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Pre-op MTF: to what extent are you repulsed by your genitals?

Started by annaleaver, June 28, 2018, 04:36:45 PM

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annaleaver

Personally, I don't look at them, touch them, I tuck when I can, and masturbate almost never...

I expected hormones to play a greater role when it came to atrophy as well, the day they're gone will be a day of celebration

anastasia
Deed poll 17/10/2017
Passport 09/02/2018
Drivers License 07/03/2018
Electrolysis 03/07/2018
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Danielle Kristina

I don't hate my genitalia.  It's all I've had to work with.  That said, my male equipment would not have been my selection hd I been given a choice.  I never felt like in"measured up," for one thing.  For another, I had always wished I were born female.  So for me not only had I been born physically male when I wished I'd been born female, my male equipment turned out to be a huge disappointment.
April 19, 2018: First post here on Susan's Place
April 27, 2018: First session with my gender therapist
July 30, 2018: Received my HRT letter
September 3,2018: Came our for the first time

Becoming me more every day!!!
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Devlyn

I love my eunuch horn.  :)

I lost some function during my hormonal transition, but some of the lost ground has been recouped as I emerged on the female side, which pleases me.

To be fair, your question addressed MTF, and  I'm actually M+F, but I had to get to the female side to achieve both, so I feel qualified to answer.
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RobynD

Never had genital dysphoria. Body hair was the extent of it for me and other than that I was fine with my body. Most of my GD was social and identity-related. Still, i have appreciated the feminine changes and will be getting GCS later this year.


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Megan.

Not repulsed, indifferent. It's an ugly little thing.
Like RobynD my dysphoria was more social and identity. I'll also be getting GRS though, for a more pleasing appearance (to me) and to resolve my current medical issue.

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Rachelle

Sometimes I have that desire to not have my current "package" but I'm sure that will fade with my orchi after 3 years HRT. Would just be nice to wear whatever I want comfortably. With that said I'm not going SRS because I'm bigender.

Xoxo
Rachelle


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Xoxo
Rachelle

---------------------

Non-Binary\Bi-Gender
Realization Summer 1996
HRT Since Summer 2015
Orchiectomy Fall 2018
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KathyLauren

"Repulsed" is too strong a word for what I feel.  I don't like them.  I wish I had the proper version for my gender.  That is all.

Like when you order a meal and get mashed potatoes instead of fries because the kitchen ran out.  Nothing wrong with mashed, but it's not what I wanted.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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Sephirah

I used to be way more than I am now. Now I can't feel them. I can't tell they're there without looking. That makes it easier to deal with. Although the reason for that made everything else, including those, 100 times harder to deal with. At least I don't have to feel it stuck there anymore. Thank heavens for small mercies. :)
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3
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salaniaseviltwin

It's not just the genitalia in my case. The only male that I've ever found attractive was Brad Pitt from fight club/snatch. The male body in my opinion is disgusting otherwise. When and if I can afford the rest I the surgery, I'll be happy.

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"Perception is reality. If you are perceived to be something, you might as well be it because that's the truth in people's minds."   -Steve Young

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FinallyMichelle

Quote from: salaniaseviltwin on June 28, 2018, 07:21:34 PM
It's not just the genitalia in my case. The only male that I've ever found attractive was Brad Pitt from fight club/snatch. The male body in my opinion is disgusting otherwise. When and if I can afford the rest I the surgery, I'll be happy

Legends of the Fall. Seriously his body is beyond ridiculous, Fight Club is meh, love the twist, Snatch is phenomenal, who doesn't like a squeaking dog but Legends of the Fall, he makes me weak all over. That man could do whatever he wanted to me.

Um, I have never had testicles, I once had a doctor describe them as, "They are so small it took a while to determine if you had them." I have rarely even seen them in my life, and not ever in decades. No dysphoria there obviously. The other, I am considerably smaller than my brothers but they are very big. I had a lot of dysphoria trying to be with a girl, but with guys it doesn't bother me as long as they leave it alone. It's not me, I am not a stupid piece of flesh, but it is soooo annoying when dressing or when it doesn't stay tucked but that is it. 🙂 We on this site have determined that who we are is not our body right? It is not generally intrusive and I am not having a ton of sex so no dysphoria. I still cannot wait for my surgery though.
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krobinson103

Don't hate em, but I would be much more comfortable if they were gone. Testicles have a target on them this year. 2-3 years out I want GCS.
Every day is a totally awesome day
Every day provides opportunities and challenges
Every challenge leads to an opportunity
Every fear faced leads to one more strength
Every strength leads to greater success
Success leads to self esteem
Self Esteem leads to happiness.
Cherish every day.
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Jan

I hate them with a passion.  Not one thing makes them welcome, as far as I am concerned they are a parasite that feeds off my body.
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TonyaW

More of am annoyance or nuisance than repulsion but the further along I go the more I want them gone.

