How do you cope with bad days, the social barriers that come with being transgender, and isolation?

Anastasia x

Quote from: anastasialea on July 10, 2018, 10:08:59 AM
How do you cope with bad days, the social barriers that come with being transgender, and isolation?

Anastasia x

@anastasialea    
      The title of your new thread that you started here says it all....
                "Remaining positive"

      Bad days come to all of us... transgender or not.
Social barriers of transgenders are something that we ALL need to constructively work on all the time.  As transgenders we need to try hard to assimilate into the circles of our families, friends, our work and our communities.

      While we shouldn't "hide" we need to get involved in local groups, clubs, activities of interest with others, etc....  we need to dress respectively, act responsibly, and be approachable, cordial, and friendly.  While being at the receiving-end of rude and insulting comments regarding our appearance or lifestyle, usually NO RESPONSE is the best response.  At that point,  smile... and with self-confidence walk away holding our head high.  In most situations a big smile will disarm others.

      It is my own experience that very few people have a negative reaction about my past as long as I dress and act responsibly and don't shove my trans-woman status in their face and make an issue out it.  Live and let live seems to be the rule here where I live.

      My "Hunted Prey" thread has my story about my coming out in my small town... if you go back to some of my earlier writings a couple months ago you will read about my trials and tribulations regarding my coping mechanisms.
      Then of course my "Positive Mindset" thread might be of help to you as well.  Links are toward the end of my profile display before my signature line.

      Please feel very free to write a PM to me or to comment on my threads with any questions or comments that you  may have.

      Thank you for posting your heartfelt questions.... we have all been there and are in the process of working things out just as you are.

         Hugs and wishing you well wishes as always,
         Danielle

I had my share of difficult experiences when I started transitioning, and for the first couple of years after I went full-time. Some of the things I did to relieve some stress and anxiety, was to try to distract myself by doing things I enjoy, spend time working on things that would help me enhance my femininity, make plans for the future that would bring me more joy, exercise (relieves a lot of stress, and releases feel good endorphins) spend time with people who accept me; and I also acknowledged that what I was doing (i.e, changing my physical body, and learing to socialize as a woman after being socialized as a male for decades) is almost impossible for most people; and that I am being true to myself, and that I am happy being me, and that I am allowing myself to feel vulnerable while I learn and grow, and that other people do not have the power to make me feel bad about myself. 

I'm not sure. I try to process things as they're happening because transitioning is very overwhelming. Taking each step at a time in this process is really crucial. At least it has been to me. Life doesn't stop when we decide to transition and it can actually make things more stressful.
I know hrt can relief dysphoria and that's great but the truth is that I feel like I traded a set of problems for new, very different ones (that I don't know yet how to deal/cope with).
Feeling more vulnerable is true, also it's been much harder to manage my underlying social anxiety. I sort of how this is some type of freak exposure therapy that will help me at the end. If not, then I screwed myself over in someways I think.

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Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 10, 2018, 11:00:38 AM
@anastasialea    
      The title of your new thread that you started here says it all....
                "Remaining positive"

      Bad days come to all of us... transgender or not.
Social barriers of transgenders are something that we ALL need to constructively work on all the time.  As transgenders we need to try hard to assimilate into the circles of our families, friends, our work and our communities.

      While we shouldn't "hide" we need to get involved in local groups, clubs, activities of interest with others, etc....  we need to dress respectively, act responsibly, and be approachable, cordial, and friendly.  While being at the receiving-end of rude and insulting comments regarding our appearance or lifestyle, usually NO RESPONSE is the best response.  At that point,  smile... and with self-confidence walk away holding our head high.  In most situations a big smile will disarm others.

      It is my own experience that very few people have a negative reaction about my past as long as I dress and act responsibly and don't shove my trans-woman status in their face and make an issue out it.  Live and let live seems to be the rule here where I live.

      My "Hunted Prey" thread has my story about my coming out in my small town... if you go back to some of my earlier writings a couple months ago you will read about my trials and tribulations regarding my coping mechanisms.
      Then of course my "Positive Mindset" thread might be of help to you as well.  Links are toward the end of my profile display before my signature line.

      Please feel very free to write a PM to me or to comment on my threads with any questions or comments that you  may have.

      Thank you for posting your heartfelt questions.... we have all been there and are in the process of working things out just as you are.

         Hugs and wishing you well wishes as always,
         Danielle

Thanks for the kind words, I think a local group is a nice idea too

How do I cope? I try to talk about it with my friends, my therapist and whoever is willing to listen. I also cry a lot, which kinda sucks but is relieving at the same time.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on July 10, 2018, 04:07:45 PM
How do I cope? I try to talk about it with my friends, my therapist and whoever is willing to listen. I also cry a lot, which kinda sucks but is relieving at the same time.

Crying is really good

I try to be as positive, nice, open and friendly as I can with every stranger I meet and talk to.  I've made a lot of new friends that way.

I already lived 50 years of misery as My former self.  A chance to go out and be me is a bea untidily, precious gift.  Only God knows how much time I have left on this earth and I plan to enjoy every last possible minute of it.

So—if I am having a bad day, or feeling lonely, I go try to make a new friend.

Hugs, Carly

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on July 10, 2018, 04:07:45 PM

How do I cope? I try to talk about it with my friends, my therapist and whoever is willing to listen. I also cry a lot, which kinda sucks but is relieving at the same time.

@Charlie Nicki
I write about it and all of my issues I am dealing with.... it helps me to process things in my mind and then hopefully devise positive solutions... for very person stuff I write in my personal journal and for most other things I write about it here on the Forums. 
Of course I have close friends I can confide in... all of those things help me cope.
Hugs,
Danielle

There are a few things I do that really help:

I hike one day on the weekend 5 or 6 miles with a 60 pound pack.
I walk up 33 flights of steps each morning during the week and get 10,000 steps of more a day.
I am on a maximum 6 hours a day feeding cycle.

I have had my share of ups and downs and coping with losses. I recommend going to a trans group for sharing experiences and friendship. I was waiting for a group meeting to start and a past group moderator and LSW stopped by to check in. He had started his transition and we were talking. He asked how things were going with me. At the time I was in the middle of divorce and my daughter said I was dead to her. I had come out at work and had that whole huge hurdle to deal with. He said something very important to me that I remember and say to myself when it gets rough. He said, " you have been through worse".

Now when things are tough I say I have been through worse and this too shall pass. I think back on the things I thought that were impossible but they were and are possible.

It gets tough. Acknowledge it is tough. Acknowledge you will get through it and that you can do it. Deflate the power of those that say or treat you poorly, tell yourself they are ignorant. Do not let the insults or bad stuff in, deflect it. Reinforce that you and your identity are stronger than their hate.

Sleep helps heaps.

@Rachel   .... YES, you are correct about involving yourself in strenuous exercise, jogging, hiking, running, gym workouts, etc.... gets your mind cleared and ready to address the challenges and issues you are facing.
Great post!!!
Hugs,
Danielle