Still there.

I really screwed up on my first post here. So if anyone reads it, please overlook my ignorance, stupidity, rudeness. It was totally unintended. I feel awful about it. I really do. It's been eating at me since I posted it. Forgive me please.

Okay. Well, I'm really nervous of saying too much about myself at first. I've been on testosterone since 2002 (16 years). I've currently been working on my spiritual self and physical self, getting my mind and body in shape in order to meet someone special in my life. I don't know really if they're coming, or if I've missed my opportunity. I just hope I haven't.

I'm 34 years old. I was diagnosed with hypogonadism before the hyst surgery. They found malignant cysts on the one ovary I had (cringe!) and cervix (cringe cringe!). But they removed everything, so I'm okay as far as I know. I also had bilateral mastectomy, but due to being on psychiatric medications I've got gynecomastia. It's not real bad, but I'm not comfortable with it.

I've had mental issues going on since I was very young, and on medications for it since I was 15. Since my early 20's, I've been outside of the glbt community, just hiding myself away trying to get over the mental issues and find myself.

There have been a few spiritual awakenings happen during that time. Things I needed to realize about myself and about the world. But I've always been alone. I've always been to myself. Quiet. Tried to stay out of the way and invisible. Just blending in with the surroundings the best I can so not to cause trouble. But I think I've isolated myself so much that now I'm finding it difficult to come out of it.

Can anyone relate? I'm sure some of you can.

So now after the deep depression, I'm coming out of the rock, coming out of the tomb I put myself in. I've been eating a lot better and working out physically. Trying to watch and listen to positivity to get my mind back in order.

I've not had a date in 12 years. I've just kept myself in a terrible, unhealthy routine of sorrow, self-pity, depression and all that yuck stuff that I didn't need but didn't realize at the time.

So anyway, I'm here. I'm alive. I survive. :-) I can smile. 

Thank you for taking the time to read. Please forgive my first posts, if you happen to see them.

@warrioroflight
Hello Warrioroflight,   Absolutely NO WORRIES about your very first posting here several days ago on Thursday.   

***We all are allowed to make mistakes and not always say what we wanted to say or should have said the first time. So thanks for coming back with a fresh start.... we learn from our mistakes.

Thank you for coming to the Introductions Forum and posting new informative and your most interesting details about yourself...  letting the members here on the Forums know that you have become a member.
   
Please continue to get involved in other member's threads of interest to you and also start your own topics of discussion.   You will find that other like-minded members and yourself will be able help answer your questions and to share your experiences and thoughts as you become more involved posting and replying to the other various threads.

Please be certain to look over the important and informative LINKS that I posted at the bottom of  my Welcome Message to you on June 14 on your first posting. 
There is very important information there that will help you to navigate around the site and best utilize the Forums.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Hi Warrioroflight 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

I understood that your first post didn't really say what you wanted it to say and we are used to it around here. People come here under emotional stress, some are not used to posting and for others, english isn't their birth language. You aren't anywhere near the first to have us scratching our head in the moderator area.

Anyway, if your still looking for a date, you might try Okcupid. It's a internet dating site but many LGBT members use it and have had fairly good luck with it. One of the tricks others have suggested is to put a word in your profile that someone must use in their introduction. If they don't use the word, you know they didn't read your profile and you probably aren't going to get anywhere with them. If they use the word, you know your past doesn't matter to them.

Dear warrior of light....love the account name

Depression is very challenging, I have been there.  Sounds like you are taking the steps needed to break free, good on you!