I've started this thread because sometimes we have something we want to talk about but don't necessarily want all the answers, many times we just want someone to listen, offer a few kind words of understanding and a hug.

It has been said that it is a very male trait to offer solutions to problems, and that can be helpful a lot of the time, but sometimes you're just not having a good day and don't want someone to jump in and offer their opinion on how to fix it.

There are some wonderful threads here offering good, uplifting, and positive advice, and that makes this site great, however sometimes when you are feeling down reading about how well others are doing and getting their opinion only makes you feel worse in yourself, so the idea behind this thread is for us to say what's on our minds and to be respected and supported, I don't know if it'll fly but just throwing the idea out there.

Hi Nicole
Nice to hear from you its always nice to have someone  to confide to does not matter on what subject i dont profess to know much i am just your average guy but i like to listen to people and discuss issues any assistance  i can give makes me feel good to help have a nice day

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Hi Nicole, and thank you for the thread. 

For the last few weeks I have been constantly angry, a bit depressed and in a dark place mentally.  I've had death on my mind a lot, and the other day I told my best friend that I was planning on committing suicide soon.  He was the only person I told, since telling anyone else would only lead to hospitals and people trying to talk me out of it.  I told him that it wasn't that I wanted to die, but was just tired of living.  He tried talking me out of it and asked me to at least reconsider it before doing anything like that.  Today, I'm not planning on taking my own life, and I don't know that I would have ever really gone through with it in the first place.  I was just hurting and wanted it to stop.  The funny thing is that what really made me change my outlook on taking my own life was that if I did, then I wouldn't be able to transition, and I would really like to see myself become the woman I was meant to be.  I can't do that in the cemetery.

Don't worry, as I'm writing this I am NOT suicidal.  Yes, I've had suicidal thoughts lately and have shared and will share some more with my therapist about such ideas.  Besides my friend and my therapist, this is the first time I've really told anyone about my wanting to leave this world.  I don't know, I just don't want to keep this burden all bottled up inside me.  Thank you Nicole for giving me a place to unload this negativity.

Hi Danielle,

Thank you for sharing, I'm glad you are feeling better, we'd all love to see you become the woman you want to be too.

Hugs

Nicole

Quote from: Danielle Kristina on June 10, 2018, 08:21:19 PM
Hi Nicole, and thank you for the thread. 

For the last few weeks I have been constantly angry, a bit depressed and in a dark place mentally.  I've had death on my mind a lot, and the other day I told my best friend that I was planning on committing suicide soon.  He was the only person I told, since telling anyone else would only lead to hospitals and people trying to talk me out of it.  I told him that it wasn't that I wanted to die, but was just tired of living.  He tried talking me out of it and asked me to at least reconsider it before doing anything like that.  Today, I'm not planning on taking my own life, and I don't know that I would have ever really gone through with it in the first place.  I was just hurting and wanted it to stop.  The funny thing is that what really made me change my outlook on taking my own life was that if I did, then I wouldn't be able to transition, and I would really like to see myself become the woman I was meant to be.  I can't do that in the cemetery.

Don't worry, as I'm writing this I am NOT suicidal.  Yes, I've had suicidal thoughts lately and have shared and will share some more with my therapist about such ideas.  Besides my friend and my therapist, this is the first time I've really told anyone about my wanting to leave this world.  I don't know, I just don't want to keep this burden all bottled up inside me.  Thank you Nicole for giving me a place to unload this negativity.

Great idea to speak with your friend. We're trans beings, and human... our feelings and emotions can be hurt too.
I've felt the same way, wanting to see what will happen by sticking around.

I'm just very confused. I just turned 28 and I've never been in a relationship or even been intimate really. At least not for a very long time. Being around guys makes me super insecure and even uncomfortable. Right now where I've been meeting guys they've been a bit too aggressive for me. I think I'll keep my boundaries in place for a while.

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I'm listening to all of you whether I reply or not. I think that this thread is a really great idea.

My relationship is under a tremendous strain right now, or it's already failed.

We were evicted two weeks ago and we're living in our car and occasionally in the resort my spouse works for. So far we've mostly kept a positive attitude while we collect the money to fund a new place.

On top of that we haven't had sex since I came out trans 4 years ago and unlike so many, HRT brought back my libido. At that time my spouse said that she would stay with me while I transition but wouldn't stay after I finished. Two years ago she said that she wanted a divorce but wanted us to live together after. She hasn't pursued the divorce as of yet.

