So, to begin I am MTF and live at home with my parents. Essentially, I can't come out - but I have no means to move out.

So, I was curious, if I were to get a prescription for the meds, would those out me? (Since they also pay for my healthcare)

Any insight would be splendid!


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How old are you? Because if you're an adult, your parents shouldn't be able to access your healthcare information without your permission. So, in that case you're unlikely to be outed by getting medication through insurance alone.

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Yeah, I'm an adult. But as said, they get the bill from the insurance company.


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@OMGCherese  I suspect you would get found out fairly soon, its possible that your medical insurance will post something to the bill payer for the change in status of one of the people covered IE you. Access to private information is one thing but sometimes it can be another event that creates a quiry that leads to being found out IE a change in cost, a change in whats covered, even some proactive nurse sending info on transgender services in the mail could out you.
Its also very likely at some point that your parents will find your hrt, even the most well intentioned parents probably rummage through their kids stuff to check out whats going on. Also being that you might be a bit younger than the rest of us - your physical changes will happen more quickly and stronger - leading to obvious observation and questions..

Why can't you say something to your parents?  What do you think would happen?

Sonja.

Insurance is sometimes a bit tricky. Some policies report all activity to the policy holder. So, if you are listed under your parents insurance, your prescriptions may or may not show up on the insurance report.

Even if you can pay for your hormone therapy without insurance, you will begin to show visible results in about one year.

You never know how someone else will react to your transition. If you are under 18 and still living with your parents, it might be time to have a heart to heart talk about your feelings. I suggest just start with professional counseling and see how it goes. Your parents may surprise you and be supporting.

Or maybe not. Then you might find yourself out on your own, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Be prepared for all possibilities. But most important be yourself and make a plan.

Quote from: OMGCherese on August 02, 2018, 08:25:12 PM
Yeah, I'm an adult. But as said, they get the bill from the insurance company.


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I've been buying my own hormones for years, and I've never gotten a bill from an insurance company that itemized my medications. I can see a history of my prescription by Rx number and quantity, but not drug type. Your parents may get medical statements from providers if they intercept your mail, but that will just tell them that you saw a doctor, not why.

The bigger dangers of getting outed are the actual physical medications themselves. Spiro and E are a fairly googlable combo, and the pills will carry identifying marks, even if not stored in the script bottles. That, and the actual feminization, which will be noticeable to a lot of people in about 3 to 6 months.

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The reality is I'm on the older side of things (thirties), because of... complex circumstances I'm here to help take care of my sister.

Essentially, I'm the lynchpin of "normal" around the house. If I were to come out? My mom, who is usually a stone's throw away from a meltdown (I'm not exaggerating) would probably be tipped over the edge. So far I've kind of just put the needs of others in front of me.

So, yes - it's not something I would consider an option.


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Quote from: OMGCherese on August 02, 2018, 08:51:01 PM
The reality is I'm on the older side of things (thirties), because of... complex circumstances I'm here to help take care of my sister.

Essentially, I'm the lynchpin of "normal" around the house. If I were to come out? My mom, who is usually a stone's throw away from a meltdown (I'm not exaggerating) would probably be tipped over the edge. So far I've kind of just put the needs of others in front of me.

So, yes - it's not something I would consider an option.


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You know your life circumstances the best, but it doesn't seem like you're going to be placed in physical or financial danger by coming out. If you are either of those things, then by all means, wait. But if not...

You don't owe anyone "normalcy" based on a lie. This is the only life you're going to get, and you shouldn't feel  obligated to live it yoked, just so your family can cling to some false version of normal. Your mom may meltdown, mine sure as hell did, dad too. But that wasn't my fault, and it won't be yours if your mom does the same. And, my mom adjusted. She got unmelted, and our bond is stronger now, because I am fully in it. Maybe your mom will too, or maybe she won't melt at all. Maybe knowing the real you will pull her back from that brink. You won't ever know unless you actually give her the chance though.

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Quote from: Tamika Olivia on August 02, 2018, 09:05:28 PM

You know your life circumstances the best, but it doesn't seem like you're going to be placed in physical or financial danger by coming out. If you are either of those things, then by all means, wait. But if not...