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Rachel

I am post op but before GCS I had a hate hate relationship with them.

I had done some damage to them through the years. I developed Peronei's from the damage. On a scale 1 to 10 I would rate it 10.

I had an operation at age 12 to correct the great difficulty in urinating. The urethra was extremely small and it burned when I would pee and it took 10 to 15 minutes to pee. I had gotten a uti and could not pee. The doctors at the hospital could not put the smallest catheter in so they operated. Split it open and put a catheter in. The fixed where I urinate too. It would come out the bottom so they made it come out the front.

If I had GCS much sooner I would have been so much happier in life. I had a micro penis and very small genitals so the size was not the issue it was that they were there.

I sometimes think back when I awoke in the PACU from GCS. The 50/30 blood pressure and 120 heart rate did not concern me. Having the genitals gone was what I cared about. I had such a feeling of relief and a little dull pain :) . I was in the PACU for a very long time then transferred to the ICU. I do not remember that. I remember waking in the ICU, alone with a wonderful feeling of being incredibly calm.
HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas in 2020 FEMLAR
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pamelatransuk

They are a close second to my main source of dysphoria which is body hair.

I wish they were not there but HRT has thankfully already resulted in testicular reduction and "the other" has always been small but always unwanted. I believe small genitalia is one of the possible signs of the Klinefelter Syndrome.

Pamela


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Johnni Gyrl

Sorry, not repulsed by mine's at all. I'm also more of a social transitioner, it's not about going all the way physically for me. More like spiritually. My bits are all I've ever had to work with and I'd miss them too much + I'm used to how they operate.

Of course, I'd love to have been born as a natural 100% woman, but you can't have everything, you just have to get on with what you were given and improve on it. Mine's only get in the way when they don't fit into some cute panties I really like, even with partial tucking. It ruins the look. I bought one of those 'camel-toe' pads to compensate, to see what I'd look like if I had a vagina. It was amazing. Bigger 'granny' type panties also help, to conceal the bulge.
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zirconia

Enough to have fervently hoped to get cancer in order to get them amputated, or an accident that would slice them off. Neither seemed to be very likely so I settled for trying to make them die by sticking needles through them. (They didn't. Maybe I should have used a voodoo doll rather than working on them directly.)

After getting magic potions that made them start behaving themselves rather than following a will of their own I've come to be a bit more tolerant—but that doesn't mean I don't want to trade with someone who has what I do, and wants mine. If that can't happen I guess I'll just eventually have to find a medicine man to work a transformation.
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Azirial

Repulsed? Not so much... More a passing disinterest... They exist, i csnt do much about that rn in my situation, i would also like to see more advances in bottom surgery before i would do that... Tbh its like... Having a wart or something... Wish I didnt have it, but I do... So... Yeah
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VickyS

Don't really like to look at them and try not to most of the time.  When in the shower they ruin the smooth 'curve' that should go down from the belly to between the legs.  I would really like to get them gone but I know that will be years away as I'm only at the beginning of my journey but if I had the practical option of getting rid of them tomorrow I would as most of my transition anxiety is social and no one would be able to tell what I had down there!  Also, It's not all about having them gone but WANTING a vagina.  For me, that is more important.  I don't like using my male bits sexually as it feels wrong, but thinking about using my own vagina sexually is truly mind-blowing.
Came out to self: mid Oct 17                   Last haircut: 3rd Nov 17       
Came out to wife: 17th Jan 18                 Therapy started: 1st Mar 18
Electrolysis started: 10th Apr 18              Referred to GIC: 16th May 18
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StacyRenee

Much of the same of what's already been said. Body hair has been the biggest disgust causing thing. Luckily HRT has done wonders for that, not that I had much to start with. But as for genital dysphoria, there is little disgust. I'd equate it to being overweight. I'd like to lose the "weight" so I could look more attractive and wear tighter clothes. I soooo want to wear leggings as they are popular now, but don't feel that I look "right" even tucked.
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