All this leaves a lot of strain and ambiguity and ambiguity is the one thing that torques me the most. I don't have a partner, I have a roommate, and yet I don't feel free to find someone new. How many lesbian or bisexual women are gonna want a 59 year old pre-op transexual anyway?

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

QuoteAll this leaves a lot of strain and ambiguity and ambiguity is the one thing that torques me the most. I don't have a partner, I have a roommate, and yet I don't feel free to find someone new.

This is my situation to the letter and I just want to say that I feel what you're saying.

Quote from: Allison S on June 10, 2018, 08:37:33 PM
I'm just very confused. I just turned 28 and I've never been in a relationship or even been intimate really. At least not for a very long time. Being around guys makes me super insecure and even uncomfortable. Right now where I've been meeting guys they've been a bit too aggressive for me. I think I'll keep my boundaries in place for a while.

I was a late bloomer so appreciate your insecurities and discomfort, stay safe.

Hugs

Quote from: Dee Marshall on June 10, 2018, 08:52:57 PM
I'm listening to all of you whether I reply or not. I think that this thread is a really great idea.

My relationship is under a tremendous strain right now, or it's already failed.

We were evicted two weeks ago and we're living in our car and occasionally in the resort my spouse works for. So far we've mostly kept a positive attitude while we collect the money to fund a new place.

Dee, I feel your pain on the home front and relationship, it must be a very difficult time for you both. I hope you are able to find somewhere to live soon.

Big hugs

Nicole

Quote from: Allison S on June 10, 2018, 08:37:33 PM

Great idea to speak with your friend. We're trans beings, and human... our feelings and emotions can be hurt too.
I've felt the same way, wanting to see what will happen by sticking around.

I'm just very confused. I just turned 28 and I've never been in a relationship or even been intimate really. At least not for a very long time. Being around guys makes me super insecure and even uncomfortable. Right now where I've been meeting guys they've been a bit too aggressive for me. I think I'll keep my boundaries in place for a while.

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@Allison S   
Dear Allison:  For over a year and a half of being Full-time, I never dated...  slow and careful was the right way to go for me.  Yes, some guys are very aggressive but I have found that there are a lot of them that are considerate, kind, and act like gentlemen.  I also found several female suitors that are not quite as shy as the male suitors....  I am just wondering that now that they know my "secret" is if they feel more comfortable with me especially that they know that I am a trans-woman....  hmmm, interesting to think about.
In conclusion, SLOW and CAREFUL, keep your hormones and emotions in check.
Hugs,
Danielle

Dear Nicole70  Your new thread is a great idea and will help those through their difficult and frustrating times by reading about others similar frustrations and disappointments in their own transition journey.
Allowing them to identify with the transitions issues that may be similar to their own can be very helpful indeed.
I will keep checking on your thread frequently...  nicely done.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Dee Marshall on June 10, 2018, 08:52:57 PM
I'm listening to all of you whether I reply or not. I think that this thread is a really great idea.

My relationship is under a tremendous strain right now, or it's already failed.

We were evicted two weeks ago and we're living in our car and occasionally in the resort my spouse works for. So far we've mostly kept a positive attitude while we collect the money to fund a new place.

On top of that we haven't had sex since I came out trans 4 years ago and unlike so many, HRT brought back my libido. At that time my spouse said that she would stay with me while I transition but wouldn't stay after I finished. Two years ago she said that she wanted a divorce but wanted us to live together after. She hasn't pursued the divorce as of yet.

All this leaves a lot of strain and ambiguity and ambiguity is the one thing that torques me the most. I don't have a partner, I have a roommate, and yet I don't feel free to find someone new. How many lesbian or bisexual women are gonna want a 59 year old pre-op transexual anyway?

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

@Dee Marshall
Dear Dee,  My heartfelt well wishes go out to you.  Regarding the spouse of a transitioning partner, that can be the most difficult thing to cope with. 
You don't have to read too many postings on the Forums to see that you are not alone with the issues and difficulties that you mention in your reply comment. 
While you are reading some of the other postings you also will see that there are times that things do work out OK with married couples in a transition situation.  Take it upon yourself to communicate with some of those that write about getting along with their spouse, there may be suggestions available that might help you and your wife come to a better place in your relationship.   
Regarding sex and those kinds of relationships with your wife or perhaps with new partners, it is my opinion that should not be your primary concern right now... I am thinking that your priority task now is to heal your relationship with your wife....  I know, it is easier said than done, but please do give a big effort in that direction.
I, among others here, we are all rooting for you.  Please keep us updated if you feel comfortable doing so.