You don't owe anyone "normalcy" based on a lie. This is the only life you're going to get, and you shouldn't feel  obligated to live it yoked, just so your family can cling to some false version of normal. Your mom may meltdown, mine sure as hell did, dad too. But that wasn't my fault, and it won't be yours if your mom does the same. And, my mom adjusted. She got unmelted, and our bond is stronger now, because I am fully in it. Maybe your mom will too, or maybe she won't melt at all. Maybe knowing the real you will pull her back from that brink. You won't ever know unless you actually give her the chance though.

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The other issue is my sister who, as luck would have it, is also trans. She started transitioning when she was about 23? But it didn't pan out how she wanted, she's been taking it out on the rest of the family ever since.

That's why I'm fairly certain they wouldn't entertain it a second time. The first time has left them rattled and honestly, pretty transphobic. That's why they pretty much leave her in my care, they can't deal with her anymore.


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Quote from: OMGCherese on August 02, 2018, 09:11:51 PM
The other issue is my sister who, as luck would have it, is also trans. She started transitioning when she was about 23? But it didn't pan out how she wanted, she's been taking it out on the rest of the family ever since.

That's why I'm fairly certain they wouldn't entertain it a second time. The first time has left them rattled and honestly, pretty transphobic. That's why they pretty much leave her in my care, they can't deal with her anymore.


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That's rough, I'm sorry for her and the position you've been placed in, but I don't think it changes the base point. They don't get a say in this. If you want to transition, you get to transition. They'll get to react, naturally, and they may react transphobic. That may happen, but it doesn't have to change your path. You only need to plan for your own financial, physical, and emotional safety. They can manage their feelings on the matter.

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Quote from: OMGCherese on August 02, 2018, 08:51:01 PM
The reality is I'm on the older side of things (thirties), because of... complex circumstances I'm here to help take care of my sister.

Essentially, I'm the lynchpin of "normal" around the house. If I were to come out? My mom, who is usually a stone's throw away from a meltdown (I'm not exaggerating) would probably be tipped over the edge. So far I've kind of just put the needs of others in front of me.

So, yes - it's not something I would consider an option.


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Your not as young as I suspected, so not exactly the scenario that was playing through my mind when I wrote the above.  I suspect you have a fair amount in common with Chelsea, another girl on this site who is near the same age and takes care of her mother presenting as male because of a current disapproval there. She feels stuck because she has to be the bedrock in the family household but wants to move her transition along outside of her bedroom.  I would encourage you to make contact with her because it can be amazing to meet someone who suffers the same situations but finds techniques to keep going, especially when you are being relied upon, it might be a relief just to hear the same problems from someone else.

I hope this helps a little,

Sonja.

Well maybe you and your sister transitioning together (if possible for her, you didn't really mention why she stopped, and you don't have to) could be what helps your family.
If they see you're both working towards this together maybe they'll better understand. It's not really something you choose to do for fun. I mean at least it wasn't for me.
If you feel like they'll kick you out and you'll be on the street, you have to ask if it's worth it.

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Pretty hard to keep from your parent and then well they tell their friends.

Its ironic that absolutely no one in my friends circle knows and everyone in my mothers does.... However get a part time job I could easily of funded my HRT myself on my part time jobs I had while at university. Generally speaking as your registered male, insurance will only cover blockers and the common blockers are dirt cheaper(I myself have to use all the most expensive stuff because else works but I am a i in 10000 kinda gal). So its possible but youll need a job especially to cover the blood tests and doctor visits they can be so pricey.

Quote from: OMGCherese on August 02, 2018, 07:54:43 PM
So, to begin I am MTF and live at home with my parents. Essentially, I can't come out - but I have no means to move out.

So, I was curious, if I were to get a prescription for the meds, would those out me? (Since they also pay for my healthcare)

Any insight would be splendid!


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Hi, Cherese!

Welcome to Susan's.

