luck also with GenderGP. They have many clients who are Susan's members aswell as you and me.

Hugs

Pamela

Really interesting thread so far, and the fun is just getting started!

Thanks for sharing, Sophie! I'm gonna bookmark this, trying to keep up with everyone blogs, but can't read through 500+ posts from some members >.<

I also like feeling like able to experience some of these things together, as a community. 

Your wife sounds very similar to my own, I think a really big thing that might help if you haven't talked or thought about it is that while you are becoming the woman you were always meant to be, you are not trying replace your wife's role in the relationship. Something like this may seem obvious at times, but that is something that I feel is really helping my wife keep it together after she found out.

And dressing out to socialize in London is like a CRAZY huge step! That sounds awesome! Never heard of GenderGP, but I guess I'll look that up, too!

Thanks for all of the kind replies, it means a lot to not feel alone.

Regarding the London trip I've had to cancel as way too busy with work.

But... Ive booked a hotel in Brighton with my wife for gay pride. Come rain or shine I'm going to present for the first time openly.

I'm scared stiff but reckon in that environment anything goes so it's as good a place as any to start.

Sophie

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OMG things are moving quickly and I'm way too excited when I should be taking things in a slow methodical way.
Who cares I could be on HRT in the next 4 to 5 weeks, and I'm seriously happier than I've been in forever.
Only my wedding and the births of my kids could bring as much joy.
I've had an information gathering session, blood tests being done now & after speaking to a lovely lady who informed me HRT is much much close than I ever dreamed.
All this and I haven't even got a letter from GIC yet after I asked for a referral from the GP.
I'm this point how long do you want to hear from the GIC once you've asked to be referred? I pan8c and worry easily and keep hoping the referrals been done.

So to sum it up I'm ecstatic right now and plan to enjoy the weekend by taking my wife out for dinner wine and lots of shots.

Sophie x

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4 to 6 weeks at least and then 2 1/2 year wait to be seen , got referred in early Jan 17 and rang them yesterday to do name change and was told would be early next year for first appointment. Still gives us time to let the HRT work and sort hair issues 

Quote from: davina61 on June 01, 2018, 12:47:50 PM
4 to 6 weeks at least and then 2 1/2 year wait to be seen , got referred in early Jan 17 and rang them yesterday to do name change and was told would be early next year for first appointment. Still gives us time to let the HRT work and sort hair issues

Hi Davina
I can take a month or so for private treatment over 3 years anytime.
The waiting time is so wrong it's actually obscene. How can they expect people to wait for over 3 years for help.
Thankyou for putting my mind at rest with regards waiting for a letter to drop through my door.
It's so sad you have to wait that long but as you said the plus side is you'll be a lot further with transition & hair growth etc.

Sophie

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Yes Sophie

Whereas I have the great respect and admiration for our UK NHS, it is sadly so underfunded for transgender care, such that the waiting times for most GICs are absolutely ridiculous. That's why like you and many other British members of Susans', I decided to go private for both therapy and HRT.

Hugs

Pamela 

Just a quick update, I've just had my first laser hair removal done on my top lip.
OMFG on the lowest setting it hurt, lots.
I kinda have thick dark beard growth so in a few sessions it should calm down, but owwww just owwww.
I thought I was ok with pain, leg waxing I don't mind at all, same with my brows.
Guess I'm a bit of a lightweight after all

Soph.

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Quote from: maybesoph on June 09, 2018, 04:28:28 AM
Just a quick update, I've just had my first laser hair removal done on my top lip.
OMFG on the lowest setting it hurt, lots.
I kinda have thick dark beard growth so in a few sessions it should calm down, but owwww just owwww.
I thought I was ok with pain, leg waxing I don't mind at all, same with my brows.
Guess I'm a bit of a lightweight after all

Soph.

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It really does hurt doesn't it! The results though will be completely worth it

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Quote from: MollyPants on June 09, 2018, 04:40:25 AM

It really does hurt doesn't it! The results though will be completely worth it

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Your not wrong with the pain, but you're right and I can't wait to start seeing results eventually

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Well this is me, getting braver now. I may only be in a vehicle but I'm getting out slowly.
I know I have so far to go and can't wait for hrt now, but this photo has got me glimpsing the future, and it feels amazing.
I've so many issues at home and not ready to come out fully as I'm respecting my wife's wishes to give her time too, just wish I could shout it from the rooftops but one day.....

I've had a bumpy week so to feel positive for once I thought I'd put a happy post up.

Sophie.

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