I'm a really ->-bleeped-<-ty exuse for a person. I dropped out of school at 15, lost contact with all irl friends. That was 3 yrs ago! I've been leaching off my parent ever since,never leaving to house. I can't get a job! With no qualifications and all this stupid anxiety. On top of all that I really want to transition as soon as possible. It really doesn't feel good being alive. I really need to transition. But I don't feel I have the right to put that on my dad, like a cherry on top of all the other ways I've let him down. I dont think he would ever kick me out im so gratefull for that.. And then there's my mothers sidea of the family. Iv sort of deleted myself from that situation. driving myself crazy all this time I've isolated myself. I just don't see a future for me. I never have ever since I hit puberty I've been in slow decent. Everyday I grow more cynical and hatefull. but I know i really love life. I love what life could be. I have so many songs to write and art to make. People to connect with. I just don't know how to move forward. I have all this life energy but im in the wrong body. I want to explode all the time. I want to live. I'm tired of this. Sorry about the pissy post

Hi!

It sounds like you may be depressed, as you have lost motivation to make things happen and go forward with your life. Do you have any hobbies you can rely on? Have you considered consulting a therapist? It's hard to have a positive Outlook on life when you lack motivation, I totally understand.


if you need to talk, when you reach 15 posts, you can PM me anytime

@Aurorasky hi.. I have hobbies, i dont enjoy them as much as I used to but I still try to practice them. I spoke to an online therepist breifly last year. It's difficult to know when it's necessary but maybe I should give it another try..
Thankyou

The mess in your life was of your own making and the cleanup will be as well. As your in the UK, if you haven't started with the gender program, see your doctor about it as soon as possible. Next would probably be to contact a therapist again. The therapist would help you figure out the best approach to getting your life back in order.

I am not sure how it works in the UK, but in the US, we have a GED and night school where it's possible to continue your education and get a High School degree. College would be another matter and it would be up to you to decide how you want to handle it.

Last but not least is work. If school isn't full time, consider any job you can find from sweeping floors to washing dishes. I know it's not fun but one of the summer jobs I worked on was cleaning up a construction yard. This amounted to salvaging wood that had been used in concrete form so it could be used again for the same thing. The job also involved cleaning up weeds by hand and cutting grass. Having a work record will indicate to a future employer that you will work and it might be worth giving you a chance.

Think of what you want your life to look like 5 years from now and start working toward that goal by making one small change in your life now. As you master that one change, decide on another change. After a few changes you will be able to look back on your accomplishments with pride and it will give you the strength to finish the process.

your situation sounds a lot like mine when i was 18. i dropped out of school at 16, never left my house, i just played video games and had my online friends. i knew i was trans, and i was making sure people only knew me as male online. it was hard. i became overweight, unhappy, i never wanted to do anything. i didn't want people to notice me.

one day, i had enough. i did research on how to tell your parents you're trans, i looked up how i could transition where i live, what i needed, everything. when i was 18, i told my mom i was trans and wanted to start transitioning. she didn't understand, but i told her i wanted to go to this place that helped you transition, and start there. she agreed (thankfully) and it just kind of all happened super fast from there. i don't think she knew what she was getting into agreeing or how fast it was happening (to be fair, neither did i) but it turned out for the best.

when i was in my early 20s, i went back to an adult school and got my highschool diploma in a year, and i got a job. i spent the years between being 18 - 23ish doing transitioning and finding a job. i finally landed a good job, that i'm still at actually. when finding a job, i made sure to use my preferred name so going into it, i wouldn't have to deal with coming out to everyone or people knowing i'm trans. i ended up doing my full transition in a year. don't get me wrong, it was hard but if i didn't have the support and the pushing that people did, i wouldn't be here. so i will tell you, it will be worth it to make those small steps.