HRT will eventually produce physical effects that will be noticeable.  You could perhaps keep it under wraps for a while.  Some girls grow small breasts that could be concealed.  Some develop C or D boobs that would provoke comments.

Do not depend on keeping your transition secret, because it may not be possible.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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I'm not overly concerned about breast development being my undoing. All the women in my family are A-B. I'm a pretty thin creature, that doesn't eat much. So it would have to be a genetic hiccup of epic proportions for the girls-to-be to spoil things.

And if my sister is any indication, I might need the more expensive stuff myself.


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Quote from: OMGCherese on August 03, 2018, 10:19:11 PM
I'm not overly concerned about breast development being my undoing. All the women in my family are A-B. I'm a pretty thin creature, that doesn't eat much. So it would have to be a genetic hiccup of epic proportions for the girls-to-be to spoil things.

And if my sister is any indication, I might need the more expensive stuff myself.


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Dont underestimate them! I have a full B and I am rather skinny... trust me people notice they just to polite to point it out. Once a person did and I told them it was because I was very fat when i was young. You can try it all baggy shirts are the your best friend here and sports bras your enemy. No no this is true people say they great for hiding but in my experience all they do is give your breasts a nice round feminine shape under your ->-bleeped-<-, not great for hiding.

Now expensive stuff costs me 60-100$ p.m.(I spent far more on blood tests to refine exactly what dosages I needed to work for least cost with my endo) and the cheap stuff was maybe 15$ a month. I say expensive but compared to the injections and patches its dirt cheap, but on a student salary expensive is a fair term for this.

I mean if you can get on HRT by your own funds frankly you can hide 90% of the changes, even make up if you like it can be explained away as a new young adult trend. The real trick will be your early mood swings and possible hips(I find that hips give me away because no cloths I buy can hide this very obvious and 100% not a male feature of my body, however put on a little weight and people assume its just fat).

I am just through my experience out there as I live as a male and have for 7 years on HRT while I finish my post graduate studies in a extremely male dominated field. I also want to get my job as a male then transition to prevent that possible bias.

Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on August 04, 2018, 03:00:13 PM
Dont underestimate them! I have a full B and I am rather skinny... trust me people notice they just to polite to point it out. Once a person did and I told them it was because I was very fat when i was young. You can try it all baggy shirts are the your best friend here and sports bras your enemy. No no this is true people say they great for hiding but in my experience all they do is give your breasts a nice round feminine shape under your ->-bleeped-<-, not great for hiding.

Now expensive stuff costs me 60-100$ p.m.(I spent far more on blood tests to refine exactly what dosages I needed to work for least cost with my endo) and the cheap stuff was maybe 15$ a month. I say expensive but compared to the injections and patches its dirt cheap, but on a student salary expensive is a fair term for this.

I mean if you can get on HRT by your own funds frankly you can hide 90% of the changes, even make up if you like it can be explained away as a new young adult trend. The real trick will be your early mood swings and possible hips(I find that hips give me away because no cloths I buy can hide this very obvious and 100% not a male feature of my body, however put on a little weight and people assume its just fat).

I am just through my experience out there as I live as a male and have for 7 years on HRT while I finish my post graduate studies in a extremely male dominated field. I also want to get my job as a male then transition to prevent that possible bias.

I'm also in my thirties, my HGH is naturally lower than those who started younger. Genetics and age should put me at an A cup at most. That's nothing to be overly distressed about.

Besides, even with that in my favor - I do dress pretty conservatively. I've even walked around with smaller breast forms on and no one has noticed.


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I understand the potential for self consciousness, but you concerns over breast growth likely have more to do with the SpotLight/Transparency Effect than being any sort of giveaway if the rest of your presentation is solidly masculine. I have been on a typical transition level HRT regimen for 9 years. The only comment I get from anyone about my 34B breasts when I go without a shirt is that I have "great pecs." That said, my female alter turns alot of heads when she wears a bikini at the beach.  With as common an additive as estrogen has become, and the general tendency of people to be overweight, more and more guys have Gynecomastia and manboobs.  The only person who would likely notice, or for that matter care about, your nipples is you.