Well I got a letter yesterday from the local hospital asking for ID to confirm funding for Orchiodectomy. What this means is the gatekeeping is done, and it will happen fairly soon I suspect. I should be (and am) excited I've worked a long time to make this happen.

Yet, at the same time there is a small amount of fear! I don't get it. Why should I be afraid of this? Its not like I could go back at this point anyway. I hate my testicles and want them gone with all my heart and yet... this seems like a step into unknown territory.

I've faced physical and social transition, gone full time, changed all the legals. All of them had an element of fear in them but this feels different. I'm 100% sure of what I want but I just don't know how I feel right now.

Very odd.

Transition is a roller-coaster for sure.

@krobinson103
Being excited and having apprehension is a very normal thing.   You are coming to just one of your final steps in your transition... certainly normal to having some fear and jitters.   yes, it is unknown territory for you.

It is your body so it obviously is your final decision about these kinds of things....
We will support you no matter what you do....  just keep us updated as you feel comfortable doing so.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

That's not surprising, into the unknown. Its what you want/need so onward as some one once said. Best of luck.

Perhaps it will help put your mind at ease to remember if for some reason  you realize you made the wrong choice that you can get cosmetic testicle implants and take testosterone supplements.

Quote from: Virginia on July 16, 2018, 04:13:06 PM
Perhaps it will help put your mind at ease to remember if for some reason  you realize you made the wrong choice that you can get cosmetic testicle implants and take testosterone supplements.

That will never happen. There is no way I'm going back to being emotionally repressed and miserable. If I'm honest I probably passed the point of no return 3-4 months back. Even if I stopped now it would take a long time to revert most things and some wouldn't so the fear is quite irrational... thats the annoying thing.

Simply;

Go Girl Go

You know that, you just need to simplify decisions - go/No-Go.

You have always thought deeply GO.

Yur life, GO and enjoy it.

Luv N Hugz

Katie

Please stop hurting yourself.

You don't need this and you know you will be Ok, ignore the doubters as we have them anyway.

Live your  YOUR life girl

Sleep well hun

Luv n Hugz

Katie

'Again'

Quote from: krobinson103 on July 16, 2018, 07:56:33 PM
That will never happen...so the fear is quite irrational.

Calling an emotion irrational does not change the way we feel. It is vital to understand our fears so we do not bring them to life by ignoring them.

I have had three major surgeries now and know this feeling for two of them. I think it is our brains way of protecting us against drastic impulsive actions. In my case, the feeling didn't last long. For GCS, its funny but I didn't have it at all. Good luck, don't worry, it will work out.
Moni