I was definitely concerned about that after my first relationship after transition breaking up. Fact is we just have to find the right person who will be understanding and open to be with us that also matches what we are looking for in a mate. I did eventually find someone and have been married for over a year and half now. Just be patient and give things time. I wouldn't force it but just naturally search for the person with the qualities you are looking for and in time you will find the right person. It's just sometimes they may not be located where we are expecting or looking. hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Greendayfanxx on July 25, 2018, 06:45:21 PM
Does anyone have any experinces with not feeling like you will be loved because your trans or never finding love because you are trans? does anyone worry about that ever? Just wondering has anyone ever been dumped because they are trans too? Im just thinking about my future and I feel like no one would love me because im a transdude can someone reassure me please... any advice would be appreciated and please answer my questions if you feel like it

The answers have been very positive and uplifting and I like that. In my case I'm pretty much going through the same thing you mentioned... Got dumped for transitioning and wondering if finding love is even possible now. Heart break is absolutely painful and emotionally exhausting and I'm just hoping it's over soon.

Well it definitely changed my relationship, it didn't "destroy" it but it did radically change it. Into something else. And it is harder to find someone, statistically, as a trans person... but definitely not impossible. Lots of people on this site are either happily married or are dating or have someone.

Personally I don't worry about it as I think it's my nature to be by myself, I did struggle being in relationships anyway to an extent being protective of my freedom, so it might be for the best in my case. I'm not afraid of being without a relationship.

To be honest, at this point in my life I feel more like I won't find, or have love if I'm not trans.

I will preface this by saying I have never been married, or had kids, or that whole family thing. But that's entirely down to my own issues. So make of this what you will. I have had relationships in my life, though. I've had people who said they loved me at a time before I admitted to myself, and others who I really am. But rather than making me feel warm and fuzzy, it made me feel guilty. Because I always felt a nagging feeling of "But you don't love the real me. You can never love the real me because you don't know who that is. I haven't told you. So you love an image. And that makes me feel bad for both of us."

I felt uncomfortable in the bedroom. Like... very uncomfortable. Not because of my partner but because of myself. Because of how I felt about myself. And the whole time there was an underlying feeling that I was somehow leading her on. That she was in love with someone she thought I was. Not who I actually was.

It's true what they say: Before you can really love someone else, you have to love yourself. Or at least be at a place with yourself that the hatred doesn't get in the way. I feel that if someone says they love you... then they deserve you. Not someone hiding parts of themselves. Or even themselves entirely, and pretending to be someone else. How can that work? I believe relationships are built on honesty (But then I'm a Scorpio so I hate people lying - sue me ), and if that honesty isn't there, then you can't really have a proper relationship.

For me it comes down to this: I would rather have no relationship than one built on a lie. If I'm at a point in my life where I can be myself with someone then they get all of me, and I get all of them. With no regrets. No lies. No secrets. No matter how common or rare that might be... for me it's worth aiming for.

Although oddly I've had more people say they're in love with me once I was allowed to be myself than before. I guess there's something in being yourself. You can focus on others more than being obsessed with yourself and your own feelings. And whaddya know, other people seem to like that.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 26, 2018, 05:03:21 PM
I have had relationships in my life, though. I've had people who said they loved me at a time before I admitted to myself, and others who I really am. But rather than making me feel warm and fuzzy, it made me feel guilty. Because I always felt a nagging feeling of "But you don't love the real me. You can never love the real me because you don't know who that is. I haven't told you. So you love an image. And that makes me feel bad for both of us."

I felt uncomfortable in the bedroom. Like... very uncomfortable. Not because of my partner but because of myself. Because of how I felt about myself. And the whole time there was an underlying feeling that I was somehow leading her on. That she was in love with someone she thought I was. Not who I actually was.

I used to feel that way, too. Having to interact with people through a mask sucks, and I've had to wear several, always trying to fit someone else's idea of who I should be. I'd rather be myself than try to pretend to be something I'm not just so people will like me.

What it all boils down to is that I have to fix my own life before I'll have room for anyone else, unless that person ends up being extremely supportive and is willing to move out-of-state (or country) a few times with me.

I hope you can find someone, because I came so close to being successful, then found out that the only guy I liked was gay. and to top that little issue, he is interested in my ace friend Cameron so idk what to do about this.......but anyway, trans doesn't mean you wont find love, it just means that you sometimes gotta wait for the right one, however, never let fear stop u from taking the risk of being told no.

Love,
Lilly Garcia