My story is very similar to a lot or other TS women and if it wasn't for the internet I would have probably still thought that something was wrong with me. I've known since I was 7 years old that I wasn't a "guy" but growing up in a religious conservative south I kept my feelings bottled up and lived my life like society and family said a boy and man should be. I kept the dressing to private and never told a soul. Graduation led to ARMY that led to college and to my wife and last year we celebrated our 20th year. In that time I "came out" to her twice, the first time she seemed confused, didn't ask me any questions.. it was only a couple years into our marriage. I felt embarrassed and I packed up Kristy for 10 years until "she" came out again (this was about 10 years ago) and right after my son was born. There still were not many resources or places to go to talk or understand. My wife thinking it was something "fun" and "kinky" but turned to embarrassment again after Kristy wasn't welcomed if she looked like a "normal" woman. Flash forward another 10 years and Kristy came out again (Last October 2017) but this time I found answers and comradery all over the internet. From videos, advances in physiological classifications and gender types.... I finally felt normal or a sense of understanding. There isn't anything wrong with me, I just happen to be living inside as a woman with a male outside. At first I was trying to classify myself, reading about gender types, Binary, fluidity and though maybe I was bigender. I was just amazed that there were so many people like me, and for the first time in my life I went outside my house alone as Kristy, it was just a drive around town, but it felt so right and liberating. I tried to explain this to my wife and that I think I am bigender so for the next few months, I began to order and try on age appropriate clothing, learning makeup, posture and voice and I went out more and more. My wife was "okay" with it as long as my male side came back. I came out to my kids ages 10 & 12 who have not only supported me but have really enjoyed spending time with "Aunt Kristy" For my wife this has been a whirlwind of emotions and turmoil. As time as my real self increased, removing my prosthetics and clothing, began to feel like I was ripping parts off my body. I started questioning if I was BiGender or transgender that has been living as a male for over 40 years is "easy" to switch back to male. I started self medicating with Estrofem and Progesterone from November until May (when I had enough confidence to finally meet with a transgender physician that did a physical and prescribed me estradiol injections and progesterone) I am now at a full month of injections and progesterone and I feel amazing... er well my chest hurts like heck (but very welcomed pain!). I am still not full time, more like 10%... and the longest time would allow about 4 days straight... only because I am not ready to take the next step and to start coming out to friends family and work. Or perhaps I should say my wife isn't, because I want to tell the world! .... but I am not sure I want to invoke pain or embarrassment towards her or the kids friends. She has been supportive, but also drew a line because she is not welcoming, and I can totally understand, she didn't marry a woman. If I transition then we are over. This very similar to the new TLC series Lost in Transition. I feel a mixture of what they are all going through. So my journey starts here.. I just want to thank all of your posts and support for helping people like me decide to come out and really be who they really are.
Thanks
Kristy
