It has been my observation that people like to give up control, and to take control, to varying degrees, in all aspects of our lives. Control is not a black and white thing based on someone's D/S personality, but rather a spectrum of degrees of control they like to take vs. what they like to avail to others.

Two MTF TG women I met, for example, had boyfriends that "insisted"/"persuaded" (I am using quotation marks, out of politeness) one be castrated and the other get hormone implants. They both said they resisted the ideas at first, but once it happened and the changes became irreversible, in hindsight they said they have no regrets and have fully embraced the lifestyle of being TG.

Whether we really have free choice in this world is a big question but I'd like to ask the ladies and gentlemen here specifically about your transitions:

• How much free choice did you want in your transition?
• How much free choice did you get in your transition?
• Any regrets? Do you feel you did something you didn't want to do?

I'm asking because I don't know where I am on the TG spectrum, the changes that are and will be happening to my body terrify me into stopping and I am wondering whether I need to find a dominant partner to help me make decisions I can't make myself, or whether I will regret being pushed into something which needs to gone into with some forethought.

I am not a fan on one person having control over another.  If someone tries to control me, they get resistance.  If a partner tried to control me by "insisting", they would be an ex-partner.  I do things that my wife wants me to, but I am aware of my own role in those actions, and I do them by my choice.

I had no control at all in whether or not I was transgender.  That was determined for me before I was born, by my mother's hormone levels.

Growing up, and through the majority of my adult life, I felt that some aspects of my life were not in my control, but I see now that that was because I didn't understand what was going on.

Now that I understand who I am, my transition is mostly in my control.  I decide what transition measures I am going to take.  Sometimes the health care system imposes its requirements: who I have to see, when I can see them, what letters I have to obtain, etc.  My choice is to follow their procedures or pay my own way.  And I take the advice of my doctor on hormone dosages, but I do so willingly.

No one has made me do something I didn't want to do, transition-wise, and I have no regrets other than wishing I had started sooner.

Quote from: Laurel on July 04, 2018, 09:19:00 AM
It has been my observation that people like to give up control, and to take control, to varying degrees, in all aspects of our lives. Control is not a black and white thing based on someone's D/S personality, but rather a spectrum of degrees of control they like to take vs. what they like to avail to others.

Two MTF TG women I met, for example, had boyfriends that "insisted"/"persuaded" (I am using quotation marks, out of politeness) one be castrated and the other get hormone implants. They both said they resisted the ideas at first, but once it happened and the changes became irreversible, in hindsight they said they have no regrets and have fully embraced the lifestyle of being TG.

Whether we really have free choice in this world is a big question but I'd like to ask the ladies and gentlemen here specifically about your transitions:

• How much free choice did you want in your transition?
• How much free choice did you get in your transition?
• Any regrets? Do you feel you did something you didn't want to do?

I'm asking because I don't know where I am on the TG spectrum, the changes that are and will be happening to my body terrify me into stopping and I am wondering whether I need to find a dominant partner to help me make decisions I can't make myself, or whether I will regret being pushed into something which needs to gone into with some forethought.

1. How much free choice did you want in your transition?
R/ I never gave much thought to the subject of "freedom" but I definitely wanted to be able to make my own decisions.

2. How much free choice did you get in your transition?
R/ I transitioned after breaking up so I had free choice all the time.

3. Any regrets? Do you feel you did something you didn't want to do?
R/ No real regrets so far. Transition is scary and I'm scared and full of doubts most of the time but up until this point I haven't really regretted anything.

And about a dominant partner, I don't think it is healthy for any relationship or person to do anything because of pressure by somebody else.

Quote from: Laurel on July 04, 2018, 09:19:00 AM
It has been my observation that people like to give up control, and to take control, to varying degrees, in all aspects of our lives. Control is not a black and white thing based on someone's D/S personality, but rather a spectrum of degrees of control they like to take vs. what they like to avail to others.

Two MTF TG women I met, for example, had boyfriends that "insisted"/"persuaded" (I am using quotation marks, out of politeness) one be castrated and the other get hormone implants. They both said they resisted the ideas at first, but once it happened and the changes became irreversible, in hindsight they said they have no regrets and have fully embraced the lifestyle of being TG.

Whether we really have free choice in this world is a big question but I'd like to ask the ladies and gentlemen here specifically about your transitions:

• How much free choice did you want in your transition?
• How much free choice did you get in your transition?
• Any regrets? Do you feel you did something you didn't want to do?

I'm asking because I don't know where I am on the TG spectrum, the changes that are and will be happening to my body terrify me into stopping and I am wondering whether I need to find a dominant partner to help me make decisions I can't make myself, or whether I will regret being pushed into something which needs to gone into with some forethought.

\

At the beginning of my transition, a family member offered to pay for me to have the surgery (SRS bottom surgery for MTF) privately. I either couldn't accept it because I had already opted to take the NHS route, or I felt ashamed to let somebody spend that sort of money on me when an alternative existed. But having experienced the varying levels of institutionalised discrimination that exist within the framework of public healthcare in the UK, not to mention third parties that take an extremely active interest in making vulnerable transgendered women's lives hell as they transition, I often entertain and regret the possibility (unlikely as it was) of having the surgery done privately.

anastasia x

Quote from: KathyLauren on July 04, 2018, 09:58:40 AM
I am not a fan on one person having control over another.  If someone tries to control me, they get resistance.  If a partner tried to control me by "insisting", they would be an ex-partner.

@KathyLauren - Then you have a much stronger personality than I do. In my case even though I have legally become an adult, I am still afraid to say no.

