Dear all,

This is my first post even though I have been reading this forum from time to time. I have a small problem and was hoping to perhaps get a few tips or ideas.

I am living in "sort-of" stealth mode. To me that means only one person at work, my manager, knows about my history and that I am up for SRS in just over a month. I figure it would not be the brightest thing to out myself by letting everyone know the reason I will be away for an extended period of time but on the other hand I really don't like to lie to people.

So I was thinking to either just lie and say that I am going on a long vacation. The problem with that is it may give rise to a lot of questions like where am I going, what am I going to do and so on. These kind of lies just doesn't sit very well with me even though this is what my manager suggested.
The other option I could think of is to tell people that I am going to have surgery (just not that kind of surgery) and then read up a little on some other surgery with a similar recovery time.

Does anyone have experience with a similar situation or suggest something that I haven't thought of or perhaps suggest some kind of "other surgery" I can read up on?

Kind regards,
Me

Quote from: Heroine on March 25, 2008, 03:18:22 PM
Does anyone have experience with a similar situation or suggest something that I haven't thought of or perhaps suggest some kind of "other surgery" I can read up on?

Maybe just, "well, I'm having some private medical issues addressed... but don't worry, it's nothing serious."

I dunno, I'm wondering what to do too. Everyone in my office knows about me, and most will probably know what's going on when I take my "vacation," but STILL... I don't really wanna advertise it. For now, I'm sticking with the vacation story since I think they'll appreciate it as an attempt for privacy more than deception.

~Kate~

I told everyone that I would be taking a medical leave and spending time with my family.  I never discussed my personal life at work so no one really pressed me for details.  I remember one or two people asked but I told them that it had nothing to do with work and it was none of their business.

If someone asks you, just tell them that it is of a personal nature and you don't wish to discuss it.

You could also tell them that it is time to have your reproductive organs removed.  You've been having problems since puberty and finally, you have decided to take care of it.  Their normal response will be "Oh, are you going for a hysterectomy?" Then you can get emotional and teary eyed and tell them that since you can't have kids because of this, say "I just can't talk about this."  I don't know if that sort of thing will work for you or not... I don't know your personality.

Cindi

Where are you going?  Colorado?  Montreal?  Thailand?  All sound like vacations to me.

Hi all and thanks for your thoughts.

Montreal, Thailand... wish I was going there but as for vacation, I live in Scandinavia and about 15 minutes drive from the hospital so going for a two month vacation there would probably raise a few eyebrows, haha.

I wish I could use the "none of your business" attitude but I am one of those persons who just talks about everything and giving a reserved answer to a question just isn't me. Oh well, I'm meeting with the surgeon pretty soon and maybe he has an idea or two as well.
The answer that I'm going to Argentina to visit some relatives is probably my best bet the more I think of it. Since I have family there I can probably get away with saying I did nothing special while I was there too...

But if more people has been in this situation, I'd really like to know more how you handled it.

For people I don't want to know about my transition, I am pretty simple.
Me: I am having surgery in X months
Person: What are you having done
Me: Major Abdominal/ Pelvic/ Back/ Chest surgery
Person: Oh whats wrong
Me: I'm having benign growths removed
If they keep asking I get more and more gory. Try talking about incisions, blood, infections etc. Keep droning on about the non-trans specific issues like diet, obsess about constipation, complications of anesthetic and whenever they ask another questions just keep bringing the topic to the most disgusting parts you think of. Most people give up asking they don't want to lose their lunch. Of course if they like gore you could go in the opposite directions and talk about all the forms involved with having surgery. I have had a few who wouldn't back off and I just keep going until they choose to go away. Or you could just say it is private, or fain an anxiety attack and explain that you are too nervous to talk about it.

->-bleeped-<-boy

Quote from: Heroine on March 25, 2008, 03:18:22 PMSo I was thinking to either just lie and say that I am going on a long vacation. The problem with that is it may give rise to a lot of questions like where am I going, what am I going to do and so on. These kind of lies just doesn't sit very well with me even though this is what my manager suggested.

No need to lie.  Just say you're having "female" or "pelvic" surgery and that you don't want to talk about it.  They should respect your wishes.

If you tell them you are on vacation, and you feel that strongly about lies, then that's a lie.  Just tell them you are having major surgery, and you simply don't want to talk about it.  Focus your eyes somewhere way in the distance, and maintain your silence.  Then when no one's looking, smile to yourself.


All the best
Bev

Hmmm...well, I had my SRS last year and no one at work knows about my past.  I just told them that I was going to be on a LOA due to surgery.  Most people are respectful and won't ask you questions.  After all, it is medical information and people shouldn't be asking what you are going to have done anyway.  If someone asks, you could tell them it is a rather private issue, and the questioning should stop right then.

tink

Folks who know me, know that that I like to travel alot, that I am woefully struck with wanderlust.

Thus back when I had my surgery and had put together vacation and uncompensated time away from work it didn't raise any eyebrows.

In terms of when I got back and had to more strictly stick to a dialtion routine, I made sure to dilate before work, and then when I got home from work. Though I have heard of women who who would dilate on breaks while at work, I found that was the best regimen for me.

I would keep it very simple and as close to the truth as you can. So how about just saying you are having a gynacological procedure.

Best part is it isn't even really untrue.

Oh - and as for recovery times those for a total hysterectomy are pretty similar.