Hugs and more hugs, and wishing you well,
Danielle

Quote from: Allison S on June 10, 2018, 08:37:33 PM
I'm just very confused. I just turned 28 and I've never been in a relationship or even been intimate really. At least not for a very long time. Being around guys makes me super insecure and even uncomfortable. Right now where I've been meeting guys they've been a bit too aggressive for me. I think I'll keep my boundaries in place for a while.

I wish I could say it was strange, Im almost 31 (will be this year) and I've never had a real relationship, jokingly said my longest relationship was for 3 days back in the ninth grade but the truth was we hooked up over an IM chat and by monday she played it off like nothing happen... I've been with women before but nothing more than a one nightstand. Ive always felt insecure the few times I let myself get close to people the random thoughts of what if they dont like the real me came up... well the real me is no longer hiding(doesnt change the fact Ive never found anyone I could open up to and be myself). Each time I ever really got close my anxiety would act up and push me away, if not that I forced myself away too afraid to show the real me...

Feels good to finally open up thank you for this thread.

I've struggled with really bad dysphoria over the past couple of weeks, my transition is progressing ok and I am happy about that but it doesn't distract too much from the feelings that I don't want my male appendage there any more, it was my first problem as a child and I know while those feelings while very real are pointless to linger on.

I have worried that my looks will never be passable, but at the same time know that I can never go back to being a man, I have found an inner peace as a woman that I have never had my entire life.

I feel quite guilty because I have a lot to be thankful for but I can't seem to control the dysphoric days, on those days I do feel envious about others successful transition stories and tend to not look too hard so I don't make myself feel worse.

Hey, I'm 25 and have never been in a relationship either, so there's plenty of people in the same boat.

Nicole

I just wish to second Dee's point: " I'm listening to all of you whether I reply or not. I think this thread is a really great idea".

At times all we need is a listening ear and to be sure we will not be judged. Even if we are depressed, others here will understand as they likely have encountered similar. We all need to vent at times.

This thread will certainly "fly". Thank you so much.

Hugs

Pamela

Kind of like a venting, but also comforting since people read it thread? I hope i'm doing this right.

So, Lynn's thread struck a chord with me, and I watched it tentatively for a bit until a few replies rolled in.

I have always wanted to be part of something, I always felt like an outsider looking in. And it's this strong passion for that which I think either pushes people away sometimes or just seems like it does.  Before my transition, my whole basis of my being was because I wanted to connect with people, I wanted let them know who I am and what I care about, and I also am interested in knowing who other people are, and what they care about, too.

That is why I wanted to be a game designer.  I made connections when I was younger, by being good at video games, and coaching/helping or just socializing with others because of it.  I could never flat-out talk to people(at least not until the internet) and it was always because of my how I looked. Some days, even now, I tend to doubt or get anxious about my transition thinking that was that just self-esteem issues, or was it dysphoria and I didn't know it?

I did start transitioning before joining Susans, but it does seem like thanks to Susans, Twiiter, and even in real life, I'm able to connect with people like I had always wanted.  So I worry sometimes, maybe I am just transitioning so I can feel like I belong, like I'm special. Even if that is the case, I think it's like, why does it make me feel special? And if that's important to me, then this is the correct answer, right?

I remember when I was telling my sister, I let it slip out that for the first time I actually considered maybe that I don't need to be a game designer anymore.  And that's kind of scary, in it's own way, because that's been my life long goal and what I've built my entire life around, in some capacity.  But at the same time, it was this feeling like, "I just want to try and make my mark on the world." I wasn't even looking at the life I am currently living, which is why I was very apathetic about taking care of my body or even my own life. But things are different now, I am living for the moment. I only have 1 life to live, and this is what I want to do to be happy, truly happy.

I think I just don't want to ever have to doubt myself as a woman, and until I get there. I'm always gonna have this creeping fear that when I haven't received a DM on Twitter/Susans, a like, a reply, a supportive message in some capacity for a long time that I'll freak out and be like, "What have I become?"

Quote from: Eryn T on June 11, 2018, 07:44:10 AM
Kind of like a venting, but also comforting since people read it thread? I hope i'm doing this right.