Well, I'm a control freak. At least as far as my own life and choices goes. There's no way anyone would have a say in my transition choices but me and I have a fairly clear idea of what I want.

Don't get me wrong that it's been easy though. It hasn't. I had a ten year relationship on the line that was fairly heavy and probably wouldn't survive, and I don't like the breakup process very much. But sorting such a fundamental issue as this out comes before anything - or anyone - else.

There's this rule in my relationships. Something like this isn't something someone else should be controlling over someone else's head. If whoever I was with was facing down my situation I wouldn't interfere either. It might be the end of the relationship, but I don't believe it's something I would have the right to interfere with. And the same goes for any other major choices that belong to someone - it's their business. Keeping a certain amount of separation and autonomy there is good, I reckon. It's why I don't have a joint bank account or anything like that. A certain amount of personal agency is good for a person, especially me. If I don't have control over my own body, or ability to walk away from something, I would not be in a good head space.

And transition is serious stuff. I don't know why anyone would have a partner have such control over what permanent changes they made to their own body, when there's no guarantee that partner will always be there. 

It's hard enough having to jump through the hoops necessary to get the treatment in the first place - you do have to play the game to be diagnosed and given the therapy, ops and the HRT which is undignified enough, in my opinion.  Not sure why anyone'd risk having someone else in control of something so personal.

Quote from: Laurel on July 04, 2018, 09:19:00 AM
It has been my observation that people like to give up control, and to take control, to varying degrees, in all aspects of our lives. Control is not a black and white thing based on someone's D/S personality, but rather a spectrum of degrees of control they like to take vs. what they like to avail to others.

Two MTF TG women I met, for example, had boyfriends that "insisted"/"persuaded" (I am using quotation marks, out of politeness) one be castrated and the other get hormone implants. They both said they resisted the ideas at first, but once it happened and the changes became irreversible, in hindsight they said they have no regrets and have fully embraced the lifestyle of being TG.

Whether we really have free choice in this world is a big question but I'd like to ask the ladies and gentlemen here specifically about your transitions:

• How much free choice did you want in your transition?
• How much free choice did you get in your transition?
• Any regrets? Do you feel you did something you didn't want to do?

I'm asking because I don't know where I am on the TG spectrum, the changes that are and will be happening to my body terrify me into stopping and I am wondering whether I need to find a dominant partner to help me make decisions I can't make myself, or whether I will regret being pushed into something which needs to gone into with some forethought.

Laurel,

Welcome to the forum....

I very much see my first 50+ years of life, before transition, as living to what I viewed as the expectations of others... I felt free to make decisions... to exercise my free will... But, in the end, they were all bounded within that framework of expectation that we perceive around us... societal and inter-personal "norms" that, in the end, are silently taking control out of our hands ...though often, we don't realize it...

Transition became a necessity when the need to express the truth inside me, became stronger than the need to defer to the expectations of others... There is power, liberation and freedom in that... in moving towards truth in your life.... in showing your true face to the world... it is an experience not to be missed and for me, I had come to the point in life where I realized that anything less was giving up all hope.. and I am not a quitter....

Every decision we make in life changes all that follows to one degree or another... we are creators of our existence... we can be passengers on the train or we can claim our place holding the throttle in our hand and moving the train down the tracks in the manner and directions we choose...

This quest that most of us here find ourself on is, at it's core, a spiritual one... how can we feel we have ever been loved by anyone if we have never shown them who we are?... transition is our attempt to place ourself at a point in our life where we can truly give and receive love... A spiritual quest indeed...

I have no regrets... Life is short ... Life is for living and time spent regretting is time wasted

This snippet of Walt Whitman's "Song Of The Open Road" describes the liberation in taking control in our life well...


From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.
I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,
I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,
I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me.


I seek to live my life... "gently, but with undeniable will"

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀💕🌻

Quote from: tgirlamc on July 04, 2018, 11:45:10 AM
Laurel,

Welcome to the forum....

I very much see my first 50+ years of life, before transition, as living to what I viewed as the expectations of others... I felt free to make decisions... to exercise my free will... But, in the end, they were all bounded within that framework of expectation that we perceive around us... societal and inter-personal "norms" that in the end are silently taking control out of our hands though often, we don't realize it...

Transition became a necessity when the need to express the truth inside me, became stronger than the need to defer to the expectations of others... There is power, liberation and freedom in that... in moving towards truth in your life.... in showing your true face to the world... it is an experience not to be missed and for me, I had come to the point in life where I realized that anything else was giving up... and I am not a quitter....

Every decision we make in life changes all that follows to one degree or another... we are creators of our existence... we can be passengers on the train or we can claim our place holding the throttle in our hand and moving the train down the tracks in the directions we choose...

This quest that most of us here find ourself on is a spiritual one... how can we feel we have ever been loved by anyone if we have never shown them who we are?... transition is our attempt to place ourself at a point in our life where we can truly give and receive love... A spiritual quest indeed...

I have no regrets... Life is short ... Life is for living and time spent regretting is time wasted

This snippet of Walt Whitman's "Song Of The Open Road" describes the liberation in taking control in our life well...


From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.
I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,
I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,
I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me.


I seek to live my life... "gently but, with undeniable will"

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀💕🌻

^^^this^^^
Free will is a gift we all have and should learn to use. 
It is lost when we are bound by allowing others control of it, either by love, fear, responsibility or from society's hand.
You may need some control from others that give it positively, but should reject all that does us no service.

Hugs and smiles, Jessica