Hi,

I've been talking to a gender therapist who helped put me on the path toward transition. I expect that i will start taking female hormones within 2 months. I have been changing my clothing and general appearance for the past 9 months. My wife is trying hard to accept my transition but we haven't formally told our children yet. I have no doubt they have noticed my changes, but not my reasons. The kids are 2 and 5 years old.

Looking for guidance from people who have been where i am. How did you approach the subject? How did they respond?


Regards,
Chloe

As long as your wife is on the same page your two year old won't have any issues. My six year old struggles a bit but she is accepting. My 12 year old? Different story. I suggest you spend quality time with them and show then your love for them doesn't change despite other things changing. Also be aware that its possible that your wife decides she can't handle the whole thing then you get into a whole new situation and have to start deciding on priorities...

Hi Chloe 2017,
I found if the wife knows and she allows feminine dress then start dressing in front of the family. I started gradually after work.  I would swim in the pool and then put on sarong skirt and tshirt. Then added women's top. After that skirts and tops. From there I started wearing dresses. My boys 8 & 7 at the time said why are you wearing a dress? I said it was more comfortable. I haven't told them I would rather be a woman. Also my wife has put a ban on the more feminine dresses. I have agreed with her-she doesn't want to see it and that goes for children as well. I have managed to break the ice but there is an agreed limit to my female dress. At least we are still talking about it.
I know this doesn't sound ideal but at least HRT and a degree of female expression is allowed. I think involving the wife in all decisions makes it more likely she will stay. Wish I could give better life tips. Yours truly, Kirsten.

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Chloe

I have a five year old and me and my ex wife did it like this:

1. Get her used to the idea that people are different (not a bad idea for all parents, but hey ho). We'd tell her about my father, who is gay. And gay and lesbian friends. And how boys can love boys. Or girls. And girls can love girls. Or boys. Or boys can be girls or girls can be bots

2. We'd let that sink in an reference it a few times I said, nonchalantly (so she didn't make it a big deal) that when I was little I always wanted to dress like a girl but that people wouldn't let me be pretty and how unfair that was

3. We then told her that I was a boy who wanted to be a girl and that the doctor was going to help me

By now I was living away from my ex wife, so we brought my daughter around to meet Emma for the first time, just a casual dinner. And its gone from there.

Children are best dealt with in baby steps. Dropping the bomb can overwhelm even a young child, but gradually introducing something means its stays within the bands of normal. At the moment we're at the stage where I can drop her off at school but she won't yet let me pick her up from school as there is one friend there that she doesn't want me to meet at school. So we're arranging a play date.

With children they aren't great at logic, and when you tell them something like this its tough to compute, but when they see it they understand more.

Good luck

Em x

Quote from: Chloe2017 on July 08, 2018, 12:03:23 AMi will start taking female hormones within 2 months . . . The kids are 2 and 5 years old.

        Chloe I've taken the "middle road" for a long time now and it works! Once you've been on HRT for a while I think you'll find the erotic excitement of outward crossdressing will fade and there will be nothing left to discuss with the kids, They will eventually just "get it" and then, as they get older, it'll be their friends, parents and teachers you'll have to worry about instead.

        My kids are now 18 and 20, have respective "spouses" (lol no one 'marrys" anymore!) and with grand-babies 2 and 3 it definitely gets easier second time around! Have found wife will be fine with you expressing a physical, passable femininity as long as socially you continue to nominally present as a "daddy & hubby".

No one wears dresses anymore if truly value your family life then just be all the tom-girl you can be but skip the "accessories"! The gender confusion can be quite amusing at times but find, in general, people are much more accepting & friendly.

For myself, I gradually transitioned. I just let the hormones do their magic. I dressed androgynously for as long as possible, but when the changes became obvious, I told my adult children. One is accepting and the other is not so much.

It is a shock and everybody involved will respond in their own way. Because of this, many of us chose to be open to family, but stealth to all others. At least we can limit the controversy in a way that publicly well known people can not. Think of Caitlin Jenner and Chaz Bono.

Hi Chloe,

My children were five and three when I told them about my transition. I'd already separated from their mum by that point, but they would and still do stay with me at weekends.

It's obviously hard to put things in terms they can understand. They have coped with the change differently; one well, the other less so. They still both call me daddy, which they want to use for now.

There are a couple of Facebook groups for trans* parents that I'm a member of, that can provide some support.

The reality of this journey is that your children will deal with it in their own way. Be ready to answer questions (in a simple manner), and accept that being out in public with them will likely preclude being stealth! -  my daughter asking loudly in a ladies public bathroom why I had a willy is a classic case where you just have to laugh at the wierdness of the sittutation! Both my kids get confused about what I am (being pre-op still).

Just keep reassuring them that you love them, and that won't change 😊.

Good luck. X