So, Lynn's thread struck a chord with me, and I watched it tentatively for a bit until a few replies rolled in.

I have always wanted to be part of something, I always felt like an outsider looking in. And it's this strong passion for that which I think either pushes people away sometimes or just seems like it does.  Before my transition, my whole basis of my being was because I wanted to connect with people, I wanted let them know who I am and what I care about, and I also am interested in knowing who other people are, and what they care about, too.

That is why I wanted to be a game designer.  I made connections when I was younger, by being good at video games, and coaching/helping or just socializing with others because of it.  I could never flat-out talk to people(at least not until the internet) and it was always because of my how I looked. Some days, even now, I tend to doubt or get anxious about my transition thinking that was that just self-esteem issues, or was it dysphoria and I didn't know it?

I did start transitioning before joining Susans, but it does seem like thanks to Susans, Twiiter, and even in real life, I'm able to connect with people like I had always wanted.  So I worry sometimes, maybe I am just transitioning so I can feel like I belong, like I'm special. Even if that is the case, I think it's like, why does it make me feel special? And if that's important to me, then this is the correct answer, right?

I remember when I was telling my sister, I let it slip out that for the first time I actually considered maybe that I don't need to be a game designer anymore.  And that's kind of scary, in it's own way, because that's been my life long goal and what I've built my entire life around, in some capacity.  But at the same time, it was this feeling like, "I just want to try and make my mark on the world." I wasn't even looking at the life I am currently living, which is why I was very apathetic about taking care of my body or even my own life. But things are different now, I am living for the moment. I only have 1 life to live, and this is what I want to do to be happy, truly happy.

I think I just don't want to ever have to doubt myself as a woman, and until I get there. I'm always gonna have this creeping fear that when I haven't received a DM on Twitter/Susans, a like, a reply, a supportive message in some capacity for a long time that I'll freak out and be like, "What have I become?"

I can relate to some of what you said, some i became quite the opposite however... hhmm

Also
I want to be a Voice Actress, maybe i will end up voicing one of your games lol

Quote from: Nicole70 on June 10, 2018, 09:24:32 PM
I was a late bloomer so appreciate your insecurities and discomfort, stay safe.

Hugs

Really? I never thought of it like that.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 10, 2018, 09:34:17 PM

@Allison S   
Dear Allison:  For over a year and a half of being Full-time, I never dated...  slow and careful was the right way to go for me.  Yes, some guys are very aggressive but I have found that there are a lot of them that are considerate, kind, and act like gentlemen.  I also found several female suitors that are not quite as shy as the male suitors....  I am just wondering that now that they know my "secret" is if they feel more comfortable with me especially that they know that I am a trans-woman....  hmmm, interesting to think about.
In conclusion, SLOW and CAREFUL, keep your hormones and emotions in check.
Hugs,
Danielle

Thank you, Danielle [emoji173] I think we're similar...

Quote from: Amaki on June 10, 2018, 10:24:26 PM
I wish I could say it was strange, Im almost 31 (will be this year) and I've never had a real relationship, jokingly said my longest relationship was for 3 days back in the ninth grade but the truth was we hooked up over an IM chat and by monday she played it off like nothing happen... I've been with women before but nothing more than a one nightstand. Ive always felt insecure the few times I let myself get close to people the random thoughts of what if they dont like the real me came up... well the real me is no longer hiding(doesnt change the fact Ive never found anyone I could open up to and be myself). Each time I ever really got close my anxiety would act up and push me away, if not that I forced myself away too afraid to show the real me...

Feels good to finally open up thank you for this thread.

It's not easy. Hopefully for both of us things will get better with time.

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Quote from: Allison S on June 11, 2018, 09:26:49 AM

Really? I never thought of it like that.

Thank you, Danielle [emoji173] I think we're similar...

It's not easy. Hopefully for both of us things will get better with time.

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I too know what its like, havent really been in a relationship, 1 when i was a young teen with a guy, but it was kept secret his request but it lasted 6 months we didnt get too intimate tho atleast i would have liked to have gotten more intimate with him, then i dated atleast 1 other guy once LOL, we got abit intimate thats the extent of it LOL, pretty sad

ive had feelings for a couple of CIS girls as well but nothing happened with them

i havent been in a relationship or even dated anyone for atleast 6 years...